DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a small company with about a dozen employees, who I genuinely like and enjoy. But I’m a little bit antisocial sometimes when it comes to casually chatting up my co-workers. Sometimes the stress of the job, and my own anxieties, make it seem like I’m unhappy or disapproving of something, when it’s really a thousand other things going through my mind.

One of my co-workers discreetly told me that another co-worker had filed an informal complaint about me, saying that I don’t like her and treat her badly. I really want to approach her and offer her an apology for the perceived slight -- try to explain that I do like her and it’s all just a big misunderstanding. However, the co-worker who told me does not want it revealed that she did so.

I don’t feel like I can leave it alone. This co-worker is gay, and the fact that she even thinks I don’t like her because of that is a slippery slope when it comes to discrimination and employment issues. How do I clear this up without making things worse?

We don’t have a true human resources department. In fact, I’m the longest-tenured employee, so I don’t even have a middle manager in my department I can approach about this. To be clear, I am not anyone’s boss, and don’t have authority over her or anyone else.

GENTLE READER: It is Miss Manners’ understanding that informal complaints are ones made by one equal to another in the break room while waiting for Keith to get his meatloaf out of the microwave. There is no filing involved. If what has happened is no more serious than this, then a concerted effort on your part to be more friendly to this co-worker may be sufficient.

If a more formal complaint was made -- or accusations were reported to a superior -- it is time to involve someone in a position of authority. The lack of a human resources department does not mean that no one is tasked with handling employment issues. (It may mean that no one is good at handling employment issues, but that could have been the case even if you had a human resources department.) Both you and the co-worker in question must have bosses to whom you can express your concern and protest your innocence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend Melody, a bit of a snob, doesn’t own a car and often requests a ride into town. This is fine, but she always has me drop her a few blocks from our main square, saying she “could use a bit of a walk.” She does this even when it’s raining, and it sometimes involves an awkward stop on busy roads.

I’ve learned that she doesn’t do this with her other, more upscale friends, and I suspect she doesn’t want to be seen with me or alighting from my old economy car. I confess I’m a little hurt, and am wanting to confront her on this.

GENTLE READER: Fulfilling as it would be to change your friend’s behavior, confronting her about it is unlikely to accomplish more than embarrassing both of you. If you really want to get even, Miss Manners recommends you fail to notice what is happening, which will leave her cold and wet -- ample punishment for her transgression.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law, Harriet, is the matriarch of a large extended family. She prides herself on close relationships with many of her nieces and nephews, and keeps in frequent touch with them via email.

However, she feels it is appropriate to forward email correspondence she receives from these relations to other members of her family. At least once a week, she forwards an email from a cousin or other relative to eight or 10 of her sons, daughters-in-law and occasionally grandchildren.

Frequently, these are missives from relatives my husband and I do not know well, if at all. And although I am not especially interested in the details of Cousin Jenna’s hip replacement, or her sister-in-law’s cousin’s daughter’s wedding, or the 49 photos of her most recent vacation, they are easy enough to delete.

More troubling, however, is that Harriet also forwards letters from cousins that we do care about, but who clearly did not imagine the contents of their note would be shared. I am quite certain that when Cousin Mara pours her heart out to her favorite Aunt Harriet, confiding the details of her recent bout with cancer, her divorce or her financial woes, she is not imagining that those private sentiments will be shared with anyone else -- let alone with so many others, whom she may not even be close to. It also makes me uncomfortable to see the writer later on, because I am privy to feelings and information they believed (and continue to believe) were private.

I believe that Harriet does this with the best of intentions and genuinely believes that we all want to stay apprised of family news; however, her lack of discretion makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I have found that I rarely send her more than a generic line or two when I write, because I assume that my emails are also being shared widely with her network.

Could Miss Manners suggest a way for me to convey to Harriet that email habits require some boundaries? She would likely not dream of photocopying and passing along a handwritten letter, but seems to feel that emails may be treated differently.

GENTLE READER: Surely it is cousins Jenna and Mara to whom this information should be conveyed, so perhaps another mass email is necessary. Miss Manners has observed that chastising an in-law rarely helps, and often creates more trouble, but you could write Harriet to ask whether she intended to distribute the rather personal messages she may have been sent in confidence. And then CC the rest of the family.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a friend pass away suddenly. The day of his funeral will be on the birthday of our mutual close friend and his business partner.

What does one say to the person who is grieving on their birthday? “Happy birthday” seems absurd, but to say nothing might make them feel forgotten during an already difficult time.

I was thinking of a simple “Thinking of you today,” but was not sure. This is the second time I’ve run into this conundrum over the years.

GENTLE READER: It is difficult to refrain from ordinary pleasantries when attending a funeral, and people are likely to blurt out “Great to see you” before they realize how jarring that is. So Miss Manners agrees with you: “Thinking of you” is better said there than a jolly wish to be happy on a sad occasion.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a university professor and a part-time curator at a museum where we sponsor lectures by prominent figures in my field. After the evening lecture, the speaker and his or her spouse, if present -- in addition to any local friends, my wife, my assistant and possibly a few of my students who have attended -- all go out to dinner together at a good restaurant.

My assistant pays the bill with his credit card from the museum. From time to time, my assistant’s spouse attends the lecture, too, and has never been included in the dinner party. My assistant is pestering me to include her. We know her, but are not members of the same social circle.

My assistant argues that once the lecture is over and we go out, the occasion has become a social one, and spouses who are present should be included. I feel that it’s still a work event, despite the presence of people who are not getting paid by the museum.

Which is it? I will abide by your ruling.

GENTLE READER: It is so long since business hours had a definite end, after which workers were free to spend time with people of their own choosing, that Miss Manners is not surprised that you are both confused. Pseudo-socializing for professional reasons is so common that many only find out who their real friends are when they leave their jobs.

So here is a double answer:

Yes, these dinners are part of the job. Your assistant is there to work. If the lecturers were not there, you and he or she would not be out on the town together. Rather, you would both be free to spend time with your respective spouses or friends.

But you have taken your assistant’s evening, probably without paying overtime. You are even sending the wife home after she attends the lecture, in sight of all the other spouses accompanying you to dinner -- including yours.

You can justify this because your assistant is working. Nevertheless, Miss Manners asks you not to do so. It may be justified, but it is mean.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a long-time single person (divorced), my advice to anyone who receives a wedding invitation that does not include a guest is: Don’t go. If the bride is trying to save money, this will help her out.

Why would any engaged couple (generally joined at the hip) think sitting around at a party that is 99% couples is a fun time for a single person? Especially when the dancing starts.

It’s not so great to sit at a table by yourself. It’s actually condescending, and borders on disrespectful. I used to return the RSVP cards with a will-not-attend, but now, I don’t even bother doing that.

GENTLE READER: How disrespectful!

But Miss Manners agrees that you should not attend this wedding. You have so many good reasons:

You do not like the bride, whom you suspect of parsimony.

You do not want to socialize with the couple’s relatives and friends.

You have no interest in witnessing this marriage, only in using the occasion to have “a fun time” with someone the couple doesn’t know and therefore did not invite.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)