DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the etiquette around accepting parcels for neighbors? Should the original recipient come to pick it up, or is the onus on the person who accepted the delivery to then drop it off at its intended destination when the recipient appears to be home?

Due to my working hours, I am often home during the day and happy to accept deliveries for others. However, these often end up sitting in my hallway for days. Most notably, a neighbor’s flat-pack furniture boxes were partially blocking my door for over a week, until I managed to catch the neighbors outside and politely request they come get their stuff.

Sometimes I’ll pop over and drop deliveries off later (if I can carry them), but shouldn’t the recipients be making the effort to reclaim their property (assuming they received delivery information)?

GENTLE READER: It still counts as a good deed if you set the terms. A good neighbor need not be confined to her own house in the space left by other people’s purchases.

One problem may be a common attitude by commuters toward people who are at home: that they are always there, with nothing much to do. To squelch that, Miss Manners suggests that you require everyone to give you good estimates of when their packages are expected, so you can say whether you will be there, and also to say when they will pick up the item. This can be phrased in a cheerful, considerate way, because you wouldn’t want to miss the delivery, or for them not to be able to retrieve their packages when you are away.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have read that forks should be placed in the order in which they will be used, which presumably means that if salad is to be served after the main course, the salad fork should be to the right of the dinner fork.

However, I have never seen a table set this way, and it looks odd and unbalanced to me. I will be hosting a formal dinner soon where this is an issue, and I would like to get it right. Can you help me?

GENTLE READER: What strikes Miss Manners as odd is that correctness, in matters big and small, is now rare enough to seem odd.

You are quite right that flatware should be positioned, outside to inside, in order of use. This gives the lie to that canard about which fork to use being a snobbish etiquette test.

Restaurants usually serve salads before the main meal, in which case the salad fork should be on the outside. But in formal service, the salad comes afterwards, and its fork is positioned accordingly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do “black tie optional” and “black tie invited” mean?

GENTLE READER: That the hosts are giving a black tie party, but understandably do not want to hear silly complaints about that being uncomfortable (usually from those who only want to declare what regular fellows they are), nor to exclude people who cannot manage that for one reason or another.

If you have received such waffling instructions on an invitation, Miss Manners hopes you will make the effort to observe the real dress code.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son, who is almost 3, started preschool a few weeks ago, and his teacher consistently mispronounces his name. The name is uncommon in this country, so we knew it would sometimes be mispronounced, but it reflects his father’s heritage, which was important to his father as a recent immigrant.

We worked hard to pick a name that was easy for native English speakers to pronounce, and we even made sure to spell it phonetically so our son wouldn’t have to correct people as often (unlike my husband, whose name is constantly butchered). I told the teacher early on that it was actually pronounced a bit differently than she’d said it, and acknowledged that it’s a name most people haven’t heard before, so we try to clarify how to say it.

Since then, the teacher has continued to mispronounce it. She hears me say his name every day, and she writes it on his artwork each day, so I know that she has seen its (phonetic) spelling. It is only two syllables, and there are only five other children in the preschool class.

Is there a polite way to correct her mispronunciation again? If so, is there a limit to the number of times I can correct her without being rude? Or should I just accept that she’s someone who isn’t good at remembering such things?

My son is little and still getting used to the idea of being away from home, so I imagine it can only help him feel more comfortable if his teacher calls him by the right name. I feel a bit rude correcting the teacher again and again, though.

GENTLE READER: Teach your son to do it. With a long life of correcting people ahead of him, why not start him off learning how to do it effectively now? Miss Manners finds mnemonics particularly fun and memorable: “It’s actually pronounced ‘Placate.’ ‘Play’ as in fun and ‘Kate’ as in Middleton.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Earlier this year, we found out that one of my husband’s places of employment will be shutting down, and he started on the unpleasant task of job-hunting. Happily, he heard back from most of the applications that he submitted, and he even had to turn down a few offers to avoid being overbooked.

One of the interviewers let slip that my husband had been shortlisted largely because of the glowing recommendation given to him by his soon-to-be-former boss. We are both extremely grateful to this person and agree that a nice note of thanks is in order.

Where we disagree is that I believe that a small gift would be a nice gesture, while my husband thinks it is unnecessary. What is the etiquette of thank-you gifts in professional settings? Are there specific types of gifts that we should steer away from?

GENTLE READER: Yes: ones that might be misconstrued as bribes.

In a professional setting, a favorable recommendation for a job well done -- while certainly appreciated -- should not be recompensed with a present. Lest, Miss Manners cautions, your prospective employers get wind of it and think that it came at a cost.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a tall, heavy person, I know that modern economy airline seats are tight and that the couple inches lost to a reclining seat can feel massive. But I have never thrown a fit like the woman behind me on an international flight (10 hours, with time change, overnight).

The moment I leaned back, she screamed about losing all her space and tapped my arm, asking me to sit up. I apologized (which I now regret, because I wasn’t really sorry) and said that I wished to sleep. She insisted that I sit up, and when I pointed out that the man in front of me had laid back to sleep as well, she said, “And that’s my problem?” To which I really wanted to say “yes,” but held my tongue, saying instead, “That is how the airlines designed the plane.”

I went back to trying to sleep, only to have her discreetly kick/hit the back of my seat for the next two hours! I was so upset I didn’t know what to say. I thought it was my right to lean my seat back. And when I gave up trying to sleep, I sat up (unlike the man in front of me). Did I act correctly? Was there something else I should have done?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Told on her.

Your assertion about how planes are built is correct, and it leaves the discomfort to be dealt with by passengers trying, against all odds, to stay out of one another’s way. But kicking and screaming is not the way to deal with this.

You should throw the problem back on the airlines by asking its representative, the hapless flight attendant who is not at fault, to mitigate the unpleasant situation: “Excuse me, but I am afraid that using the recline function is causing this woman discomfort. Is there anything to be done?”

Miss Manners fears that what is most likely to be done -- moving the complainer to a space with more room, or at least a different person to complain to -- is rewarding bad behavior. But at least it would no longer be your problem -- and you could get some much-needed sleep.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: So I work the third shift at a tech company. I found out through a brief conversation that the secretary at my company has a shared interest with me. I was wondering if it would be weird or socially unacceptable to give her a gift for Christmas related to our shared interest.

The gift is maybe $20, but because of our work schedules, I only talk with her for a few minutes every once in a while when I stay late. I suffer from social anxiety (part of the reason I enjoy working nights), so I realize I could be worrying over nothing, but I just wanted to know for sure.

GENTLE READER: There is nothing wrong with giving a small present to a co-worker -- as long as there is no chance of it being misinterpreted as an unwanted overture. Miss Manners therefore hopes that your shared interest is not in bath products -- or riding crops.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)