DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I went to a restaurant with another couple, they ordered an appetizer of Parmesan fries in addition to their entrees. My husband and I just ordered entrees.

The waitress placed the appetizer in the center of the table, and our friends told us to help ourselves. My husband and I only ate about two fries each, since it was not our appetizer.

When the check came, we noticed that the waitress split the price of the appetizer between the two checks. We didn’t say anything and just paid our half without protest. After all, it wasn’t as if paying for half an appetizer was going to set us back.

I honestly don’t think our friends even realized that we were charged for half of their appetizer. While this isn’t something to be petty about, I hope that this is not a common practice, as I really don’t want to pay for other people’s food. Was the restaurant correct for assuming that the cost should be split, and what should we do if it happens again?

GENTLE READER: Given how strong feelings run on the subject of bill splitting, Miss Manners advises waitresses and waiters, since they are barred from hiding under the table, to request specific instructions from the diners. If they do not, you could turn to the other couple and ask, “How would you like to split this?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a wedding of a friend who lied to me about having a bridal party.

When she moved to a different state, she started referring to me as her “best friend back home.” Before she left, I threw a going-away party with a guest list she chose. She asked me not to post the pictures on social media because she didn’t want to offend another “friend.” Why didn’t she just include that friend on the party list, I asked? I talked to her about it, and she apologized and “allowed” me to post my pictures, but I felt like the secret friend.

When she told me she wasn’t having a wedding party, it just gave me a bad feeling. I had a huge medical bill right before the wedding and decided I wouldn’t go. She wanted me there, so she paid for my flight.

The “non”-wedding party members were color-coordinated, did all the bridal duties, sat in the front row AND treated me like trash. One of them slammed the door on me and another snapped at me for coming to check on my friend in the bridal suite. It’s like they saw me as the reason that they didn’t get official titles. Despite her gesture to fly me in, I felt horrible and went home with hurt feelings.

I was treated badly and lied to, but I feel ridiculous bringing it up because she paid for my flight. I wish I’d never gone. Would you keep a friend like this?

GENTLE READER: No.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My supervisor came into our office today and began describing to my co-worker, who is also a friend of hers, her intimate encounter with her husband the night before, including frequency, locations and method.

Now, I am a senior lady, married for many decades and hardly a prude. But I was very dismayed by their conversation, and it is not the first time this has happened. I was a captive audience, as it is not possible for me to leave my office.

I need the job and have no desire to irritate anyone by making disparaging remarks.

What can I say or do to extricate myself from having to listen to these conversations and, by my silence, perhaps inadvertently signal my approval of them?

GENTLE READER: It is time to remind the participants that these days, such stories can be misunderstood and result in everyone’s being called into Human Resources for harassment training -- or worse.

Miss Manners intends you to say that the misunderstanding will be someone else’s, while implying that the someone else might be too nearby to proceed with safety.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a dinner party with a friend who claims to be a strict vegetarian. The host served some pre-dinner snacks, and my friend began to eat lots and lots of Parmesan cheese.

I know that this food contains veal rennet, but was unsure if my friend was aware of this. Since she had already started eating the food, I didn’t want to embarrass her in front of everyone else, or make her feel sick by telling her on the drive home. I still feel a twinge of guilt about not sharing my information.

Is it rude to call someone out for breaking their eating practice, or should I mind my own business and leave it to them to know their facts?

GENTLE READER: The term “strict vegetarian” only became necessary when it was discovered that no two people could agree on the definition of “vegetarian.” And Miss Manners suspects that the more restrictive term is also subject to creative interpretation. She therefore considers it a blessing that it is impolite to comment on what someone else does or does not eat -- much less on what has already been eaten.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We had a police officer refer to a crime victim in her late 50s as “elderly.” I don’t think it is an adjective that ever needs to be used; stating only the age should be sufficient. It is a word that doesn’t add any valid information to a newspaper article, and it is based on personal biases. Do you think I am overreacting?

GENTLE READER: Someone would have reacted badly even if the victim had indeed been elderly. The descriptor was, as you say, unnecessary. Miss Manners only hopes that the police officer learns from reactions such as yours to omit the adjective next time, rather than to refer to the next victim as a “youthful octogenarian.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have decorated holiday towels hanging on the racks in my guest bathroom. Having a party with 40 people. Is it correct to offer a carrier of holiday paper towels in addition?

GENTLE READER: Sure, as your guests probably are all fervent believers in the faux taboo against guests using guest towels. Just promise Miss Manners that you do not also subscribe to that ridiculous notion, and will not therefore be upset if some guests actually do use your decorated (whatever that might mean) towels.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am asking your guidance on how to respond when a gift is not what the recipient would prefer.

I love giving gifts, but there is one young couple in my husband’s family for whom I just can’t get it right. I now offer them a nice gift card or the equivalent amount of money, but they always respond with a gift request that I can’t afford.

When I say that I would love to give their requested gift but I legitimately can’t, they always suggest that I can borrow enough to buy it. When I say that perhaps a gift of that size would make a good group gift and I offer the same amount of money, the answer is always “never mind” or “just forget it.”

That leaves me at a loss as to the correct response. The gifts they ask for are always in the few-thousand-dollar range, and my best possible gift offer is only a few hundred dollars, which offends them. I always just end up giving them the amount of money I originally offered, but they aren’t happy about that.

Do you have any suggestions as to what my best behavior should be when I want to give a nice gift but I can’t meet the standards of the recipients?

GENTLE READER: Those are not standards; they are demands, bordering on emotional and financial blackmail.

Miss Manners has long been trying, without success, to explain to people that they are not in charge of ordering their own presents. Gift registries and other commercial interests prey on their greed to persuade them otherwise.

That this couple responds to your offerings with displeasure instead of gratitude ought to be enough to make you stop offending them. Your best behavior would be to wish them a happy Christmas with no mention of the possibility of your doing their shopping.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine is visiting my city for a short while, and I offered to host them. They said they would pay me, and I strongly assured them that hosting them is pleasure enough.

However, they subsequently sent me some money. Is it now more insulting to try to return it, or to keep my mouth shut and pocket the change?

GENTLE READER: It is insulting to treat a host like an innkeeper, especially after expressly being told not to do so.

Yes, yes, Miss Manners realizes that we live in crass times, when being insulted with money is incomprehensible, and therefore your friend did not mean to pay you off and be done with the obligation.

Nevertheless, she would return the money with a note stating merely that you were pleased to offer your hospitality.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)