DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter will be graduating from high school in June. She has chosen to enter a four-year apprenticeship program for a union trade.

She would like to have a graduation party, and we would like to host one for her. But a friend questioned whether we should be having such a party since she won’t be attending college, and it might be tacky for my daughter to accept monetary gifts from guests since she won’t be using the money at college.

The friend stated that I might want to put something on the invitation about my daughter not attending college. I do not agree with her thinking. I want to have a celebration for her accomplishments throughout high school, and to also commend her on her choice to enter into an apprenticeship program. We are not having the party for the monetary gifts; we are having the party for our relatives and friends to celebrate our daughter’s accomplishments.

Please help me in preparing a response to naysayers who do not support our choice to have a party!!!!

GENTLE READER: Your friend’s logic is admirably inflexible, if entirely appalling: that the purpose of the party is to raise money from your near-and-dear; that your daughter will be earning, not spending, money; and that therefore, the party cannot go forward.

Miss Manners is surprised that your friend did not anticipate the possibility of expenses during the apprenticeship, but perhaps she was also sneering at your daughter’s plans.

The answer to such objections is the one you gave -- the party is a celebration, not a fundraiser -- though Miss Manners wonders how necessary (or possible) it is to convince such a friend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been asked for a good way to remind our senior volunteers of their commitments to work a couple of hours a week at the public library bookshelf, where we sell used books and donate the money back to the library. I have just assumed the bookshelf management job, and have never had responsibility over volunteer workers.

GENTLE READER: Managing volunteers requires both firmness and tact. Firmness, in treating the duties enough like a normal job that volunteers comply. And tact, in that you must be more patient and understanding of partial or noncompliance -- and more effusive in expressing gratitude for work done -- than a boss who is signing paychecks.

In the case you describe, Miss Manners recommends something as simple and direct as a sign-up sheet, perhaps followed by an automatic reminder.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a man in my mid-20s who has started a much-overdue habit of writing physical thank-you notes and personal letters, rather than emails or text messages.

I’m a bit self-conscious about my sloppy penmanship. If I type up personal, heartfelt words on good stationery and sign my own name by hand, will it still be considered appropriate as I continue to practice my penmanship?

GENTLE READER: Handwritten notes are appreciated for the effort they demonstrate -- and too often for their quaint rarity -- not for their legibility. Miss Manners suggests there is therefore no reason to delay handwriting the whole letter, particularly as it will simultaneously provide the needed practice.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are my polite options when two people on either side of my seat lean across me and talk to each other for an extended conversation? (I am the stranger; they seem to know each other.) This has happened on airplanes, at children’s programs and at the opera.

I’d like to be friendly, but often one person holds my arm back to keep me out of their way! I object to the touching, and also, of course, to the assumption that I don’t exist or don’t matter. I’ve pulled out a book and positioned it strategically on a plane, to some effect, but this isn’t appropriate at performances. Must I simply endure until they are finished?

GENTLE READER: Offer to change seats. This is more likely to be accepted in theaters than on airplanes, where no one wants the middle seat. But if you stand up and move into the aisle when you offer, Miss Manners would think they would find it awkward not to accept.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve seen two professional orchestral conductors wearing a white cummerbund with the white tie and tails of a man’s formal evening suit. Is the white pique waistcoat no longer the proper garment to wear with this suit? Fortunately, conductors have their back turned to us most of the time.

GENTLE READER: Fortunately. You are correct, but Miss Manners has seen worse on podiums, where a male desire to mess with formality has spread from the red carpet. A charitable explanation would be that the waistcoat somehow restricts those wildly waving arms.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s good friend is getting married to someone I have never been comfortable with; something about her did not feel right. When the invitation was received, my first and last name were spelled wrong, while my husband’s were not.

My husband got upset and emailed his friend, who responded, “not my lane.” There have been a few emails back and forth, with the last one offering to resend the invitation.

At this point, I am not wanting to attend the wedding because I feel this was intentional. Has this gone too far? Am I being too sensitive? Does the Big Day trump courtesy and etiquette?

GENTLE READER: Are you spoiling for a fight?

Call her naive, but Miss Manners has a hard time imagining any bride chortling as she deliberately misspells a guest’s name, thinking, “That’ll show her what I think of her.”

For that matter, your letter contained a misspelling and a missing apostrophe, which Miss Manners kindly supplied. But now you are worrying her: Had you put them there in order to insult her?

It is unpleasant to have one’s name misspelled, and people are often shockingly careless about their guest lists. But while having a Big Day is no excuse, it is hard to interpret extending a wedding invitation as a hostile act worthy of destroying a friendship. However, your husband might try pleading having had a Bad Day to excuse his quibbling to his friend.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is a business executive and I am a CEO for a nonprofit organization. His company’s leadership team is all male and socializes often, typically with dinner parties to which spouses are also invited. After dinner, the men most often retire to another area for cigars, leaving the spouses to converse until the evening is over.

The women are kind to me, but being the only one with a career and without children, I have little in common with them. Invariably, conversation quickly covers the latest fashions and television shows, followed by at least two hours discussing their children.

When I am occasionally asked about myself, I try to introduce a topic that might be of interest to all, but inevitably conversation returns to their children. I try to remain attentive, such that no one would suspect my profound boredom. Worse, I envy my husband, who is enjoying conversation about business leadership that I would find fascinating, and where I would enjoy engaging as a peer.

Our home is too small to host, so when we reciprocate, we plan a fun activity that encourages a more egalitarian social experience. While everyone professes to have had a good time, it is regarded as a one-time event and does not impact the social norm.

I want to support my husband, but I am finding these occasions increasingly excruciating. Other than “grin and bear it” or bowing out, do you have any suggestions that could help me engage or behave in a way that would make these events more satisfying for me?

GENTLE READER: Didn’t we solve this problem 50 years ago by banning business-related stag dinners? And haven’t we been trying, for just as long, to do away with the stereotype that mothers who are not in paid jobs are boring?

Well, maybe this set is. Parents do like to talk about their children.

But people tend to marry those with whom they have things in common even before they have children. If those husbands are interesting, it seems unlikely that the wives are all dullards. It is even possible that each one thinks that the others are, and restricts her conversation accordingly.

So although you do not have to attend those dinners, Miss Manners would like you to try again to draw them out. They probably have some interest in the business world, not only because of their husbands, but because so many are in it before being home with small children, and plan to reenter it. Perhaps they also do volunteer work and might be interested to hear about your nonprofit organization.

If you find even one kindred spirit, you could ask her to join you in crashing the stag party. That’s what we did in the days when that separation of the sexes after dinner was common.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a 21-year-old female who works closely with many people a lot older than I am. How do I politely respond to older women when they’re talking about the “joys of getting older,” i.e., hot flashes, loss of hair or memory, or anything that used to work that now doesn’t? I don’t want them to think I’m unsympathetic, but I also don’t want them to think I pity them.

GENTLE READER: “You’re certainly giving me something to look forward to.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)