DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am Caucasian, raising my two biracial granddaughters. We are constantly barraged with questions from perfect strangers as to our relationship, reason for being together, and other personal history.

I need help with an appropriate response that will not promote anger or further racial tensions -- but will allow me and my girls some dignity and peace.

GENTLE READER: As your granddaughters will observe your response, these are opportunities to teach them how to deflect nosy questions without getting into altercations.

The response Miss Manners suggests, no matter what these people have the nerve to ask, is, “Thank you, I’m very proud of my granddaughers.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have been close friends with another couple for many years, and typically celebrate all milestones with them and a few other couples, in addition to family. Here is what the wife does in advance of every major occasion: She starts asking me how we plan to celebrate X, and when.

One time, I responded by saying we had date A and date B in mind, not yet confirmed. She proceeded to tell me how she already had plans for date A, but date B should be good.

I wanted to say, “Wait, I don’t remember inviting you!”

Also, in such cases, it puts us in an awkward spot if we decide to host it on date A (as if we don’t want this couple there). We did book something once on a date that was a conflict for them, and she felt slighted.

None of the other friends or family do this; they wait to be invited and then respond accordingly. We have never asked this couple in advance when their parties are. I now don’t give any tentative dates, and just say we are working on it. She proceeds anyway to tell me all their plans for the weekend in question, as well as the two weekends before and after.

We value their friendship, but putting pressure on us like this is getting uncomfortable, as if they are the main guests without whom the party cannot go on.

GENTLE READER: Of course they should wait to be invited. But through repetition, you have trained these people to believe that they are a permanent part of your celebrations, so naturally they want to know the dates in order to make plans.

People who give annual parties also find that their invitations are taken for granted. A gentleman of Miss Manners’ acquaintance gave New Year’s Eve parties for many years, and the year he was out of town -- not having issued any invitations -- 40 people showed up. That they were kept standing outside in the cold in evening dress presumably made the point.

So, too, should your changing the date. You must stick with that, although you can soften it by saying that you are sorry they can’t make it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it unreasonable for a 57-year-old daughter-in-law to thank us for financially helping them because of their being financially irresponsible ($50,000+)?

GENTLE READER: Did your son thank you? If so, Miss Manners believes that counts as representing them both. If not, you might blame his upbringing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband says that when someone is struggling to think of the word they want to say, it is impolite to suggest the word one thinks they may be trying to remember. He says it shows that one thinks one is superior, and that it derails the other person’s thoughts.

I will agree that someone who waits a fraction of a second before volleying the other person with a half-dozen synonyms can be annoying and derail the conversation. However, I often feel grateful when someone who has seen me struggle for the right word for a few seconds gently recommends one. I don’t find it rude at all.

My question is not whether it is rude for me to help my husband find the correct word when he’s having difficulty thinking of it. Obviously, persisting in doing something the other person finds annoying is rude. (I do occasionally slip up, because it feels rude not to offer assistance, but I do my best to avoid it.)

Rather, my question is whether he is correct that it is always rude. Should I try to break myself of this habit with everyone, rather than just with him? Presumably, I may still secretly feel grateful to those who offer me assistance, even if it is technically rude of them to do so.

GENTLE READER: That one should not continue to annoy one’s spouse is, Miss Manners agrees, a good rule. And yours happens to be right -- except in regard to consenting spouses. Perhaps you know what it feels like when your device starts supplying words that you had not intended to type.

Anticipating what others want to say is generally demeaning, as it suggests that they are not worth listening to, because you already know what they are taking too much time to say.

However, Miss Manners knows several couples who encourage prompting, especially in regard to shared experiences or memories. “It was when we were at, uh ...” one will say, shooting a look at the other.

“He’s Googling me,” explained a lady of Miss Manners’ acquaintance as she supplied her husband with a name.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My child died, and I am very slowly sending handwritten notes to people who came to his memorial service, sent a handwritten card, visited or were otherwise comforting. I believe this is proper etiquette and it is helping me in various ways.

For the 45 or so people who brought us food, do we need to send a thank-you note? Some people have said that it would not be expected and, in fact, to expect it would be placing the very kind of burden on bereaved parents that these people sought to alleviate.

GENTLE READER: And yet you say that writing to people who showed that they cared is helping you.

Miss Manners is not surprised. To be able to do something on behalf of your beloved is often sustaining to the bereaved, who may be hit hardest when there is nothing more to be done. Some are able to keep themselves going by becoming involved in a related cause, such as combatting the fatal disease or crime.

Please write those letters. Good people who cared about your loss deserve to be encouraged, and may be a continuing source of emotional support to you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a divorced woman. An acquaintance who is a married man “waved” to me on social media.

How do I interpret this? Might it be an innocent hello, or is he inviting me to an online flirting relationship? Is it rude not to respond? I have no interest in flirting with a married man.

GENTLE READER: Then don’t ...?

While Miss Manners may not be well-versed on the secret codes of social media flirtation, she is certain that if it is not acceptable to do in real life (or IRL, as the young people call it), then it should not be replicated with icons.

A wave, therefore, seems perfectly innocuous. But of course, if its reciprocation is met with images of more suggestive body parts or items of produce, it can and should be shut down by the enemy of all things internet: silence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other day, my family went out to lunch, 15 total in our group. My niece and her husband said they were picking up the tab.

After lunch, the bill came, and my niece asked everyone to guess how much the lunch was. Her husband was appalled, as was I. I tried telling her it was rude to ask everyone to guess how much the bill was. To me it’s like saying, “See how much money we have.”

My niece said it was just a game. I told her game or not, it’s not OK; it’s rude.

Should my niece ask guests to guess the cost of the bill? Her husband said she always does this, and he’s embarrassed by it, but she won’t stop.

GENTLE READER: It is, Miss Manners assures you, rude to ask guests to guess how much gratitude they owe their hosts. And it certainly takes all of the graciousness out of the gesture.

If your niece enjoys guessing games so much, however, perhaps you can suggest that next time she tries to play, her husband say, “Ooooh fun! Now can we guess how much you weigh?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are there rules for behavior of mourners attending a wake/viewing/reception prior to a funeral?

Twice now, I have stood in long, slow-moving lines to express my condolences to the grieving family and found lengthy delays due to extended conversations (sometimes with weeping) that those in front of me have with the bereaved spouse/parent/child. One line did not move forward for 20 minutes, as the mourner and spouse shared extensive memories of the deceased.

Some of us who are older have trouble standing for long periods of time, while others in line may not enjoy being stuck next to the body when the casket is open. It would seem the duty of the funeral home attendants to move the line along, but if that doesn’t happen, what should one do if waiting becomes burdensome? Is it ever appropriate to interrupt?

GENTLE READER: While much of your reasoning is valid, Miss Manners finds it unseemly to chastise mourners for not speeding up the process. Or for weeping.

Funeral attendants, however, may not feel so moved. Seek one out to ask if there are chairs to use while the crowd thins. Or track down a less pivotal family member and ask them to forward condolences on your behalf.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)