DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one go about politely refusing the entreaties of old friends to reconnect?

I have so many demands on my time as it is. My hands are already full maintaining existing friendships, and I don’t wish to put in the effort to reconnect with someone I haven’t seen in years.

There may be a time in my life when the demands are fewer, but right now is not that time. “Sorry, I’m 31 now and I’ve become very discriminating about who I spend my free time with” lacks tact.

GENTLE READER: So, Miss Manners would have thought, does ignoring requests, but, at least with electronic communication, this is the widely accepted solution.

Etiquette accepts this by inventing the fiction that perhaps the communication was misdirected to spam or the receiver is not an expert at modern technology. The nontechnical equivalent for direct entreaties is the vague response (“Oh, we’d love to, but right now things are very busy”), repeated to exhaustion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a little conundrum. I currently live in my late parents’ home as the trustee to their estate. My siblings and I are in the process of selling the house, and I will be moving soon. My parents lived in this home for many decades.

My mother received both of her parents’ ashes when they passed, and she buried them in her front yard and made a little handmade headstone. I’m conflicted about moving away and leaving my grandparents there. But I don’t know if this is an etiquette issue or some ancient taboo thing that I would be violating if I chose to dig up their ashes and headstone and take them with me.

None of my siblings seemed to care about doing anything with them when I mentioned it. Is there any protocol I should know about this?

GENTLE READER: Disinterments are not to be done lightly, but you have another problem, which Miss Manners informs you of with the utmost respect: You presumably would prefer to avoid a discussion with the new owners about who is interred on the property.

The good news is that the ashes are likely self-contained, which will make recovering them easier. Although your siblings have not expressed any concern, they, and you, might appreciate a respectful reburial of the ashes somewhere that is less likely to be disturbed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a potluck dinner attended by households of varying sizes (i.e. some singles, some couples, some families with children), should attendees bring one dish per person, or one dish per household?

GENTLE READER: Because she believes that it is the host’s responsibility to feed the guests, Miss Manners looks on default potlucks with suspicion.

But recognizing that they have their place, and in the interest of feeding the hungry, she recommends a target for each household unit attending of one serving per guest. Not wanting to burden guests further, she decrees that if you provide both eclairs and cheesecake, guests may have to choose one or the other. Should more specifics be needed, surely the hostess, who has been relieved of the bulk of her own duties, will have time to address them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am currently penning thank-you notes to two different sets of friends I enjoyed hosting this fall: thank-yous for their time, company and hostess gifts. I enjoy writing a simple note to dear friends.

However, as a high school English teacher, I receive thoughtful thank-you gifts from students -- primarily, but not exclusively, thank-yous for writing letters of recommendation on their behalf. A thank-you note from a student is cherished and a thank-you gift is not necessary, but appreciated.

I feel guilty that I do not write those students a thank-you note for the gifts, but there are many that all come at nearly the same time, some quite expensive (dinner for two or similar) and I don’t have time. Am I obliged to write a thank-you note for a thank-you gift?

GENTLE READER: That this question is asked frequently astonishes Miss Manners. Letters of thanks need not be answered, but presents, for whatever reason they are given, must always be acknowledged.

She is even more shocked that this comes from a teacher -- and one who writes letters of thanks to friends and appreciates receiving them from students. Why would you not want to take a few minutes to dash off a few more short notes to give your generous students the same pleasure? Do you really want to set them an example of ignoring thoughtfulness?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: More and more, I am hearing people bellow, “Well, excuse you!” at anyone who might be in the speaker’s way, or not moving fast enough, or even politely expressing a differing opinion.

In no case have I ever seen a reason for anger and impatience. I find this expression entirely disrespectful and rude, but have no idea how, or if, one should respond. Sooner or later, I am sure I will be the one taking too long in a grocery store’s aisle.

It seems to me that everybody has those moments when they are distracted and unknowingly test the patience of a bystander. If someone politely said, “Excuse me,” or “Can I get by?” I would apologize profusely as I hurried out of their way, but I am not sure how to politely respond to this new way of telling people to move.

GENTLE READER: Try, “That’s quite all right; go ahead.” Miss Manners assures you that nothing annoys rude people more than to have their unpleasant remarks mistaken for polite ones.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will have the pleasure of attending a wedding in England. Following the ceremony, there will be a seated dinner and dancing, which will last into the night. The dress code is “formal.”

I plan to wear a long dress and a small, decorative hat. Could you please explain when/if I should remove it?

GENTLE READER: Before dinner, which is when you may change into that long dress. Hats are worn at English weddings because the ceremony takes place during the day, but not at night, while long dresses may be worn at night, but not during the day. Miss Manners hopes she caught you before you packed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I commute by bicycle, and I walk many miles on the sidewalks of the dense inner city in which I live and work. I often call out expressions of encouragement to the people I observe in traffic, such as, “You go, girl, right through that red light! VIPs don’t need to stop!” and “No need to park in a driveway when you can double-park in the bike lane!” and, to pedestrians, “Please, take your time crossing against the light. Your time’s more important than everyone else’s!”

I notice that the objects of my enthusiasm often respond with vulgar insults, obscene gestures and threats of violence. Am I missing something? Has my cheerleading been a breach of good manners?

GENTLE READER: Why, those people are just cheerleading you when they encourage you to do something to yourself. It is true that your insults are less crudely worded, but they are clearly insults, and they inspire retaliatory insults.

You started it. And Miss Manners is asking you to stop. You are making a public nuisance of yourself. Even she does not have license to go around the streets, criticizing people unasked. It is rude, and the only change it makes in behavior is for the worse.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one respond to unwanted gifts received while traveling to visit friends and family?

We live overseas, but we make an effort to visit family in the U.S. at least once a year -- a trip that involves a one- or two-hour train ride, followed by a 12-hour plane ride, all with two children under 5.

Before visiting, we explain to everyone that we will have no room in our luggage and request no gifts. Despite this, many family members give us things, saying, “It’s small and easy to pack.” If 10 people give “small and easy to pack” gifts, that’s a carry-on bag’s worth of gifts. Since we’re already at max capacity with luggage, we end up having to make a stop at the post office to ship things back, which can cost over $100.

I don’t want to seem ungracious, and I know these people mean well, but how else can we explain the situation without seeming rude? A handwritten card would be just as personal as any trinket, or, if someone really wants to give us something, it can be shipped to where we live. This has been going on for three years and we’re starting to rethink our visits.

GENTLE READER: No, no, you are not going to cut off your relatives for the act of showering you with presents. This does not qualify as cause for breaking up families.

Still, Miss Manners sympathizes with the inconvenience they cause you. As they do not accept that in words, she is afraid that we will have to turn to deeds.

Thanking them without reservation at the time, you could wait until just before you leave to plead for a big favor. You find you cannot pack these wonderful things, and, as your time is short, hope that they will do you the great kindness of sending them to you. You should offer to pay. The nuisance of packing and posting it all will serve to illustrate the problem.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)