DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please tell me if it is proper to take the complimentary sets of soaps, lotions, shower caps etc. from your hotel room. If you are staying more than one day, can you take them on a daily basis? My husband says no and I say yes.

GENTLE READER: The rule -- back when hotels provided actual bars of soap and actual bottles of shampoo -- was to use only what you required on-site.

Too few people followed the rule, however, which caused the hotels to switch to sample-size products, a euphemism for “microscopic.” As these are intended to be thrown out each time the room changes hands, Miss Manners throws up her hands if you choose to make off with the remaining drops rather than allow them to go to waste. She remains firmly opposed to hiding half-full bottles to force replacement, and to ransacking the supply cart.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I belong to a wonderful family gym. The class I attend has its regulars, and we support each other in accomplishing our fitness goals in the daily classes. I have been attending regularly with my 15-year-old son for almost a year now.

One day in class, a fellow female gym-mate invited me to have dinner “with us” after class, and I accepted the offer. I asked her if it’s OK if my son joined, as we both know her from the gym and work out alongside each other. She said “yes” with a smile and enthusiasm.

When my son and I arrived at the dinner after the workout, we immediately realized this was a by-invite-only event and all those in attendance were female adults.

Needless to say, I was ready to leave soon after arriving. Not only that, but all those in attendance, with the exception of myself and my son, had contributed to a going-away gift, which was presented to the hostess at the dinner. We both felt very awkward and soon after left.

Was it rude to leave early, or should I have ignored my feelings and endured the entire dinner? I feel awkward now going back to the gym. How should I approach these women?

GENTLE READER: There is a common misperception that awkwardness, because it is uncomfortable, is also intolerable. This is not the case, which is why Miss Manners can appreciate what an unpleasant surprise it was for your son to see the other guests when you arrived, without her therefore giving you permission to beat a hasty retreat.

Your hostess was not taken by surprise, having given her express permission. And anyway, teenaged boys all need to learn to interact with adults -- even adult women -- sometime. This should have been easier given that he was already doing so at the gym.

Dampen your own -- unnecessary -- embarrassment so that you can reassure your son that he has no reason for a similar feeling, either upon returning to the gym or, had you remained, being social at the party.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend with whom I enjoy socializing at luncheons and dinners, and we sometimes travel together. She is blessed with a handsome income, and enjoys shopping.

I spent 20-plus years as a single mother, with a decent income but rarely money to burn. My child is now on his own with a good career. I continue to be frugal, but never “cheap.”

My friend insists I join her in shopping at high-end stores where I feel extremely uncomfortable. She has the means and desire to buy $5,000 purses (she has several) and $700 shoes, but even though I’ve enjoyed a healthy six-figure income the last several years, I still see no sense in spending that kind of money on a functional item.

So while she shops to impress, I sit with my $29.99 sale purse and $80 shoes, feeling like the proverbial fish out of water. I feel very embarrassed. If I opt out of any store, she is visibly upset.

How do I politely tell her I am not interested in what the new “It” spring bag looks like? (I frankly think they’re ugly, and really don’t get why anyone would spend $3,500 on a bag made of coated fabric and not leather.)

This issue has escalated. Whereas she used to enjoy a bargain as I did, now she only wants to steer us into the stores of the rich and famous. And yes, I do think she’s showing off, but her actions are only making me sour on the friendship.

GENTLE READER: As possibly the only columnist who doesn’t pass the buck by telling everyone to see a good therapist, Miss Manners is nevertheless curious. Why do you feel embarrassed? Why are you uncomfortable in fancy stores that usually have soft chairs?

And most of all, why can’t you say, “I’d be delighted to have lunch with you, but I’ll skip the shopping. You and I have different tastes”?

At any rate, that is what you must say. If anyone should feel embarrassed, it should be the person who exposes her indulgence in overpriced goods.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to a party that I’m pretty sure I wasn’t expected to attend. We are not close, and I live several states away.

I did send my regrets, and a congratulatory email. The only reason I hesitate to send a card is because people seem to expect a gift card/cash/check to accompany a card.

This may sound like a bizarre question, but do people appreciate a card without a monetary gift? I feel like some people would say no. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That anyone who would disdain your good wishes unless accompanied by a donation is not worth your time, much less your money.

There is no limit nowadays to what people might expect in the way of financial assistance, but Miss Manners assures you that this does not mean that you have to hand it over.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the father of five grown daughters, the last one having just graduated from college and gone out into the working world. Over the years, I’ve grown accustomed to jabs about living in a household that is, with the exception of myself, completely female, though I resent the assumption that I’d prefer it otherwise.

Many times, I’ve had to put up with such stereotypical questions as trying to find husbands for all of them -- some of which were meant to be good-natured, but simply ended up sounding outdated and sexist.

However, the one question that I was repeatedly subjected to after the birth of each of my daughters was “Did you really want a boy?” -- something I found offensive to both myself and my children, oddly questioning if I loved them fully and would have preferred them to be replaced with males.

I always tried to change the subject immediately without answering, careful not to show my anger, watching those questioning me become embarrassed when I went stone cold. Luckily, as years went by, I stopped getting these sorts of questions and things calmed down.

However, two of my daughters have now provided me with the most charming grandchildren, all little girls, and I’m being struck anew with guffaws and the like, some even commenting that the family cannot seem to break the “curse” of generating anything but daughters. Indeed, the offensive remarks seem to have multiplied with this new generation.

How do I finally put an end to such comments without making my wonderful children and grandchildren sound as if they were not the gifts that I was expecting?

I adore my family exactly the way that it is, but feel angered at the assumption that I must even voice that aloud.

GENTLE READER: That this problem is getting worse shocks Miss Manners. Only the banality of such remarks must account for their not having been followed by a solid female punch.

So let us bring this train of thought out into the open and watch the attempts to defend it.

The first rule about dealing with dumb remarks is to refuse to accept them as mere pleasantries. Rather than giving even a weak smile, you should stare at the speaker -- this will be hard -- as if you had never before heard such a thing. After a pause, you should utter one word: “Why?”

Your interlocutor should become thoroughly unnerved, and murmur something to cover a retreat.

Use a tone of curiosity, rather than condemnation. The idea is not to cause embarrassment so much as to make people examine the implications of what they say so thoughtlessly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If it is proper to use initialed note cards, would one use the first, or last, initial of the person writing the note? If a woman is writing a thank-you note from her husband and herself, which initial would she use?

GENTLE READER: Hers -- of both first and last name -- unless she is pretending to be her husband, having lost the battle to get him to write his own letters of thanks.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)