DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve begun to notice that many stores do not remove the basting stitches on coats or skirts with kick pleats, and I suspect a lot of people might not know the little “X” in back is usually temporary. It is there for ease in pressing, and it will eventually come out.

As a result, I see most of my girlfriends wearing coats and skirts that have the stitches intact and don’t exactly “swing” as they should in back. Is this something I should mention to them? If so, what is an appropriate way?

It’s trivial by comparison to spinach between the teeth or a skirt tucked into nylons, so I haven’t said anything so far. I worry about overstepping my bounds, but I genuinely appreciate it when people tell me I have tags sticking out, etc., so I’m not sure.

GENTLE READER: Leaving home with a tag affixed is embarrassing enough without also taxing a friend with not knowing that the item -- in this case, the stitch -- was meant to be removed. Miss Manners therefore softens the blow by acting as if the stitch and the tag are the same problem: something that can be discreetly mentioned to a friend who may appreciate the warning.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our 21-year-old niece is a delight in every way but one: She does not know how to behave properly when being served in a restaurant. She visited us for the weekend and kindly (and proudly) took us out to dinner at one of the nicest restaurants in town. The place was packed and the waitstaff was under pressure, making efficiency even more critical than normal.

When our server came to take our drink order, our niece was unprepared as she was focusing instead on picking an appetizer. My husband and I ordered our drinks, hoping she would follow our lead. But when the server turned to her, she ordered her appetizer and said she hadn’t yet decided on a drink, and that when he returned with our drinks, she’d let him know what she wanted. This would force him to make yet another trip to the bar. Later, when our table ran out of bread, she abruptly raised her hand as if in a third-grade classroom and waved it around until another server came over to find out what she wanted.

Faux pas number three occurred with the arrival of the check, when she examined it not discreetly, as etiquette demands, but at eye level and arm’s length for what felt like an eternity.

Is it possible (or even advisable) to discuss this with our niece after the fact? How do we broach the subject without embarrassing her, or sounding like a couple of know-it-alls?

GENTLE READER: It is difficult for Miss Manners to provide advice on how to correct behavior that, while enthusiastically naive, was not rude. Your niece’s expectations that she be given time to select her order, that the servers promptly fulfill reasonable requests and that the charges be correct may not have been efficient, but efficiency is not the standard of good manners.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a baby shower scheduled for my daughter’s first child. The plans are made, the invitations are sent, and the money has been spent on the venue.

However, my mother (the mom-to-be’s grandmother) suddenly took gravely ill, and is likely to pass within the next few days. What should I do?! Cancel, since the family probably won’t really feel like celebrating, and hope for a refund? Or continue as planned?

My gut is telling me to cancel or postpone it, but by now, the venue will be fully booked through the season, and the baby is due in a little over a month. I suppose we could change it to a meet-the-baby shower soon after she’s born, which could be even more fun. But I’m wondering: What is the proper etiquette in such a situation?

GENTLE READER: Losing the deposit -- and possibly scrambling later to find a new venue -- is preferable to being thought heartless. After all, Hamlet is still angry that his mother used the leftover food from her first husband’s funeral at her second wedding.

Miss Manners realizes that, in that case, a delay would not have improved Hamlet’s outlook, but it would have given the other guests less to gossip about.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am wondering, how does one politely salt their food without offending the chef and/or their host?

It seems to me that if it’s salted immediately after it’s served, before even being tasted, the diner does not trust the chef to season the food properly. On the other hand, if the diner salts the food after having tasted it, it still seems an insult to the chef, as it appears the food was not seasoned properly or to the diner’s taste.

I do not salt my food, out of personal preference and not having grown up with salt and pepper shakers on the table. My husband, on the other hand, salts everything, even if it’s already a fairly salty or well-seasoned dish. What is proper salt etiquette?

GENTLE READER: Cooks sometimes being a temperamental lot, Miss Manners cannot say what will give offense, only when etiquette will support their umbrage.

A diner is always free to apply condiments that have been provided, although she understands why applying them before tasting could be taken as criticism -- a good reason for chefs not to stare at others’ plates.

One can go further at commercial establishments -- where one is purchasing a product, not benefiting from someone’s hospitality -- and ask for condiments common to the region. The fiction being maintained on both sides is that a moderate application is meant to accent, not alter, the dish, which means keeping the number and quantity of additions within reason.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not part of “society,” as it is known, but I was confused after reading a recent letter. It was from a young lady who was confused to see men in morning wear at an evening wedding.

I always thought the purpose of attending a wedding was to enjoy the launching of a couple on the sea of matrimony, not to critique the adornment of the attendees. Have I had it wrong all these 81 years?

GENTLE READER: Can one not do both?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a very private person and have had issues with stalkers in the past. I am not on any social media, nor do I want to be.

So when the usual, casual, get-to-know-you questions are asked in a social setting, I lie or tell half-truths about where I live and work. And I give my nickname instead of my legal name, or any other identifiable information.

I think it is much better to just make up this info than to say, “I’m not going to tell you.” I have zero intention of explaining my painful past, and anyway, why does some random person need to know?!

My sister thinks this is a terrible idea and thinks I should just politely tell them I don’t want to give out that information. What do you think is the best way to answer these types of social questions?

GENTLE READER: First, let us clarify your own question. You seem to be asking how to behave at getting-to-know-you gatherings when you don’t want anyone to get to know you. In that case, why attend?

It is not that Miss Manners believes that you are required to give your address to strangers. Even without your unfortunate experience, that seems unwise. It is also unnecessary.

But you have to give them something with which to start a conversation. And the none-of-your-business dismissal your sister suggests is not going to do it. Nor should you be lying.

But for that matter, bare facts, even if you were willing to provide them, would not serve the purpose, either.

You should use those questions to provide information you don’t mind sharing: “I live in town, but I have a tiny patch of land because I love to garden. Do you?” Or “Oh, I just work to support my tennis habit. Do you play?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We frequently have my sister-in-law’s family over for family dinners. She and her husband have always allowed their 12-year-old son to choose not to eat any vegetables, and almost no fruit. He refuses to eat them because “he doesn’t like them.” This has gone on his entire life.

At Thanksgiving dinner, he will eat a small amount of turkey and probably several rolls. Dessert is always allowed, which he eats in full. This is bothersome not only to my wife and me, but to her other sisters and extended family members, also.

When they are at our house as our guests, are we on any valid ground to insist the kid eat a couple of green beans or carrots and some potatoes?

GENTLE READER: No. In fact, double no, because you should not attempt to train other people’s children unless specifically authorized to do so, and you should not be monitoring what any of your guests eat.

You will, of course, protest that the child is a relative and that you are concerned for his health. That is a topic that can be raised only by a relative who is on confidential terms with the parents and can do so without criticism of their child-rearing -- and far away from the dinner table.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)