DEAR MISS MANNERS: I own and operate a small jewelry store in a largely military area, where our business serves mostly working-class and lower-middle-class people. We have been around for a long time and have a good senior citizen customer base.

We’ve set our margins to the minimum we need to charge in order to keep a brick-and-mortar location, and to make an OK living at what we do. We are not getting rich by any definition of the word.

No matter how many times I’ve been asked, I still stumble around answering the question of whether we offer a discount to military personnel or senior citizens. In order to be able to afford to do that, we would basically have to raise our pricing by whatever discount was offered to those groups, which would adversely affect the working-class people that make up the other part of our customer base.

Many handle my, “No, I’m sorry, we don’t” pretty well, but I need something more to smooth over those who feel entitled to a discount. Some invariably act offended that I’m not appreciative of their service to our country or their advanced age. Will you please help me with a nicer way to convey this?

GENTLE READER: Whole industries have attempted to preempt such criticisms by being on perpetual sale. Miss Manners could have told them that this would not solve the problem. The people who complain are not as interested in the discount as in being singled out for special treatment.

The solution is to express genuine gratitude and admiration for them. Then explain that, since the vast majority of your customers are in their exact situation, you have already lowered all your prices relative to the competition. That seemed, to you, less insulting to their intelligence -- and more respectful of their time -- than creating a discount that nearly every one of your customers would receive.

You may then insult their intelligence by describing their profession as “service,” their age as “seniority” or their poverty as being due to their status as a “working family.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there ever a meal casual enough to allow the host to plate meals for guests at the stove, rather than putting serving dishes on the table? I got into the habit of doing this because it is how I feed my immediate family, and I usually only have one or two close friends as guests.

When my in-laws are over for a formal meal (or, as formal as they get in my home), I do put out serving dishes. Is it ever acceptable to fill a guest’s bowl with a stew or chili and place it on the table that way?

GENTLE READER: It may surprise readers to learn that Miss Manners does not object to informality, only to cheapening it by applying it universally.

Formality and informality can both be signs of respect to a guest: formality, by demonstrating a willingness to do more; informality, by demonstrating intimacy. Family-style with intimate friends is justified when you think of them as family.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one go about politely refusing the entreaties of old friends to reconnect?

I have so many demands on my time as it is. My hands are already full maintaining existing friendships, and I don’t wish to put in the effort to reconnect with someone I haven’t seen in years.

There may be a time in my life when the demands are fewer, but right now is not that time. “Sorry, I’m 31 now and I’ve become very discriminating about who I spend my free time with” lacks tact.

GENTLE READER: So, Miss Manners would have thought, does ignoring requests, but, at least with electronic communication, this is the widely accepted solution.

Etiquette accepts this by inventing the fiction that perhaps the communication was misdirected to spam or the receiver is not an expert at modern technology. The nontechnical equivalent for direct entreaties is the vague response (“Oh, we’d love to, but right now things are very busy”), repeated to exhaustion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a little conundrum. I currently live in my late parents’ home as the trustee to their estate. My siblings and I are in the process of selling the house, and I will be moving soon. My parents lived in this home for many decades.

My mother received both of her parents’ ashes when they passed, and she buried them in her front yard and made a little handmade headstone. I’m conflicted about moving away and leaving my grandparents there. But I don’t know if this is an etiquette issue or some ancient taboo thing that I would be violating if I chose to dig up their ashes and headstone and take them with me.

None of my siblings seemed to care about doing anything with them when I mentioned it. Is there any protocol I should know about this?

GENTLE READER: Disinterments are not to be done lightly, but you have another problem, which Miss Manners informs you of with the utmost respect: You presumably would prefer to avoid a discussion with the new owners about who is interred on the property.

The good news is that the ashes are likely self-contained, which will make recovering them easier. Although your siblings have not expressed any concern, they, and you, might appreciate a respectful reburial of the ashes somewhere that is less likely to be disturbed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a potluck dinner attended by households of varying sizes (i.e. some singles, some couples, some families with children), should attendees bring one dish per person, or one dish per household?

GENTLE READER: Because she believes that it is the host’s responsibility to feed the guests, Miss Manners looks on default potlucks with suspicion.

But recognizing that they have their place, and in the interest of feeding the hungry, she recommends a target for each household unit attending of one serving per guest. Not wanting to burden guests further, she decrees that if you provide both eclairs and cheesecake, guests may have to choose one or the other. Should more specifics be needed, surely the hostess, who has been relieved of the bulk of her own duties, will have time to address them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am currently penning thank-you notes to two different sets of friends I enjoyed hosting this fall: thank-yous for their time, company and hostess gifts. I enjoy writing a simple note to dear friends.

However, as a high school English teacher, I receive thoughtful thank-you gifts from students -- primarily, but not exclusively, thank-yous for writing letters of recommendation on their behalf. A thank-you note from a student is cherished and a thank-you gift is not necessary, but appreciated.

I feel guilty that I do not write those students a thank-you note for the gifts, but there are many that all come at nearly the same time, some quite expensive (dinner for two or similar) and I don’t have time. Am I obliged to write a thank-you note for a thank-you gift?

GENTLE READER: That this question is asked frequently astonishes Miss Manners. Letters of thanks need not be answered, but presents, for whatever reason they are given, must always be acknowledged.

She is even more shocked that this comes from a teacher -- and one who writes letters of thanks to friends and appreciates receiving them from students. Why would you not want to take a few minutes to dash off a few more short notes to give your generous students the same pleasure? Do you really want to set them an example of ignoring thoughtfulness?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: More and more, I am hearing people bellow, “Well, excuse you!” at anyone who might be in the speaker’s way, or not moving fast enough, or even politely expressing a differing opinion.

In no case have I ever seen a reason for anger and impatience. I find this expression entirely disrespectful and rude, but have no idea how, or if, one should respond. Sooner or later, I am sure I will be the one taking too long in a grocery store’s aisle.

It seems to me that everybody has those moments when they are distracted and unknowingly test the patience of a bystander. If someone politely said, “Excuse me,” or “Can I get by?” I would apologize profusely as I hurried out of their way, but I am not sure how to politely respond to this new way of telling people to move.

GENTLE READER: Try, “That’s quite all right; go ahead.” Miss Manners assures you that nothing annoys rude people more than to have their unpleasant remarks mistaken for polite ones.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will have the pleasure of attending a wedding in England. Following the ceremony, there will be a seated dinner and dancing, which will last into the night. The dress code is “formal.”

I plan to wear a long dress and a small, decorative hat. Could you please explain when/if I should remove it?

GENTLE READER: Before dinner, which is when you may change into that long dress. Hats are worn at English weddings because the ceremony takes place during the day, but not at night, while long dresses may be worn at night, but not during the day. Miss Manners hopes she caught you before you packed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)