DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a female graduate student at a theological school, where my daily life involves much reading, studying and writing. I use the library every day.

What is one to do when there are others using the library who obviously have a cold or sinus issues, but who seem completely oblivious of the disturbance -- not to mention disgust -- caused by their constant snorting and snuffling? And why does it seem that primarily men are guilty of this? As I write, there are two men snorting and hawking loudly -- one man in his late 20s and another in his late 50s. Didn’t their mothers teach them to go to the bathroom and blow their noses?

Would it be rude to bring to their attention their disturbance of other library patrons? Or to offer them -- politely -- some tissue?

GENTLE READER: Not if you do so sympathetically.

Miss Manners is relieved to hear that your complaint is about the public nature of the sniffling, not what to do about the handling of the books themselves. Uh-oh. She just made the whole thing worse, didn’t she?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, I had medical treatments that caused the loss of my hair. My hair has grown back, but the hair above my forehead is now short and wispy.

I recently went to a hair salon for a trim. The hairdresser pulled the short strands of hair, started laughing, and said, “What’s this?” I didn’t think she would ever stop laughing. I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to say.

I don’t think this will happen again, but if it does, what should I say? I don’t want to mention my health problems.

GENTLE READER: “Oh!” -- said with a genuinely stricken look -- “I must be in the wrong place. I came to you thinking that this would be something you were qualified to fix.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The snow is upon us in my area: yay! It is cold, and I am getting old and graying: yay! One little reward for persevering in life and marriage (33 years) is a small status symbol: fur. (I know there are lovely faux furs available these days. I have had my share of faux luxuries most of my life -- zirconia, vinyl, micro-suede -- and have been truly grateful for all of them.)

So my beloved gifted me a removable fur collar. It’s neutral and perfect for four of my coats, and truly keeps me warmer than I had hoped.

How do I remove it, and my coat, gracefully? The collar has a hook-and-eye closure, but cannot be attached to my leather or wool coats unless I pin it, and I’m not sure how to do that, either.

GENTLE READER: Treat it like a scarf, carefully unhooking it and then stuffing it in the sleeve of your coat so that it does not get separated. If forced to check it, however, Miss Manners would recommend that you instead attach it to your purse or keep it around your neck -- as long as you are confident that it will not appear that you are being escorted or attacked by something still living.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve begun to notice that many stores do not remove the basting stitches on coats or skirts with kick pleats, and I suspect a lot of people might not know the little “X” in back is usually temporary. It is there for ease in pressing, and it will eventually come out.

As a result, I see most of my girlfriends wearing coats and skirts that have the stitches intact and don’t exactly “swing” as they should in back. Is this something I should mention to them? If so, what is an appropriate way?

It’s trivial by comparison to spinach between the teeth or a skirt tucked into nylons, so I haven’t said anything so far. I worry about overstepping my bounds, but I genuinely appreciate it when people tell me I have tags sticking out, etc., so I’m not sure.

GENTLE READER: Leaving home with a tag affixed is embarrassing enough without also taxing a friend with not knowing that the item -- in this case, the stitch -- was meant to be removed. Miss Manners therefore softens the blow by acting as if the stitch and the tag are the same problem: something that can be discreetly mentioned to a friend who may appreciate the warning.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our 21-year-old niece is a delight in every way but one: She does not know how to behave properly when being served in a restaurant. She visited us for the weekend and kindly (and proudly) took us out to dinner at one of the nicest restaurants in town. The place was packed and the waitstaff was under pressure, making efficiency even more critical than normal.

When our server came to take our drink order, our niece was unprepared as she was focusing instead on picking an appetizer. My husband and I ordered our drinks, hoping she would follow our lead. But when the server turned to her, she ordered her appetizer and said she hadn’t yet decided on a drink, and that when he returned with our drinks, she’d let him know what she wanted. This would force him to make yet another trip to the bar. Later, when our table ran out of bread, she abruptly raised her hand as if in a third-grade classroom and waved it around until another server came over to find out what she wanted.

Faux pas number three occurred with the arrival of the check, when she examined it not discreetly, as etiquette demands, but at eye level and arm’s length for what felt like an eternity.

Is it possible (or even advisable) to discuss this with our niece after the fact? How do we broach the subject without embarrassing her, or sounding like a couple of know-it-alls?

GENTLE READER: It is difficult for Miss Manners to provide advice on how to correct behavior that, while enthusiastically naive, was not rude. Your niece’s expectations that she be given time to select her order, that the servers promptly fulfill reasonable requests and that the charges be correct may not have been efficient, but efficiency is not the standard of good manners.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a baby shower scheduled for my daughter’s first child. The plans are made, the invitations are sent, and the money has been spent on the venue.

However, my mother (the mom-to-be’s grandmother) suddenly took gravely ill, and is likely to pass within the next few days. What should I do?! Cancel, since the family probably won’t really feel like celebrating, and hope for a refund? Or continue as planned?

My gut is telling me to cancel or postpone it, but by now, the venue will be fully booked through the season, and the baby is due in a little over a month. I suppose we could change it to a meet-the-baby shower soon after she’s born, which could be even more fun. But I’m wondering: What is the proper etiquette in such a situation?

GENTLE READER: Losing the deposit -- and possibly scrambling later to find a new venue -- is preferable to being thought heartless. After all, Hamlet is still angry that his mother used the leftover food from her first husband’s funeral at her second wedding.

Miss Manners realizes that, in that case, a delay would not have improved Hamlet’s outlook, but it would have given the other guests less to gossip about.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am wondering, how does one politely salt their food without offending the chef and/or their host?

It seems to me that if it’s salted immediately after it’s served, before even being tasted, the diner does not trust the chef to season the food properly. On the other hand, if the diner salts the food after having tasted it, it still seems an insult to the chef, as it appears the food was not seasoned properly or to the diner’s taste.

I do not salt my food, out of personal preference and not having grown up with salt and pepper shakers on the table. My husband, on the other hand, salts everything, even if it’s already a fairly salty or well-seasoned dish. What is proper salt etiquette?

GENTLE READER: Cooks sometimes being a temperamental lot, Miss Manners cannot say what will give offense, only when etiquette will support their umbrage.

A diner is always free to apply condiments that have been provided, although she understands why applying them before tasting could be taken as criticism -- a good reason for chefs not to stare at others’ plates.

One can go further at commercial establishments -- where one is purchasing a product, not benefiting from someone’s hospitality -- and ask for condiments common to the region. The fiction being maintained on both sides is that a moderate application is meant to accent, not alter, the dish, which means keeping the number and quantity of additions within reason.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not part of “society,” as it is known, but I was confused after reading a recent letter. It was from a young lady who was confused to see men in morning wear at an evening wedding.

I always thought the purpose of attending a wedding was to enjoy the launching of a couple on the sea of matrimony, not to critique the adornment of the attendees. Have I had it wrong all these 81 years?

GENTLE READER: Can one not do both?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)