DEAR MISS MANNERS: On our daily dawn walk, my friend and I found $4 folded on the ground. No one was around. I said, “Oh! Coffee money!”

She picked it up and put it on a nearby picnic table. It was a small amount of cash, no wallet or ID, so why did I feel guilty for wanting to take it? Was she right? Was I wrong?

GENTLE READER: The only fault here was innocence. Miss Manners finds your friend’s action sweet, but naive. The reality is that you are only leaving it for the next passerby.

She therefore declares that unidentifiable cash under $100 is fair game. Unmarked suitcases with stacks of bills inside must, however, be turned in to the authorities.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I own a one-bedroom, one-bathroom place in a popular resort city. Every summer, our relatives (brothers, sisters, nephews and nieces) stay with us for periods ranging from one weekend to a whole week, although they don’t all visit at the same time.

On the bathroom sink, there is a bar of soap, my husband’s and my toothbrushes, toothpaste, shaving cream and various facial and skin care products. In the shower stall, there is shower gel and various hair care products. There is a guest hand-towel in the bathroom, and I give each guest a set of fresh towels for personal use.

Some of the guests bring their own toiletries, which they put on the sink and in the shower; others simply help themselves to what’s available without asking. I can tell because the bottles empty out quickly.

My husband is of the opinion that the shower gel, like the bar of soap and guest hand-towel, are for common use, while the skin and facial products and hair products are for personal use -- like the bath towels I give each guest -- even if we leave them in the bathroom. I argue that if we don’t want the guests to use those products, then we should at least put them in the bathroom cabinet out of sight. He counter-argues that that is inconvenient, and guests should only use their own products.

For the record, when I stay at someone’s place, I bring my own toiletries and keep them in a bag on the bedside table. What should the polite and courteous guests/hosts do?

GENTLE READER: You husband is relying on a Newtonian level of deductive reasoning from your guests to figure out what is for public use and what is not.

Miss Manners agrees with the principle: that guests should bring their own toiletries for use in a communal bathroom. However, if they cannot be trusted and you want to keep your personal items, well, personal, Miss Manners suggests a compromise: Put your own things away and then purchase economy-size versions of shampoo, conditioner and shower gel, so that it is very clear what is to be shared -- and what is not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know people are being nice when they ask if I had a nice Christmas, but I didn’t. My husband is dead, my only sibling is dead, my youngest child is dead and my other child is not having anything to do with me because I sold my home and moved to a smaller one. And I have a mother in a nursing home with dementia, who picked Christmas day to kick me hard in the shin three times when I was trying to help her.

When people ask about my Christmas, I just say, “It was OK.” Should I tell them how I really felt about that day?

GENTLE READER: Only if your intention is to ruin theirs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, I have been asked to give advice on various people’s paths through life, based on my own. There is no conversation I am less inclined to have, since I have little available time, am repelled by the idea of discussing my private affairs with a complete stranger, and consider that I am in no position to advise anyone.

Yet such an interview has been proposed by more than one young person, or the young person’s relative, as if there were a generally accepted social obligation to accede to it. When I say that I am sorry but I cannot, they appear surprised and offended.

Can Miss Manners suggest a more delicate way of refusing such a request, which is not meant to be, but that I consider to be, offensively intrusive and an unwarranted imposition on my time?

GENTLE READER: Intrusive? Is it possible that there are people left on this self-publicizing Earth who do not want to regale unsuspecting audiences with all the minutiae of their lives? Miss Manners is torn between admiration and admonition -- the latter for the fact that you do not find it flattering to want to be emulated.

However, she will help you out by arming you with this sentence if you promise to utter it kindly: “I am flattered, but I am afraid that my life’s path, in all of its lengthy details, would bore you. If you have a specific question about my field, I would be happy to answer it.” Then, at the very least, your admirers will have to go away for a while and do some research before attempting to bother you again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a server, I happily extend hospitality to the entire spectrum of society, using “sir,” “ma’am,” “ladies,” etc. when addressing guests.

On occasion, I’m perplexed when ladies dressed in matching, masculine clothes dine at a table I’m serving. I feel awkward using both “ma’am” and “sir.” I’m not certain which they would prefer, and certainly do not want to offend.

GENTLE READER: Avoid giving titles entirely. Use “everyone” and “anyone” wherever possible, as in “Does everyone have everything they need?” or “Does anyone need anything?” When in doubt -- or when trying to single someone out -- Miss Manners highly recommends eye contact.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I own and operate a small jewelry store in a largely military area, where our business serves mostly working-class and lower-middle-class people. We have been around for a long time and have a good senior citizen customer base.

We’ve set our margins to the minimum we need to charge in order to keep a brick-and-mortar location, and to make an OK living at what we do. We are not getting rich by any definition of the word.

No matter how many times I’ve been asked, I still stumble around answering the question of whether we offer a discount to military personnel or senior citizens. In order to be able to afford to do that, we would basically have to raise our pricing by whatever discount was offered to those groups, which would adversely affect the working-class people that make up the other part of our customer base.

Many handle my, “No, I’m sorry, we don’t” pretty well, but I need something more to smooth over those who feel entitled to a discount. Some invariably act offended that I’m not appreciative of their service to our country or their advanced age. Will you please help me with a nicer way to convey this?

GENTLE READER: Whole industries have attempted to preempt such criticisms by being on perpetual sale. Miss Manners could have told them that this would not solve the problem. The people who complain are not as interested in the discount as in being singled out for special treatment.

The solution is to express genuine gratitude and admiration for them. Then explain that, since the vast majority of your customers are in their exact situation, you have already lowered all your prices relative to the competition. That seemed, to you, less insulting to their intelligence -- and more respectful of their time -- than creating a discount that nearly every one of your customers would receive.

You may then insult their intelligence by describing their profession as “service,” their age as “seniority” or their poverty as being due to their status as a “working family.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there ever a meal casual enough to allow the host to plate meals for guests at the stove, rather than putting serving dishes on the table? I got into the habit of doing this because it is how I feed my immediate family, and I usually only have one or two close friends as guests.

When my in-laws are over for a formal meal (or, as formal as they get in my home), I do put out serving dishes. Is it ever acceptable to fill a guest’s bowl with a stew or chili and place it on the table that way?

GENTLE READER: It may surprise readers to learn that Miss Manners does not object to informality, only to cheapening it by applying it universally.

Formality and informality can both be signs of respect to a guest: formality, by demonstrating a willingness to do more; informality, by demonstrating intimacy. Family-style with intimate friends is justified when you think of them as family.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)