DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the “olde days,” I would receive emails in which I was addressed as “Dear Dr. X,” which indicated a level of formality, and the use of “Dear” did not denote any romantic implications. I also used the “Dear” salutation in my emails to other people. (I’m a college professor, by the way.)

Lately, however, I’m receiving emails addressed as “Hi, (First Name),” which, though it eliminates any romantic implications from the use of the word “dear,” strikes me as inappropriately casual for a business setting.

Is this now the proper, accepted salutation that people use in business emails? Should I be using “Hi, Miss Manners” or “Dear Miss Manners” in the salutations of my business emails and printed letters?

GENTLE READER: Let us remain on dear terms, please. It is true that those who believe in universal informality and can’t stop messing with conventions now use “Hi” as a salutation, even professionally. Miss Manners does not consider that a reason for more dignified people to succumb.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A distant cousin invited my entire branch of the family to his wedding, except for me. I assume this to be an innocent mistake, because we don’t have enough of a relationship for him to have a grudge against me. Since I wouldn’t have been able to travel to the wedding destination on the weekend in question, I didn’t see any reason to try to correct the mistake.

At the wedding, my grandmother figured out that I hadn’t been invited and made a snarky comment to the mother of the groom. A few days later, my cousin and his mother angrily asked me why I didn’t tell them about the missing invitation, insisting that they had intended to invite me all along.

I was taken aback by this confrontation and apologized immediately, but the apology leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Did I owe them an apology? If not, how could I have responded gracefully?

GENTLE READER: Your cousin’s behavior does not pass Miss Manners’ sniff test.

It is ridiculous to expect the supposed recipient to report the absence of an unheralded invitation. Rather than apologizing, you might reasonably have asked how you were supposed to know it had been sent.

But the bigger giveaway is their response. People whose mail goes astray may get angry at the postal service, but not at the would-be recipient. And they turn apologetic, rather than demanding apologies.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in the South, where it is apparently acceptable behavior to ask someone on even the slightest acquaintance what church they attend.

Miss Manners, I do not attend church in the traditional sense. I follow an Earth-based spiritual path that, in centuries previous, led to followers being hanged, burned at the stake and drowned.

I do not wish to impart this information to those asking me the above question. I have not been able to formulate an acceptable answer. What would Miss Manners suggest?

GENTLE READER: Well, that description does sound like an effective conversation-stopper, but Miss Manners agrees that it is just as well not to use it. That phrase about “not in the traditional sense” is a lot better, but it would be good to turn the question around and allow the questioner to extol the virtues of his or her church.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On my commute this morning, I ran into a co-worker on public transit. She is perhaps 25 years older than I am. She said that she didn’t realize I lived near her, and I clarified that I don’t, but that I was coming from my boyfriend’s home in the neighborhood.

My co-worker seemed very taken aback, as if I had revealed something scandalous, and said, “You shouldn’t tell people that!” I was wrong-footed.

Is it true that etiquette dictates I should not allude to sleeping at my boyfriend’s home? It feels rather Victorian to avoid even the mention of a premarital sleepover; I certainly didn’t mention any private details!

My co-worker’s attitude seems out of step with the norms of the day, but I am now nervous that I have been ignorant and embarrassing myself. If Miss Manners corrects me, I will certainly abide by her wisdom in the future and maintain the polite fiction that I was simply having an overnight visit with a friend in the neighborhood.

GENTLE READER: Your co-worker’s attitude was more Victorian than you realize.

The popular notion that Victorians did not widely practice sex would open the question of how we got here. But they also practiced something else: discretion. They had the sense to realize that life is easier when activities are kept secret -- not only from spouses and other interested parties, but from society in general, so as not to violate its expectations.

It is true that social expectations change. With the apparent exception of your co-worker, no one is actually shocked by nonmarital overnight visits. People may disapprove, which makes it sensible to refrain from flaunting it, but Miss Manners imagines that a mere mention of where you were would not provoke alarm.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who often invites herself to my home for various events (Thanksgiving, sporting events on TV, etc). She always adds the phrase, “Oh, look at me inviting myself!”

I am quite uncomfortable with this, and usually just change the subject or murmur, “I’ll let you know.”

Can you kindly tell me what the best response is to someone who invites herself when I’m not interested in hosting her?

GENTLE READER: As your friend is issuing invitations, you may treat them as such, reversing the usual host-guest dialogue. So what Miss Manners suggests you say is, “Oh, I’m so sorry, but I have to decline. Another time, perhaps.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I never, ever return gifts to the sender. I always thank them and keep them. However, I have a gift I received 15 years ago (a doll). Never liked it, but I know the giver did.

I am cleaning house. Can I offer it back, with the plausible excuse of knowing the giver loved it? Do I get a pass if I am 80 years old? Is there ever a good excuse to return a gift?

GENTLE READER: You get a pass for being 80, but not if you refer to getting rid of their offerings as “cleaning house.” You call it “downsizing,” and wanting to make sure that the doll will be in good, loving hands.

Yes, it is morbid and treacly, but Miss Manners considers it better than “Here’s your stuff back.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A faddish way of speaking, called vocal fry, has permeated the nation. This grating habit involves purposely making one’s voice sound gravelly.

It is to the point that I bristle when I hear someone talking to me utilizing this annoying style. While I can politely remind family members to please speak clearly, I cannot do the same with sales associates and phone contacts. Is there a polite way to draw this to their attention, or must my ears simply bear it?

GENTLE READER: What did you have in mind? “I hate the way you speak”?

If you must point out the irritant, Miss Manners will allow it only if you express concern for the protection of that person’s voice, not your ears: “Oh, dear, you sound as though you have a cold. Perhaps we can talk more when your voice is fully recovered.”

If the speaker protests at being fine, you may lightly press forward, saying that it does not sound quite right, could be damaging to the vocal cords, and should, perhaps, be checked out.

Miss Manners further recommends that this method be applied for both family members and acquaintances. Because etiquette-wise, there should be no distinction.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My young family rents from an older couple we also know personally. This morning, our landlady texted me to say that she told a local politician that he could put one of his signs up in our front yard!

I think she crossed a line here. I don’t know this politician, or his stance on anything! What should I do about this?

GENTLE READER: Surely no landlady would dream of allowing a tenant to put up a sign for a cause with which she does not agree or fully support. Miss Manners suggests that you politely point this out: “Oh, if we are using the lawn as a means of supporting causes, perhaps you won’t mind if I post some literature about lobster empathy -- or better yet, use the area as a means for their release.” Your landlords may well find that a better place for their signage would be their own window or bumper.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 12-year-old daughter was invited to go on a one-week vacation with her best friend’s family. Am I obligated to reimburse them for costs, or give them a gift?

GENTLE READER: You would do well to figure out the financial logistics in advance and offer to pay your daughter’s share. But if the family demurs, send her with enough cash -- or access to your credit card -- so that she may offer to pay for a family meal out.

Miss Manners feels fairly certain that if this family invited your daughter on their vacation, they were expecting to pay for her food and accommodations. Keeping their own daughter happy and occupied was most likely the (no small) payment they expected in return. Still, a thank-you present afterwards, along with the letter of thanks that must be written by your daughter, would be gracious.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)