DEAR MISS MANNERS: A faddish way of speaking, called vocal fry, has permeated the nation. This grating habit involves purposely making one’s voice sound gravelly.

It is to the point that I bristle when I hear someone talking to me utilizing this annoying style. While I can politely remind family members to please speak clearly, I cannot do the same with sales associates and phone contacts. Is there a polite way to draw this to their attention, or must my ears simply bear it?

GENTLE READER: What did you have in mind? “I hate the way you speak”?

If you must point out the irritant, Miss Manners will allow it only if you express concern for the protection of that person’s voice, not your ears: “Oh, dear, you sound as though you have a cold. Perhaps we can talk more when your voice is fully recovered.”

If the speaker protests at being fine, you may lightly press forward, saying that it does not sound quite right, could be damaging to the vocal cords, and should, perhaps, be checked out.

Miss Manners further recommends that this method be applied for both family members and acquaintances. Because etiquette-wise, there should be no distinction.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My young family rents from an older couple we also know personally. This morning, our landlady texted me to say that she told a local politician that he could put one of his signs up in our front yard!

I think she crossed a line here. I don’t know this politician, or his stance on anything! What should I do about this?

GENTLE READER: Surely no landlady would dream of allowing a tenant to put up a sign for a cause with which she does not agree or fully support. Miss Manners suggests that you politely point this out: “Oh, if we are using the lawn as a means of supporting causes, perhaps you won’t mind if I post some literature about lobster empathy -- or better yet, use the area as a means for their release.” Your landlords may well find that a better place for their signage would be their own window or bumper.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 12-year-old daughter was invited to go on a one-week vacation with her best friend’s family. Am I obligated to reimburse them for costs, or give them a gift?

GENTLE READER: You would do well to figure out the financial logistics in advance and offer to pay your daughter’s share. But if the family demurs, send her with enough cash -- or access to your credit card -- so that she may offer to pay for a family meal out.

Miss Manners feels fairly certain that if this family invited your daughter on their vacation, they were expecting to pay for her food and accommodations. Keeping their own daughter happy and occupied was most likely the (no small) payment they expected in return. Still, a thank-you present afterwards, along with the letter of thanks that must be written by your daughter, would be gracious.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a female graduate student at a theological school, where my daily life involves much reading, studying and writing. I use the library every day.

What is one to do when there are others using the library who obviously have a cold or sinus issues, but who seem completely oblivious of the disturbance -- not to mention disgust -- caused by their constant snorting and snuffling? And why does it seem that primarily men are guilty of this? As I write, there are two men snorting and hawking loudly -- one man in his late 20s and another in his late 50s. Didn’t their mothers teach them to go to the bathroom and blow their noses?

Would it be rude to bring to their attention their disturbance of other library patrons? Or to offer them -- politely -- some tissue?

GENTLE READER: Not if you do so sympathetically.

Miss Manners is relieved to hear that your complaint is about the public nature of the sniffling, not what to do about the handling of the books themselves. Uh-oh. She just made the whole thing worse, didn’t she?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The snow is upon us in my area: yay! It is cold, and I am getting old and graying: yay! One little reward for persevering in life and marriage (33 years) is a small status symbol: fur. (I know there are lovely faux furs available these days. I have had my share of faux luxuries most of my life -- zirconia, vinyl, micro-suede -- and have been truly grateful for all of them.)

So my beloved gifted me a removable fur collar. It’s neutral and perfect for four of my coats, and truly keeps me warmer than I had hoped.

How do I remove it, and my coat, gracefully? The collar has a hook-and-eye closure, but cannot be attached to my leather or wool coats unless I pin it, and I’m not sure how to do that, either.

GENTLE READER: Treat it like a scarf, carefully unhooking it and then stuffing it in the sleeve of your coat so that it does not get separated. If forced to check it, however, Miss Manners would recommend that you instead attach it to your purse or keep it around your neck -- as long as you are confident that it will not appear that you are being escorted or attacked by something still living.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The snow is upon us in my area: yay! It is cold, and I am getting old and graying: yay! One little reward for persevering in life and marriage (33 years) is a small status symbol: fur. (I know there are lovely faux furs available these days. I have had my share of faux luxuries most of my life -- zirconia, vinyl, micro-suede -- and have been truly grateful for all of them.)

So my beloved gifted me a removable fur collar. It’s neutral and perfect for four of my coats, and truly keeps me warmer than I had hoped.

How do I remove it, and my coat, gracefully? The collar has a hook-and-eye closure, but cannot be attached to my leather or wool coats unless I pin it, and I’m not sure how to do that, either.

GENTLE READER: Treat it like a scarf, carefully unhooking it and then stuffing it in the sleeve of your coat so that it does not get separated. If forced to check it, however, Miss Manners would recommend that you instead attach it to your purse or keep it around your neck -- as long as you are confident that it will not appear that you are being escorted or attacked by something still living.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve begun to notice that many stores do not remove the basting stitches on coats or skirts with kick pleats, and I suspect a lot of people might not know the little “X” in back is usually temporary. It is there for ease in pressing, and it will eventually come out.

As a result, I see most of my girlfriends wearing coats and skirts that have the stitches intact and don’t exactly “swing” as they should in back. Is this something I should mention to them? If so, what is an appropriate way?

It’s trivial by comparison to spinach between the teeth or a skirt tucked into nylons, so I haven’t said anything so far. I worry about overstepping my bounds, but I genuinely appreciate it when people tell me I have tags sticking out, etc., so I’m not sure.

GENTLE READER: Leaving home with a tag affixed is embarrassing enough without also taxing a friend with not knowing that the item -- in this case, the stitch -- was meant to be removed. Miss Manners therefore softens the blow by acting as if the stitch and the tag are the same problem: something that can be discreetly mentioned to a friend who may appreciate the warning.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our 21-year-old niece is a delight in every way but one: She does not know how to behave properly when being served in a restaurant. She visited us for the weekend and kindly (and proudly) took us out to dinner at one of the nicest restaurants in town. The place was packed and the waitstaff was under pressure, making efficiency even more critical than normal.

When our server came to take our drink order, our niece was unprepared as she was focusing instead on picking an appetizer. My husband and I ordered our drinks, hoping she would follow our lead. But when the server turned to her, she ordered her appetizer and said she hadn’t yet decided on a drink, and that when he returned with our drinks, she’d let him know what she wanted. This would force him to make yet another trip to the bar. Later, when our table ran out of bread, she abruptly raised her hand as if in a third-grade classroom and waved it around until another server came over to find out what she wanted.

Faux pas number three occurred with the arrival of the check, when she examined it not discreetly, as etiquette demands, but at eye level and arm’s length for what felt like an eternity.

Is it possible (or even advisable) to discuss this with our niece after the fact? How do we broach the subject without embarrassing her, or sounding like a couple of know-it-alls?

GENTLE READER: It is difficult for Miss Manners to provide advice on how to correct behavior that, while enthusiastically naive, was not rude. Your niece’s expectations that she be given time to select her order, that the servers promptly fulfill reasonable requests and that the charges be correct may not have been efficient, but efficiency is not the standard of good manners.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)