DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother taught me to congratulate a groom or newly engaged man, but to offer happiness and best wishes to the bride/newly engaged woman. I see many people congratulating both today, rather than offering best wishes to the woman. I find myself doing it more and more with the younger couples I know who are getting engaged and married.

My very elderly mother heard me congratulate a friend’s daughter on her engagement and lectured me on how inappropriate I was. Is there truly a correct way to offer such congratulations to a couple that expresses my joy and happiness for them? And if I am still supposed to offer much happiness and best wishes to a bride, what do I do for a same-sex couple?

GENTLE READER: Your mother may be pleased to hear that Miss Manners still makes this distinction. But nobody else does.

And as it is based on the premise that the bridegroom is lucky to have taken a bride, and that the bride may be in need of luck, it is hard to justify -- and impossible, even with that silly division in mind, to apply to a wedding of two brides or two bridegrooms.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in my early 60s and have worked in my profession for over 30 years. I recently wore my hair pulled back, and a co-worker (with whom I get along) commented that my hairstyle was “cute” and that it made me “look like a little girl.”

I thanked her, and said that I knew she meant the comment as a compliment (I wanted to at least show that I’d give her the benefit of the doubt), but asked her politely not to call me a little girl. She asked, in a surprised voice, “Why not?”

When I said that I considered it disrespectful, another co-worker who was standing near us asked, in a challenging voice, “in what way” it was disrespectful. We resolved the issue when I said it was OK to say I look “cute” (I don’t like that either, but I wanted to end the conversation).

I told another co-worker, a friend, about the incident, and she again questioned what was wrong with the remark. The lady who made the remark might, indeed, have been trying to belittle me, and reacted defensively, with backup from the second co-worker.

But why would my friend not acknowledge the veiled insult? I consider her a close friend; I have socialized with her outside of work, and we share confidences. Could it be a cultural thing? Can you provide any insight on the matter?

GENTLE READER: You started out so well -- realizing that a compliment was intended, and responding graciously. So then why pick a quarrel with a co-worker who was trying to be nice?

Admittedly there are times when that characterization would belittle you. But in this instance, it was just the awkward compliment of someone who unfortunately has bought into the idea that all grown-ups want to pass as young -- even, in this case, ridiculously young. Miss Manners recommends dropping the grievance and the topic.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I lost about 75 pounds over the course of a year due to a chronic illness. It was partially the illness, but mostly the medications I was taking, which made me nauseous and I never had an appetite. My doctors and I feel that the illness is mostly under control now.

My closest friends and family are aware of my diagnosis, but it is not something I’m comfortable sharing with those outside my inner circle. However, when I see someone who has not seen me in several months, they are often over-the-top complimentary of how great I look.

For the most part, I can say “thank you” and change the subject, but many times, people will not give up. They want to know my diet and exercise secrets, and it gets very uncomfortable because obviously I do not have any.

I don’t want to lie to them, but I’m also not comfortable sharing my medical history in casual conversation. How can I politely decline to answer these questions without telling people to back off?

GENTLE READER: “I didn’t put any special effort into it. I was actually able to eat as much as I wanted.”

Although this is quite true, as you did not want to eat, Miss Manners is aware that it will annoy your questioners. They are hoping to hear a magic formula that they can use to lose weight without the tiresome necessity of eating less and exercising.

But so be it. They will be momentarily stunned, during which time you can open another topic.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an amazing group of friends and neighbors with whom I love to enjoy outings, parties and events. Depending on the host, venue or situation, the guest list is not always under my control. A lot of these gatherings get posted on social media.

A childhood friend of mine, who knows none of the other ladies, comments on the social media posts that her feelings were hurt that she did not get invited, and that she must not be very much fun.

I’m at a loss as to how to respond. I have told her before that it wasn’t up to me who to invite, it wasn’t my home, or I could only invite very limited guests. This does not seem to stop her from commenting.

She does not live in our area, she does not know any of the other ladies, and it makes me feel terrible. Am I in the wrong?

GENTLE READER: Only for not understanding that your childhood friend is still a child.

It is unfortunate that social media has trashed the rule against advertising parties to those who are not invited. But still, mature people should come to terms with the fact that they are not likely to be included in everything. And in this case, it is especially unrealistic of your friend to pout about not being invited to strangers’ parties.

Miss Manners notes that you have tried to explain this, and can only keep doing so. But you can at least spare yourself doubts.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had an unfortunate encounter in a parking lot. When I got out of my car, the lady in the car next to me also got out, walked around her car, and physically placed herself in front of me to prevent me from leaving the space between the cars.

She then demanded that I allow her to open my driver’s door to make sure that my car had not dinged hers when I opened it. The passenger side of her car was, to the naked eye, totally free from scratches; anyone could see that my door had not scratched hers. But she would not get out of my way without my compliance.

The doors could touch each other, it turned out, but again, no dings or scratches at point of contact. She literally shoved her nose right up next to the car to examine her paint job, and had to admit that it was not scratched.

I had business inside, and when I came out, she was waiting for me, apparently to lecture me about my parking habits and demand to know if I worked at the business that owned the lot.

I advised her that if she did not want anyone touching her car, ever, she should leave it in her garage. Then I got in my car and drove off.

I now wish I had shut her down earlier, when she first demanded that I prove something that she could see for herself had not happened, but I don’t know how I could have done it within the bounds of civility. Is there a way I could have extracted myself without giving in to her intimidation tactics, even as much as I did?

GENTLE READER: Creating an implicit threat of bodily harm by not letting you pass is surely a greater infraction than potential damage to one’s car.

Miss Manners suggests that you point that out, thus switching the blame. “If you would like to get the police involved to reinforce that the car has not been damaged, that is your right. But I am afraid that if you continue to harass me by not letting me by, I will certainly have to involve them.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve been dating a man for several months. He picks his nose quite a lot, doesn’t use a tissue or wash his hands immediately. I’m grossed out, but don’t know how to bring it up. Once I pushed a tissue in his direction and he swatted it away -- a bit defensively.

I feel petty for breaking up with him over it. How do I bring it up in a way that doesn’t embarrass him?

GENTLE READER: Squirm. The next time he comes in for an embrace or to hold your hand, good-naturedly pull away saying, “I will be much more amenable once I know that finger is clean.” If there is otherwise true affection in this relationship, Miss Manners feels certain that he will mend his ways.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)