DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I go to my boyfriend’s house, his teenage daughter (age 15) is usually in her bedroom with the door closed. When she comes out, she will tell her father what she is going to do, but will never even acknowledge that I am sitting there; no “hello,” “hi,” nothing. My boyfriend sits right next to me and sees that she does this, but doesn’t say anything to her.

Is her not saying anything to me considered bad manners, or just normal teenager behavior? Do I greet her first or, if her behavior is considered rude, do I wait for him to correct her?

GENTLE READER: You would have to consult the parent of a teenager to determine what constitutes normal behavior, since teenagers often have trouble recognizing a behavior yardstick against which to measure themselves.

Not being one to accept “but everyone does it” as an answer, Miss Manners confirms that whatever other teenagers may do, this behavior is rude.

But there is no order of greeting: It would be equally rude of you to sit in silence. Say “Hello.” If she pointedly ignores you, then there is a problem to discuss with your boyfriend after she leaves the room.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who takes the liberty of volunteering my time and resources. Two examples:

1. She happened to be visiting when a young person of my acquaintance showed up uninvited, and asked to sleep on my couch. Before I could formulate a reply (which I intended to be negative), Visiting Friend piped up, “Sounds fine to me!”

2. In a logistics discussion involving my daughter, her boyfriend, and a flight arriving at an inconvenient time, Friend said, “I think (my name) should help you out on renting a car.” On that occasion, I shot back, “Way to volunteer my time and money!”

What can I respond next time she does this that will not leave me looking chintzy or inhospitable? She’s the one who’s out of line; why can’t others see that?

GENTLE READER: Others do see that. You had everyone’s sympathy right up to the point of your ill-advised snappy comeback. Had you kept your head, all would have been well.

Miss Manners would have responded with an enormous smile -- meant to demonstrate that your friend’s behavior is amusing because the question was obviously not hers to answer -- followed with, “I do wish that were possible, but it is not.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My British office has decreed that Fridays are “Dress Down Days” and we are encouraged to wear casual clothing. I actually prefer wearing a suit and tie; I feel quite comfortable and I think I look better. Is there a way of answering the, “Why haven’t you dressed down?” questions without sounding like a prig or a snob? Or am I both?

GENTLE READER: You are a gentleman with a proper respect for looking professional. But as Miss Manners fears that your colleagues are not, the best answer may be, “Oh, is today Friday?” or “I have some serious work to do. Maybe next week.”

This will grow less believable each time it is used, but colleagues will also grow weary of asking. They will already have concluded that you are a prig and a snob, but that may be the cost of looking better than they do.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am Caucasian, raising my two biracial granddaughters. We are constantly barraged with questions from perfect strangers as to our relationship, reason for being together, and other personal history.

I need help with an appropriate response that will not promote anger or further racial tensions -- but will allow me and my girls some dignity and peace.

GENTLE READER: As your granddaughters will observe your response, these are opportunities to teach them how to deflect nosy questions without getting into altercations.

The response Miss Manners suggests, no matter what these people have the nerve to ask, is, “Thank you, I’m very proud of my granddaughers.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have been close friends with another couple for many years, and typically celebrate all milestones with them and a few other couples, in addition to family. Here is what the wife does in advance of every major occasion: She starts asking me how we plan to celebrate X, and when.

One time, I responded by saying we had date A and date B in mind, not yet confirmed. She proceeded to tell me how she already had plans for date A, but date B should be good.

I wanted to say, “Wait, I don’t remember inviting you!”

Also, in such cases, it puts us in an awkward spot if we decide to host it on date A (as if we don’t want this couple there). We did book something once on a date that was a conflict for them, and she felt slighted.

None of the other friends or family do this; they wait to be invited and then respond accordingly. We have never asked this couple in advance when their parties are. I now don’t give any tentative dates, and just say we are working on it. She proceeds anyway to tell me all their plans for the weekend in question, as well as the two weekends before and after.

We value their friendship, but putting pressure on us like this is getting uncomfortable, as if they are the main guests without whom the party cannot go on.

GENTLE READER: Of course they should wait to be invited. But through repetition, you have trained these people to believe that they are a permanent part of your celebrations, so naturally they want to know the dates in order to make plans.

People who give annual parties also find that their invitations are taken for granted. A gentleman of Miss Manners’ acquaintance gave New Year’s Eve parties for many years, and the year he was out of town -- not having issued any invitations -- 40 people showed up. That they were kept standing outside in the cold in evening dress presumably made the point.

So, too, should your changing the date. You must stick with that, although you can soften it by saying that you are sorry they can’t make it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it unreasonable for a 57-year-old daughter-in-law to thank us for financially helping them because of their being financially irresponsible ($50,000+)?

GENTLE READER: Did your son thank you? If so, Miss Manners believes that counts as representing them both. If not, you might blame his upbringing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband says that when someone is struggling to think of the word they want to say, it is impolite to suggest the word one thinks they may be trying to remember. He says it shows that one thinks one is superior, and that it derails the other person’s thoughts.

I will agree that someone who waits a fraction of a second before volleying the other person with a half-dozen synonyms can be annoying and derail the conversation. However, I often feel grateful when someone who has seen me struggle for the right word for a few seconds gently recommends one. I don’t find it rude at all.

My question is not whether it is rude for me to help my husband find the correct word when he’s having difficulty thinking of it. Obviously, persisting in doing something the other person finds annoying is rude. (I do occasionally slip up, because it feels rude not to offer assistance, but I do my best to avoid it.)

Rather, my question is whether he is correct that it is always rude. Should I try to break myself of this habit with everyone, rather than just with him? Presumably, I may still secretly feel grateful to those who offer me assistance, even if it is technically rude of them to do so.

GENTLE READER: That one should not continue to annoy one’s spouse is, Miss Manners agrees, a good rule. And yours happens to be right -- except in regard to consenting spouses. Perhaps you know what it feels like when your device starts supplying words that you had not intended to type.

Anticipating what others want to say is generally demeaning, as it suggests that they are not worth listening to, because you already know what they are taking too much time to say.

However, Miss Manners knows several couples who encourage prompting, especially in regard to shared experiences or memories. “It was when we were at, uh ...” one will say, shooting a look at the other.

“He’s Googling me,” explained a lady of Miss Manners’ acquaintance as she supplied her husband with a name.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My child died, and I am very slowly sending handwritten notes to people who came to his memorial service, sent a handwritten card, visited or were otherwise comforting. I believe this is proper etiquette and it is helping me in various ways.

For the 45 or so people who brought us food, do we need to send a thank-you note? Some people have said that it would not be expected and, in fact, to expect it would be placing the very kind of burden on bereaved parents that these people sought to alleviate.

GENTLE READER: And yet you say that writing to people who showed that they cared is helping you.

Miss Manners is not surprised. To be able to do something on behalf of your beloved is often sustaining to the bereaved, who may be hit hardest when there is nothing more to be done. Some are able to keep themselves going by becoming involved in a related cause, such as combatting the fatal disease or crime.

Please write those letters. Good people who cared about your loss deserve to be encouraged, and may be a continuing source of emotional support to you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)