DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am currently penning thank-you notes to two different sets of friends I enjoyed hosting this fall: thank-yous for their time, company and hostess gifts. I enjoy writing a simple note to dear friends.

However, as a high school English teacher, I receive thoughtful thank-you gifts from students -- primarily, but not exclusively, thank-yous for writing letters of recommendation on their behalf. A thank-you note from a student is cherished and a thank-you gift is not necessary, but appreciated.

I feel guilty that I do not write those students a thank-you note for the gifts, but there are many that all come at nearly the same time, some quite expensive (dinner for two or similar) and I don’t have time. Am I obliged to write a thank-you note for a thank-you gift?

GENTLE READER: That this question is asked frequently astonishes Miss Manners. Letters of thanks need not be answered, but presents, for whatever reason they are given, must always be acknowledged.

She is even more shocked that this comes from a teacher -- and one who writes letters of thanks to friends and appreciates receiving them from students. Why would you not want to take a few minutes to dash off a few more short notes to give your generous students the same pleasure? Do you really want to set them an example of ignoring thoughtfulness?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: More and more, I am hearing people bellow, “Well, excuse you!” at anyone who might be in the speaker’s way, or not moving fast enough, or even politely expressing a differing opinion.

In no case have I ever seen a reason for anger and impatience. I find this expression entirely disrespectful and rude, but have no idea how, or if, one should respond. Sooner or later, I am sure I will be the one taking too long in a grocery store’s aisle.

It seems to me that everybody has those moments when they are distracted and unknowingly test the patience of a bystander. If someone politely said, “Excuse me,” or “Can I get by?” I would apologize profusely as I hurried out of their way, but I am not sure how to politely respond to this new way of telling people to move.

GENTLE READER: Try, “That’s quite all right; go ahead.” Miss Manners assures you that nothing annoys rude people more than to have their unpleasant remarks mistaken for polite ones.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will have the pleasure of attending a wedding in England. Following the ceremony, there will be a seated dinner and dancing, which will last into the night. The dress code is “formal.”

I plan to wear a long dress and a small, decorative hat. Could you please explain when/if I should remove it?

GENTLE READER: Before dinner, which is when you may change into that long dress. Hats are worn at English weddings because the ceremony takes place during the day, but not at night, while long dresses may be worn at night, but not during the day. Miss Manners hopes she caught you before you packed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I commute by bicycle, and I walk many miles on the sidewalks of the dense inner city in which I live and work. I often call out expressions of encouragement to the people I observe in traffic, such as, “You go, girl, right through that red light! VIPs don’t need to stop!” and “No need to park in a driveway when you can double-park in the bike lane!” and, to pedestrians, “Please, take your time crossing against the light. Your time’s more important than everyone else’s!”

I notice that the objects of my enthusiasm often respond with vulgar insults, obscene gestures and threats of violence. Am I missing something? Has my cheerleading been a breach of good manners?

GENTLE READER: Why, those people are just cheerleading you when they encourage you to do something to yourself. It is true that your insults are less crudely worded, but they are clearly insults, and they inspire retaliatory insults.

You started it. And Miss Manners is asking you to stop. You are making a public nuisance of yourself. Even she does not have license to go around the streets, criticizing people unasked. It is rude, and the only change it makes in behavior is for the worse.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one respond to unwanted gifts received while traveling to visit friends and family?

We live overseas, but we make an effort to visit family in the U.S. at least once a year -- a trip that involves a one- or two-hour train ride, followed by a 12-hour plane ride, all with two children under 5.

Before visiting, we explain to everyone that we will have no room in our luggage and request no gifts. Despite this, many family members give us things, saying, “It’s small and easy to pack.” If 10 people give “small and easy to pack” gifts, that’s a carry-on bag’s worth of gifts. Since we’re already at max capacity with luggage, we end up having to make a stop at the post office to ship things back, which can cost over $100.

I don’t want to seem ungracious, and I know these people mean well, but how else can we explain the situation without seeming rude? A handwritten card would be just as personal as any trinket, or, if someone really wants to give us something, it can be shipped to where we live. This has been going on for three years and we’re starting to rethink our visits.

GENTLE READER: No, no, you are not going to cut off your relatives for the act of showering you with presents. This does not qualify as cause for breaking up families.

Still, Miss Manners sympathizes with the inconvenience they cause you. As they do not accept that in words, she is afraid that we will have to turn to deeds.

Thanking them without reservation at the time, you could wait until just before you leave to plead for a big favor. You find you cannot pack these wonderful things, and, as your time is short, hope that they will do you the great kindness of sending them to you. You should offer to pay. The nuisance of packing and posting it all will serve to illustrate the problem.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are you supposed to tip if your meal is free due to bad service?

The other night, we went out to eat. The hostess seated us with menus, but then no one took our drink order or spoke to us for quite a long time. They continued waiting on customers who arrived after us, some of whom already had their food before they realized the mistake. They apologized repeatedly and said our food and drinks would be free of charge.

We estimated what the bill probably would have been and gave them about 50% tip, feeling generous due to the fact that we weren’t paying for dinner.

GENTLE READER: Well, this is a fine conundrum. You were given bad service, but the food was fine. So you paid for the service, not for the food. What a world.

Miss Manners will refrain from lecturing the country yet again on why tipping is a terrible custom (workers should instead be given a decent wage), because this ridiculous situation defies logic itself. Until we reform the system, however, your solution -- for what seemed to be an honest mistake -- was as good as any. The irony is rich, however, that the only one who did not come out ahead in all of this was the innocent chef, who did his or her job well.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are raising two children, ages 4 years and 17 months. One of our favorite go-to breakfast foods is a bowl of cereal. Here’s our kitchen quandary: When all the cereal is gone from the bowl, my 4-year-old drinks the remaining milk from the bowl.

I did that growing up, and I thought that’s what most people did, but apparently not. My husband thinks it is terrible, so he started teaching her to drink the milk from the spoon.

I never paid that much attention to how he ate cereal pre-kids, but it is somewhat amusing to watch the two of them ingest what seems like endless teaspoons of cereal milk, when they could save time by just drinking the remainder directly from the bowl. However, the big mess on the table my 4-year-old makes from scooping and splashing the milk compelled me to seek answers.

Can you solve this for us? Is it a ghastly sight to drink the milk from the cereal bowl, or is the bigger faux pas the loud, repetitive suctioning of milk from a spoon at a fast pace?

GENTLE READER: Are these the only options? While there is such a thing as at-home manners versus public ones, Miss Manners is in agreement with your husband that it is never too early to start instilling social ones, particularly at an age when it is too easy to conflate the two (e.g., “But Mommy, I’ve seen you eat food from other people’s plates when we’re at home”).

If your husband is going to the trouble to teach the children how to use a spoon, then he -- and you -- must also have the patience to wait out the learning period, as they master it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)