DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here is my quite transparent hypothetical:

If two people are walking in the hallway at work, having a conversation, and a third person approaches one of them to talk exclusively about a work matter (ignoring the other person altogether), is this considered rude? Or is this acceptable, since the conversation is about work and occurs in a public space instead of in an office?

What should the ignored person do? Wait for them to end their conversation, get involved in this new conversation, or simply walk away? Or be gracious and say something like, “You two look like you have something important to talk about. I’ll catch you guys later,” in an expression and tone as authentic as one can muster?

I know that the last option is the adult choice, but it is very hard for us sensitive and easily offended people to carry off. And how does one develop a thicker skin, so as not to take slight at seemingly trivial matters? Thank you for your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: You are welcome?

No one should ever be interrupted or ignored, but Miss Manners is afraid that she must agree that a work conversation does take precedence over a social one. Waiting for a reasonable amount of time before politely excusing yourself and walking away is, in fact, the adult and mannerly thing to do.

If you must add a slight edge in order to appease your easily offended feelings, Miss Manners will permit you to say, “Please let me know when you are available again and I will finish my story.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why am I only thanked “for the card” and not the money inside?

GENTLE READER: Because the truth -- ”thanks for the cash, didn’t read the card” -- lacks a certain grace and tact.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When throwing a party, and the invitation says 4 p.m., is it proper to have food ready at 4 p.m.? Or should it be ready later, after appetizers?

GENTLE READER: How well does your food keep? Four in the afternoon is not a conventional mealtime, so appetizers are usually the main event. However, if hot food or a more elaborate meal is being served, Miss Manners generally recommends a 30-minute window for guests to arrive, before putting out food that may be likely to develop unappetizing crusts or temperatures.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whose responsibility is it to utter the first greeting -- a home’s resident, or the visitor? Does it matter if one of the residents is not the one I have come to see?

Every time I visit my friend at her house, she greets me immediately, but her roommate never says hello or acknowledges my presence in any way. I eventually say hello to her and she replies politely.

GENTLE READER: While no one should open a door in silence, the nonessential resident in a visit can be forgiven for not immediately stopping to greet someone who is not that person’s guest. Still, there must be some acknowledgment of the guest’s presence, and Miss Manners agrees that a seething, “I said ‘hello, Tina,’” should never be necessary.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My oldest child, age 24, is getting engaged. He is a trans man planning a pagan/cosplay wedding where guests are welcome to dress up in costume. His intended, age 21 (ish?), is a trans woman.

His other parent (my abusive former husband, with whom I have no contact other than through the courts) has also come out, transitioned, and is now a trans woman. Our divorce may or may not be final by the time the wedding occurs.

It is likely that my parents and I will throw a potluck/picnic reception, as people of modest means around here sometimes do, for the happy couple. I am not sure where the other set of parents is in all this. It’s a little confusing yet.

I learned as a child that good manners were how you made sure that everyone was happy and comfortable. But I’m lost as to how to word the announcements/invitations, which names go on them, and in what order.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not often concern itself with the relationship and backstory of its participants, only in who is doing the inviting.

Presumably everyone involved has names. Use them. Especially if they are different from the original ones, as this is a chance to alert people to updates in gender, names and pronouns.

Miss Manners would give you specifics, but she is not entirely certain who are the hosts at which event. If the couple is giving the wedding themselves, and you and your parents are giving the reception, the invitation may be worded thus:

“The pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of Ms. Jace Payton and Mr. Cayden Smithton ...” followed by the date, time and place, and then: “and afterwards by Ms. Eleanor Smithton and Mr. and Mrs. Harrison Smithton at a potluck/picnic reception ...” with the address.

If anyone else, such as the bride’s parents, your former spouse or other interested parties, becomes involved, you may either add their names to the appropriate event or have them issue their own invitations -- for rehearsal dinners, brunches or other masquerades and costumed rituals. Presumably each guest will recognize at least one name or surname on the invitation -- and be able to figure out or fill in the rest.

Elaborate costuming may, Miss Manners cautions, make this task infinitely harder at the wedding itself. But far be it from her to take away from anyone’s good time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Could you please tell me if and/or how I should respond when hosts begin to brag to other guests about my excellence and dependability at sending thank-you notes for occasions just like the one we are all attending together?

Friends and acquaintances actually make comments such as, “I don’t know how you do it!” and “You must have loads of free time.”

It is embarrassing, for some reason I don’t understand, and I’d like to improve my response from just sitting there smiling and waiting for the moment to pass.

GENTLE READER: “I like to do it because I feel so grateful to have been invited to such a wonderful event. Don’t you?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I free to order what I want when someone asks me to dinner? When I am paying for myself, I order what I want, and am not concerned about the price. Can I do the same when someone else will be paying for the meal?

GENTLE READER: No. When your hosts invite you to dinner, they do not hand over their charge cards.

A good guest avoids the pricier items on the menu. Miss Manners waives this rule in only three circumstances: first, when the host is specific about ordering an expensive item (“Try the lobster,” but not “Order whatever you want”). Second, when there is a mutual understanding about cost and reciprocity (i.e., the host for a recurring outing rotates, and there is a history of how much the meals cost). Third, when you are trying to forestall offers of a second date.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I graduated from law school, I had a graduation party at my home, for which I mailed out invitations. Four of the invitees were complete no-shows; despite my request that they RSVP, they must have forgotten to send their regrets.

I’m subscribed to a new service from the post office that sends me digital pictures of the letters I’ll receive, before they arrive in my mailbox. A few days after the party, I received one such notification: an image of an envelope with my address handwritten on it. The return address was cut off. It was almost surely a note from one of the invitees who couldn’t make it; few people know my address, and fewer still send handwritten notes.

I’d always thought “lost in the mail” was a euphemism, but now, a few weeks later, this letter still hasn’t turned up. I’m at a loss. One of these four people must’ve sent me a note (or even a gift), and I don’t want to appear ungrateful. But I also don’t want to shame the other three no-shows by asking if they were the ones who hadn’t bothered to send a note.

GENTLE READER: What will they think of next? Miss Manners herself prefers ignorance to being teased with notice of mail that is not then actually delivered.

It does, however, provide a solution to your dilemma. You could write to all four no-shows explaining -- in a light-hearted manner -- the awkward situation in which you find yourself. But beware. Mention only “a letter,” not a response to your invitation, and certainly not a present. Better to ignore the entire situation than to send a note that appears to be soliciting a gift when one was not, in fact, sent.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife has been trying to find out the proper placement of chairs after getting up from the dining table. Are they to be left back, or repositioned under the table? Does this change when it’s women only, versus when men are present?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette interests itself in many arcane points, but the placement of the furniture after people are done with it is not usually among them. So long as the chairs are upright, not blocking the exit, and in the same general area in which they started the evening, Miss Manners assures your wife that will suffice.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)