DEAR MISS MANNERS: Earlier this year, my wife and I rejoiced in the news that, after 10 years of trying, we could expect our first child. It was only then that I began to realize how much we disagreed on matters of personal privacy.

It began when my wife sent out the ultrasound photograph in a mass email to all our friends, announcing her pregnancy. I realize many do that nowadays, but I was taken back -- she didn’t even think to ask me how I felt about this.

Now, her mother has shown us a Christmas card that she designed and printed up, featuring this same image, which she’ll send to over 100 people. (There is also the matter of the card’s text, which announces a “miracle birth at Christmas.”)

I asked my mother-in-law to destroy the card. She refuses. My wife will not even discuss this with me.

For the first time in 20 years, I am seriously considering divorce -- not so much over one card, but over this gulf that has opened between my wife and myself. If we can’t see eye-to-eye over this, what happens after our child is born and we need to make more major decisions?

Miss Manners, what would you have us do?

GENTLE READER: Whatever it takes to resolve this -- and not only the privacy issue, important as it is in regard to the eventual safety of your child, if his or her life will continue to be posted. How you will handle child-rearing is in question.

The idea of ending a 20-year marriage upon the birth of a child horrifies Miss Manners. But what about those 20 years? Is this really the first time that your wife has refused to consider your deep concerns?

Privacy is a peculiar issue these days. Citizens are railing against invasions from government and industry, but at the same time, daily surrendering their own privacy, voluntarily as well as involuntarily.

There is little understanding that privacy is valuable for its own sake, even if there are no legal or financial consequences. Even if dignity is not valued, Miss Manners would think that the internet has exhibited enough evil consequences to displaying one’s life to show the folly of opening this to everyone’s evaluation and criticism.

But if your wife does not understand that, she may think that the disagreement between you is as simple as whether this publicity is ordinary sharing or showing off. She could argue that births have always been publicly announced, and this is merely the modern method of doing so. You, in turn, should point out the dangers, as well as your antipathy to this.

Miss Manners urges you to have this conversation. Now.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I notice that a former ambassador to the United Nations is referred to by government spokespersons as “the ambassador,” and uses a form of that title in his Twitter handle.

Is this correct? I thought only presidents, vice presidents and senators retained their titles after leaving a post.

GENTLE READER: Actually, it is correct, as it is for senators, military officers and some others. It is unique titles, such as “president” and “vice president,” which are supposed to be abandoned upon leaving office -- a rule that Miss Manners notices being constantly violated by themselves and others.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am blessed with a lovely, medium-sized vacation home, and welcome guests throughout the year. Increasingly, relatives will mention that they will be joining us over Christmas, but don’t want to let me know their date and time of arrival or departure. They like to “leave things flexible.” A few have even called a day or two before Christmas to let me know they are on their way.

This year, I would like to insist on a time frame for their visits. Is it unreasonable to inform visitors that they need to let me know well in advance the exact dates of their Christmas visits?

GENTLE READER: As the owner of the home, you get to schedule its use. It is not acceptable for guests to show up with little or no notice.

However, your passive past behavior has indicated that it was -- and telling your guests otherwise now might be tricky. Miss Manners suggests that you make a list. Begin by pinning down your favorite or most expected relatives and work your way down from there. That way, as you start to get booked, you can honestly say, “I am afraid the house is full for the holidays, but we hope that you will let us know soon if you would like to come for strawberry season.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At midafternoon, my friend invited six people by text message to her home at 7 p.m. to play games. One of the invited replied to the group that she wanted to see a movie instead, and in a separate message, invited three of the six, plus others, to meet her for the movie.

I feel it was rude for her to double-invite the three people, as it was attempting to steal a party. I privately texted her saying that three of the persons she invited were on the other invitation. She got my implication and told me that she had decent social skills, and that double invitations happen all the time.

What could I say to the movie-lover?

GENTLE READER: “No, thank you. I already have plans. As, I thought, did you.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am single and my immediate family lives at the opposite end of the continent; thus, I sometimes spend holidays by myself.

A week before Thanksgiving, an elderly couple at church invited me to their feast. I politely declined, inwardly recoiling at the nightmarish vision of spending an evening captive to their prying questions about my salary, marital status, etc. I then felt that I had to decline all subsequent invitations, because if the couple found out (and they would), I would hear no end of their haranguing about being snubbed.

As Christmas and New Year’s are approaching, this scenario has the potential for repeating itself. Is it possible to spend time with friends whose company I do enjoy without incurring the wrath of the umbrageous?

GENTLE READER: Just make your plans early, even if those plans are to wait and see who else might invite you. As long as you decline with warm thanks, specific excuses are neither wise nor necessary.

If those plans fall through, Miss Manners promises not to tattle -- as along as you promise not to be hurt if you end up spending the holidays alone.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I come from a large, close family that celebrates many occasions together. For many years, our primary host was my Aunt Maureen, who, after moving to a smaller home, would host us all at one of her favorite restaurants, her treat. I asked several times to take a turn paying, but she refused; instead, I would send her flowers as a thank-you, which she always enjoyed.

Aunt Maureen passed away earlier this year. Shortly after her death, I hosted a meal at one of her favorite spots, and, of course, paid. However, I’ve since decided that if I’m the one hosting, I’d rather have family gatherings in my home. My husband and I both enjoy cooking, and our house is set up well for the small children in the family, with a large fenced-in yard and a playroom off the kitchen.

In addition, my father has health problems that make him more comfortable spending long periods of time in my home versus a public place like a restaurant.

However, my cousin, Maureen’s daughter, has said several times that she would prefer going out again and that she missed the restaurant meals. My cousin is a single mother of three with a limited income, so she is not offering to host.

I need a polite way to say, “I don’t want to go out to dinner if I’m going to have to pay for everyone,” especially since these gatherings can be 15 people or more. An added issue is that it’s not really the money -- I could afford the meal, and my cousin knows this. I just prefer to host the group in my house.

GENTLE READER: “I loved both of Aunt Maureen’s traditions, but we would like to revert to her first one by having everyone at our house, which seems to work well for most of the family. Perhaps on occasion, we can order food from one of her favorite restaurants.”

Any reasonable person can see the compromise in this situation -- and, Miss Manners adds, would not be so bold to push it when she knows it is not in her power or means to change it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My in-laws tend to be extremely generous around the holidays. They love to spoil their grandchildren with numerous extravagant gifts.

This year will be my son’s first Christmas, and I’m worried he will receive the infamous “Christmas loot” we’ve seen given to the other grandchildren in previous years. My husband and I agree that the gift-giving from his parents is over the top, and don’t want our son spoiled with presents. We’d much rather they spoil him with love and attention.

I feel we should have a conversation with his parents about their holiday shopping, but I don’t want to sound ungrateful for their generosity or judgmental about how the other grandchildren are treated. How do we stand our ground without offending anyone?

GENTLE READER: Fortunately or unfortunately, it is not only the grandparents’ prerogative to spoil their grandchildren, but it is not for you to determine the means.

However, Miss Manners will allow gentle guidance in general conversation: “Jasper already has so much, and the only thing he really wants to play with is my phone, if he can grab it. But he loves your attention.”

This is infinitely preferable to, “We would rather you not try to buy Jasper’s love with a mini Jeep.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)