DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am about to start skipping family holiday parties. Let me explain.

My son was diagnosed with schizophrenia two years ago. During the last sixth months, with treatment, he has begun to return to the brilliant, creative young man that he was before. As you might imagine, the past two years have been the hardest of my life.

My family has not been a source of support during this trial, mostly just standing on the sidelines and watching. I was not surprised by this, as it has been like this my whole life. I wish to stop attending family gatherings as I feel they will be detrimental to my son’s recovery in the following ways.

1. A lot of alcohol will be served, and we have learned that alcohol is very problematic for my son. I do not think that he will have the self-control not to drink when almost everyone there does.

2. My mother has a tendency to speak without thinking about context. (She once asked me in a crowded theater, “Are you still having that hemorrhaging problem?”) The last time she saw my son, she said to him, “You are fat!” This is concerning, as he was severely underweight prior to treatment (the voices were telling him not to eat), weight gain is a side effect of his medications, and he is ambivalent about taking them.

I have little hope of my family reforming their behavior. I explained to my mother why the fat comment was so destructive, and she replied that those sorts of comments “just come out.” She is unlikely to change.

I do plan to get together individually with family members who have healthy relationships with me and my son, but we will not attend the big gatherings. You have said that it is necessary only to decline invitations, not to give the reasons why. Do I owe my family an explanation for declining their invitations?

GENTLE READER: Remember that Miss Manners’ stock answer when declining unwanted invitations -- ”Thank you so much, but I just can’t” -- must be provided one invitation at a time. The only way to avoid all future invitations from a specific host is to repeat the process until she gets tired of asking.

That she is also likely to be offended by then is less important when the intention is to dispose of the relationship. This is likely not the outcome you want.

There is, however, an easy solution. Since your family is aware of -- but apparently indifferent to, and therefore uninformed about -- the details of your son’s condition, a useful alternative is, “Thank you so much, but Noah isn’t up to large gatherings yet. When he will be, we will just have to see.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable for the bride to invite the father of her children and their stepmother to her wedding? The divorce was 20 years ago, and everyone gets along well at family events.

GENTLE READER: Although her answer would have been “yes” even if the relatives did not get along, Miss Manners is pleased to find herself in such agreeable company.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been given a lovely cut-glass butter dish. It is the type that holds one stick of real butter. It is an elegant piece, and I would like to use it every day, but I am somewhat at a loss of how to use it properly. I buy my butter in wrapped sticks, so should I unwrap the butter before putting it on the butter dish? Should I leave the butter wrapped, but the wrap loosened? What is proper?

GENTLE READER: Although proper etiquette has no objection to practicality or efficiency, they are not, as Miss Manners often has to point out, etiquette’s primary concern. It is, however, pleasant when they find themselves all rowing in the same general direction.

Etiquette removes the wrapper prior to putting the butter in your dish because it is more formal. Efficiency points out that this is easier on the guests. And practicality observes that guests who have to juggle both cut-glass dishes and wrappers, which tend to stick to the butter, are more likely to have an accident, shortening the life of the wrapper, the butter and the cut-glass dish.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to stare at someone to read what his or her shirt says?

GENTLE READER: It is -- more so for a her -- which will frustrate the pedants who then ask why one would write something that cannot be read. Miss Manners answers that there is a difference between reading and staring, a point that is obvious to anyone who has been on the receiving end of the latter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Months ago, my brother and his wife invited us to attend a comedy show, and dinner beforehand, in the town where they live (about two hours away). They suggested we ask my parents to babysit for our children, which we often do, and my parents were happy to do so.

Unfortunately, something has come up and my parents can no longer babysit. My brother does not have kids, so we asked him if any of his local friends with kids could recommend a sitter.

He said he’d put a post on social media asking people in his town for recommendations. I asked him not to do this, as we weren’t comfortable having a complete stranger alone with our kids. Since at this point we are likely going to be asking friends to watch the kids, we are probably going to have to skip dinner.

My mother has told me that they complained to her about our not wanting to see what came from their social media post. Is it rude to back out of our plans, or part of them, because our babysitting plans fell through and we haven’t been able to get new ones we are comfortable with?

GENTLE READER: Lack of adequate babysitting is a legitimate reason for canceling plans, so long as it does not become habitual and a genuine effort was made to find a replacement sitter -- greater effort being required for more formal events.

Miss Manners realizes this will be disappointing to your brother and his wife. She would have consoled them by giving them leave to think that your parental concern is overly fussy -- if only they had kept those thoughts to themselves.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would appreciate some direction about what an appropriate response would be for someone who congratulates me when they hear that my daughter got married.

Unfortunately, I find this comment very annoying, even though I know that it is meant to be positive. I suspect that my interpretation of the comment is based on the following:

1. A rather contentious divorce after 28 years of marriage;

2. I’m really not sure exactly how much involvement I had in my daughter’s ability to get married;

3. In my current situation, not being married, being congratulated on a marriage is not such a good thing.

Perhaps after some time, when I’ve had a chance to decompress and the acknowledgments decrease, this whole thing will subside.

GENTLE READER: Yes -- stop, take a deep breath and decompress. Please.

You seem to believe there should be trigger warnings before well-intentioned people utter simple pleasantries. Remarking “Nice weather we’re having” might set hearers brooding about how that brings on their allergies.

So should the well-intentioned person who thought you might enjoy your daughter’s happiness instead keep in mind that you are only focused on your own divorced state?

Miss Manners should not need to tell you that this was not about you. Nor that the world is rude enough without you nursing insults where none were intended.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A married couple who I consider friends of mine, and who live in Europe, were the unfortunate victims of a pickpocket on a train. They were heading out to a vacation in a nearby country and lost cash, credit cards, identification, etc. This event forced them to cancel the trip. Apparently some of their reservations were nonrefundable, so now they are out of a tidy sum of money.

The only reason that I am aware of this whole situation is because they posted about it on social media and then set up an online fundraising page seeking donations to recoup their losses.

This couple travels and dines out frequently, and regularly shares all of their adventures on social media. Needless to say, I do not feel compelled to donate, as I feel that this fundraising appeal is a tacky money grab, and I would rather give to an entity that I feel is sincerely deserving or in genuine need.

Past experience tells me that these friends are likely to write and inquire if a donation will be forthcoming. What is the best way to respond? I don’t want to be callous or dismissive of their loss, but I cannot in good conscience provide a donation under such circumstances.

GENTLE READER: Your obligation is to commiserate with your friends, not to insure them. So your response should say how sorry you are for their loss, ignoring any pleas for money.

Should they pursue this, Miss Manners recommends that you react as you would at the approach of anyone else intent on picking your pocket -- by keeping your hand over your wallet.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)