DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother-in-law has made sexually inappropriate remarks to me on a few different occasions. At a family wedding, he came up to me and hugged me with his full body, touching his private area to my leg. He did not hug with just the upper body portion, as is customary.

After each of the comments, I told him to cut it out. At the wedding, I gave him a very disapproving look and walked away, avoiding him the rest of the time.

He used to be a frequent guest at my house (we live in a different state). When he wanted to come and visit again, I had to insist to my husband that this brother is no longer welcome.

My husband got involved at that point, for the first time -- he had refused to do so beforehand, even though all of the events took place while he was present (but not within hearing or seeing distance, except once, which he laughed off). The brother sent me a card apologizing “if anything he did made me uncomfortable.” My husband felt that was satisfactory.

There was another family wedding, where I was able to steer clear of him. He did, however, come up to me the next day at a related event to say hi while I was alone at a food table. I said hi and walked away.

My husband tries to “get it,” but doesn’t really seem to. My sons’ reactions are similar, and all have continued their relationships with him just as before. It seems like the problem just falls on me whenever there are family get-togethers.

Am I obligated to accept the apology to keep the peace? Should my husband and sons support me more? Do I need to put this behind me, even though I’m now on edge even at the prospect of having to be around him? I prefer not to go at all, whenever possible. My sister-in-law (his wife) wonders why I’m not as friendly with her.

GENTLE READER: “I’m sorry that you felt uncomfortable” is not an apology for one’s behavior, only for the victim’s reaction to it. Miss Manners is in agreement with you that it is not enough -- particularly when the misbehavior occurred multiple times.

This man would have to show you through his actions that he had reformed, and Miss Manners does not blame you for not wanting to give him the opportunity.

Worse, as is grossly typical of these situations, you are now the one who is considered the nuisance, not he who committed the indiscretion. Your husband should speak to his brother frankly -- accompanied by the threat, if necessary, of explaining to his wife why you have been distant.

If your husband is not willing to get involved for your sake, perhaps you can persuade him to do so on behalf of his sons. Surely he does not want your brother-in-law’s behavior -- or his own complicity -- imitated in the future by them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When you have guests, must you offer a full bar or no bar at all? We don’t typically have anything on hand but martini fixings and scotch, but we do stock beer and wine for guests.

GENTLE READER: While good hosts make reasonable efforts to see that their guests enjoy themselves, you are not running a bar. Neither etiquette nor Miss Manners imposes any requirements about the contents of the liquor cabinet, any more than we require a menu of dinner options.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been with my boyfriend for a few years. He has an 18-year-old daughter and an 11-year-old son from a previous relationship.

My boyfriend’s uncle is getting married; this isn’t his mom’s or dad’s brother, but an “uncle” through his mother’s cousin’s family. When we received the wedding invitation, it directed us to an RSVP website where I marked our names as, “Yes, we will attend.” My name and my boyfriend’s were the only ones listed, both on the website and on our invitation.

Once I let my boyfriend know, he thought there must be a mistake, and that his uncle must have forgotten to invite his kids, or at least the 18-year-old. I said, “Maybe they don’t want anyone under 21 attending. I think it was deliberate,” horrified at the idea that he would think a wedding invitation would be sent so frivolously and without the proper guests being invited.

Weddings are expensive and planned out with care. Dinner costs a certain amount of money per head, and I’m positive there is a budget and this was all figured out already. Also, the invitation literally said, “Join us for a night of debauchery, dancing and drinks!” which clearly seemed to imply that it was adults-only.

I told him as much. I’m not sure what he didn’t understand about this, but he went ahead and called his uncle! His uncle was gracious and said, “Yes, she can come.”

Maybe it’s not a big deal, but I think it was incredibly rude to ask to invite another guest to a wedding. He did get his way, but wasn’t it uncouth? Am I just stuck being stuck-up? Sometimes I feel he lacks social grace and awareness, and this seems to be a glaring example. Please correct me if I’m wrong!

GENTLE READER: You are correct that invitations are not to be thought of as an offer to negotiate more generous terms. But Miss Manners is concerned how you plan to use her endorsement. You are only a provisional member of your boyfriend’s family. For now, his judgment has precedence in matters regarding interactions with them -- if only because he knows them better. Perhaps he remembers that the uncle is forgetful and is close to his older daughter.

That, at least, is the theory. In practice, it sounds like the uncle merely acquiesced.

The good news is that your boyfriend is only a provisional member of your own family. Explain why you would not have put your own family member in such an awkward position. How he reacts may provide useful evidence as you decide whether your provisional relationship should become permanent.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my sisters, who is big into the ancestry research stuff, gave all of her immediate family members DNA test kits for Christmas. She convinced herself that we were interested in her personal hobby.

I told her that I think skydiving is great (not a good example), and that I would congratulate anyone who wanted to do it. However, I would never want to jump out of a plane.

She was hurt that I wasn’t thrilled. I told her that the present was for her -- and because I love her, I will take the test with the understanding that this is her present, not mine.

I think it’s a rude gift to receive for Christmas. There are a lot of jokes and implications that could be made about it. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Presents that are more about the giver than the receiver are thoughtless; ones that criticize the receiver are rude. There is a difference.

Miss Manners understands that the former has occurred, but sees no evidence to suggest that your sister meant to question your legitimacy or your mother’s honor. You should therefore have accepted the gift with good grace.

You need not, however, actually take the test. If asked, you might say either that you have not gotten around to it, not mentioning that you never will, or admit that you are not as interested in ancestry as she.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife, my son and I have been in the habit of going out to a restaurant together for Saturday breakfast. My wife takes her vitamins in a small disposable bag, and at the end of the meal, she leaves the empty bag on the table. Sometimes she will leave with it a tissue that she has used to refresh her makeup.

My son, who has worked in food service, criticizes her for this, and asserts that no personal trash should be left on the table that was not part of eating the meal itself -- and that it is especially inappropriate to expect someone else to handle the tissue, which might have been used for anything.

My wife is unrepentant. What would you advise?

GENTLE READER: Given your close relationship to the disagreeing parties, Miss Manners would advise staying out of the line of fire. But she agrees with your son that the fact that a restaurant table is going to be cleaned and reset is not an invitation to add to the post-meal debris.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I send an email to a co-worker or a friend requesting a bit of information they can easily supply, should I append an ambiguous “Thanks” to the end? (“Thanks for considering this request”?)

When I receive the information, should I send another email saying “Thanks,” possibly adding to inbox clutter? Or should I do both?

GENTLE READER: Anticipatory thanks are strange, and even due thanks are not always welcome: Grouches will complain that you are filling their inboxes, presumably crowding out notices of cake in the break room.

But they are polite. Miss Manners would not worry about their being ambiguous, as it simply means they are doing double duty.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)