DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have decorated holiday towels hanging on the racks in my guest bathroom. Having a party with 40 people. Is it correct to offer a carrier of holiday paper towels in addition?

GENTLE READER: Sure, as your guests probably are all fervent believers in the faux taboo against guests using guest towels. Just promise Miss Manners that you do not also subscribe to that ridiculous notion, and will not therefore be upset if some guests actually do use your decorated (whatever that might mean) towels.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am asking your guidance on how to respond when a gift is not what the recipient would prefer.

I love giving gifts, but there is one young couple in my husband’s family for whom I just can’t get it right. I now offer them a nice gift card or the equivalent amount of money, but they always respond with a gift request that I can’t afford.

When I say that I would love to give their requested gift but I legitimately can’t, they always suggest that I can borrow enough to buy it. When I say that perhaps a gift of that size would make a good group gift and I offer the same amount of money, the answer is always “never mind” or “just forget it.”

That leaves me at a loss as to the correct response. The gifts they ask for are always in the few-thousand-dollar range, and my best possible gift offer is only a few hundred dollars, which offends them. I always just end up giving them the amount of money I originally offered, but they aren’t happy about that.

Do you have any suggestions as to what my best behavior should be when I want to give a nice gift but I can’t meet the standards of the recipients?

GENTLE READER: Those are not standards; they are demands, bordering on emotional and financial blackmail.

Miss Manners has long been trying, without success, to explain to people that they are not in charge of ordering their own presents. Gift registries and other commercial interests prey on their greed to persuade them otherwise.

That this couple responds to your offerings with displeasure instead of gratitude ought to be enough to make you stop offending them. Your best behavior would be to wish them a happy Christmas with no mention of the possibility of your doing their shopping.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine is visiting my city for a short while, and I offered to host them. They said they would pay me, and I strongly assured them that hosting them is pleasure enough.

However, they subsequently sent me some money. Is it now more insulting to try to return it, or to keep my mouth shut and pocket the change?

GENTLE READER: It is insulting to treat a host like an innkeeper, especially after expressly being told not to do so.

Yes, yes, Miss Manners realizes that we live in crass times, when being insulted with money is incomprehensible, and therefore your friend did not mean to pay you off and be done with the obligation.

Nevertheless, she would return the money with a note stating merely that you were pleased to offer your hospitality.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Earlier this year, my wife and I rejoiced in the news that, after 10 years of trying, we could expect our first child. It was only then that I began to realize how much we disagreed on matters of personal privacy.

It began when my wife sent out the ultrasound photograph in a mass email to all our friends, announcing her pregnancy. I realize many do that nowadays, but I was taken back -- she didn’t even think to ask me how I felt about this.

Now, her mother has shown us a Christmas card that she designed and printed up, featuring this same image, which she’ll send to over 100 people. (There is also the matter of the card’s text, which announces a “miracle birth at Christmas.”)

I asked my mother-in-law to destroy the card. She refuses. My wife will not even discuss this with me.

For the first time in 20 years, I am seriously considering divorce -- not so much over one card, but over this gulf that has opened between my wife and myself. If we can’t see eye-to-eye over this, what happens after our child is born and we need to make more major decisions?

Miss Manners, what would you have us do?

GENTLE READER: Whatever it takes to resolve this -- and not only the privacy issue, important as it is in regard to the eventual safety of your child, if his or her life will continue to be posted. How you will handle child-rearing is in question.

The idea of ending a 20-year marriage upon the birth of a child horrifies Miss Manners. But what about those 20 years? Is this really the first time that your wife has refused to consider your deep concerns?

Privacy is a peculiar issue these days. Citizens are railing against invasions from government and industry, but at the same time, daily surrendering their own privacy, voluntarily as well as involuntarily.

There is little understanding that privacy is valuable for its own sake, even if there are no legal or financial consequences. Even if dignity is not valued, Miss Manners would think that the internet has exhibited enough evil consequences to displaying one’s life to show the folly of opening this to everyone’s evaluation and criticism.

But if your wife does not understand that, she may think that the disagreement between you is as simple as whether this publicity is ordinary sharing or showing off. She could argue that births have always been publicly announced, and this is merely the modern method of doing so. You, in turn, should point out the dangers, as well as your antipathy to this.

Miss Manners urges you to have this conversation. Now.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I notice that a former ambassador to the United Nations is referred to by government spokespersons as “the ambassador,” and uses a form of that title in his Twitter handle.

Is this correct? I thought only presidents, vice presidents and senators retained their titles after leaving a post.

GENTLE READER: Actually, it is correct, as it is for senators, military officers and some others. It is unique titles, such as “president” and “vice president,” which are supposed to be abandoned upon leaving office -- a rule that Miss Manners notices being constantly violated by themselves and others.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am blessed with a lovely, medium-sized vacation home, and welcome guests throughout the year. Increasingly, relatives will mention that they will be joining us over Christmas, but don’t want to let me know their date and time of arrival or departure. They like to “leave things flexible.” A few have even called a day or two before Christmas to let me know they are on their way.

This year, I would like to insist on a time frame for their visits. Is it unreasonable to inform visitors that they need to let me know well in advance the exact dates of their Christmas visits?

GENTLE READER: As the owner of the home, you get to schedule its use. It is not acceptable for guests to show up with little or no notice.

However, your passive past behavior has indicated that it was -- and telling your guests otherwise now might be tricky. Miss Manners suggests that you make a list. Begin by pinning down your favorite or most expected relatives and work your way down from there. That way, as you start to get booked, you can honestly say, “I am afraid the house is full for the holidays, but we hope that you will let us know soon if you would like to come for strawberry season.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At midafternoon, my friend invited six people by text message to her home at 7 p.m. to play games. One of the invited replied to the group that she wanted to see a movie instead, and in a separate message, invited three of the six, plus others, to meet her for the movie.

I feel it was rude for her to double-invite the three people, as it was attempting to steal a party. I privately texted her saying that three of the persons she invited were on the other invitation. She got my implication and told me that she had decent social skills, and that double invitations happen all the time.

What could I say to the movie-lover?

GENTLE READER: “No, thank you. I already have plans. As, I thought, did you.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am single and my immediate family lives at the opposite end of the continent; thus, I sometimes spend holidays by myself.

A week before Thanksgiving, an elderly couple at church invited me to their feast. I politely declined, inwardly recoiling at the nightmarish vision of spending an evening captive to their prying questions about my salary, marital status, etc. I then felt that I had to decline all subsequent invitations, because if the couple found out (and they would), I would hear no end of their haranguing about being snubbed.

As Christmas and New Year’s are approaching, this scenario has the potential for repeating itself. Is it possible to spend time with friends whose company I do enjoy without incurring the wrath of the umbrageous?

GENTLE READER: Just make your plans early, even if those plans are to wait and see who else might invite you. As long as you decline with warm thanks, specific excuses are neither wise nor necessary.

If those plans fall through, Miss Manners promises not to tattle -- as along as you promise not to be hurt if you end up spending the holidays alone.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)