DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in an old mill that has been converted to apartments. I know some of my neighbors, but there are many I do not. There’s a lot of us here, and people move in and out frequently.

I like holding the door for others. However, since our apartment has a vestibule door that requires a residency key to enter, other tenants often seem uncomfortable with my holding the door.

What am I to do -- pull the door closed behind me and mouth apologies through the window? Or completely ignore the person and hope I never see them in the laundry room?

GENTLE READER: Spy movies in which the good guy gains access to the old mill by defeating a high-tech, higher-cost security system bore Miss Manners. Partly this is because she is unsporting enough to notice that a halfway attentive guard (the other half presumably playing sudoku) would have foiled the whole plan.

The lesson is that now is the time to introduce yourself to your new neighbors. This will spare you from the other reason Miss Manners avoids the above-mentioned movies, namely, her inability to tell the good guys and the bad guys apart.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don’t speak much Spanish, but I’ve studied it enough to know how to pronounce words and names correctly, more or less. Should I do so in casual conversation?

I often cringe when I hear Americanized pronunciations -- by, for example, sports broadcasters who, as part of their preparation, surely could learn how to pronounce athletes’ names. On the other hand, certain words, such as burrito, are virtually part of American English now, including (perhaps) their American pronunciations.

Is it pertinent whether the person I’m talking to is a native Spanish speaker? I want to put people at their ease, but I also don’t want to seem presumptuous.

GENTLE READER: Ideally, one can find a compromise between atrociously mangling a word and affecting a noticeable accent (which, depending on your fluency, may or may not fool anyone).

Attempts to render the word as would a native speaker are too easily misunderstood -- sometimes as pretentiousness or a sneer, sometimes as simply unrecognizable. Miss Manners notes that names are trickier because mispronunciations can give offense. Fortunately, they come with corporeal owners who can dispense guidance and, as needed, tolerance and forgiveness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I alternate taking our dog on morning walks. He thinks it’s acceptable to dispose of bagged pet waste in strangers’ garbage cans, if they’ve been rolled out to the sidewalk for pickup that day or if they’re permanently stored at the end of a driveway, adjacent to the sidewalk.

I agree that holding on to the bag for the entirety of the walk is unpleasant, but I wait for disposal until we’ve reached the public garbage cans at our neighborhood park, or until we’ve gotten home. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That no harm is done by additions to a trash can that cannot be seen or smelled. Miss Manners also recommends not getting caught, which will require Mauser to be a cooperating coconspirator.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a transgender woman who recently transitioned from living as a male to living as a female. I have a new name, and I look different enough that people who knew me before do not recognize me. I periodically see someone in public who knew me as a male.

What would be some good words to use to greet them and alert them to who I am without causing undue shock or giving them more information than they want to deal with?

GENTLE READER: “So good to see you again. You remember me as Zachery Morrow. I am now Zelda Morrow.”

Miss Manners then recommends changing the subject by inquiring about them. She says this because it is polite, but also because you already, no doubt, have enough people who want to quiz you about your transition.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Today at the supermarket, the woman ahead of me in the checkout line abandoned her cart, strode past me without a word, and returned to her shopping. As the customer ahead left, I paused a moment, then attempted to pass the lonely cart and complete my purchase.

From 40 feet away, the woman cried out, “Excuse me!” and scurried back in front of me in line. I said, “We were ready to roll here,” and she replied, “Well, I’m ready now.”

I managed to hold my tongue thereafter, but wonder: Was I out of line? Or was she thrice rude: first, to leave her cart; secondly, to ignore me; and third, to berate me in my attempt to keep the line moving?

GENTLE READER: If the woman’s behavior delayed tallying up your groceries, Miss Manners has no objection to spending the time counting the rudenesses committed. They include the ones you name -- and possibly, depending on tone and delivery, your own statement, as well.

But it would be tastier to count the successes. That the woman hurried back when you attempted, quite reasonably, to bypass her abandoned cart is one. Her return ended the delay. Had you been content with that, you could have added a second success: not returning rudeness with further rudeness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepdaughter, with whom I have had a decent but sometimes rocky relationship, is expecting her first child. She has sent a baby shower invitation addressed solely to my husband.

My husband says I am being petty in feeling snubbed. I feel that an invitation to a married couple should include both parties. Who is correct here? Should I assume I was included?

GENTLE READER: You are correct. And your husband has an ulterior motive: peace between his wife and his daughter, preferably without any further action required on his part.

Miss Manners mentions this to steel you for some mild deception yourself. Tell your husband that you are conflicted because you want to honor his daughter’s feelings, but do not know what they are. If she wants to spend the time with her birth father, you understand completely. But you would be mortified to miss the event if she meant to include you.

Your husband will comfort you while insisting there is no reason to consult the daughter. Hold firm. The only way he can resolve your dilemma is by calling his daughter and asking her intentions. This will teach her not to misbehave and him not to countenance bad behavior.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there any dress etiquette for a college classroom? How-much-skin-is-too-much-skin is a frequent subject of debate, of course, but what about pajamas?

I graduated about two years ago. During my entire time at school, there seemed to be at least one of these offenders in almost every one of my classes, yet professors, other students, and even special speakers never seemed to notice.

Doesn’t it give the impression that the class is unimportant, and that the most the student could do was show up for class on time (if that)? What happened to dress as a reflection of respect for others (let alone oneself)?!

GENTLE READER: Even Miss Manners is not so foolhardy as to propose a dress code for college students.

It is not that she disagrees with you. Indeed, clean, neat and nonprovocative (politically or otherwise) clothes would be respectful not only of the occasion, but of others in their community.

But most people discount the fact that clothing is symbolic, and she feels that heated arguments with teenagers about self-expression and comfort are futile, and hardly worthwhile in such a relatively secluded environment. She suspects that the adults who seem to be ignoring the issue feel the same way.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We no longer wish to have company stay more than three days. It’s just too hard on us to be “on” and take responsibility for guests’ welfare.

How can we tell people whom we have invited to come see us that we have a three-day rule?

GENTLE READER: Not by quoting Benjamin Franklin (who may have been quoting an earlier source): “Fish and visitors stink after three days.”

Miss Manners suggests a more positive approach: “We would love to have you stay with us from the 5th until the 8th.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When did having a bad day become an excuse to be rude in the customer service industry?

Frequently, I come across things online that state, “Maybe the person was having a bad day ... you never know what someone is going through.”

Yes, I agree that we never know what someone is going through. Isn’t that more of a reason to be kind, regardless of your own troubles? If you’re in the customer service industry, you don’t take it out on patrons.

Is kindness in the face of personal adversity not a sign of maturity? When my mother passed away, I still smiled and welcomed everyone warmly. I have suffered from major depressive disorder my whole life, but no one would know it.

It just seems that nowadays, people would rather be a victim to themselves and their troubles, and that makes it suddenly OK to take it out on others.

When we come home from work, we’re told to leave our work troubles at the door, so why does the same not apply to personal problems when you reach work?

I doubt anyone would give the go-ahead to be rude if someone said they were having a bad day, yet that is the idea being enforced when we tell people to excuse behavior because of a bad day. Where do you stand on this?

GENTLE READER: Right beside you, cheering.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)