DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother and I often go to a local nail salon together and get the basic pedicure, which includes a soak, exfoliating, massage and polish. We try to get our pedicures simultaneously, so one of us doesn’t have to wait too long for the other to be finished.

Last time we went, the salon’s owner did my pedicure herself, and an employee did my mother’s. The owner hurried through the job, and in my opinion, “phoned it in.” The woman working on my mother took her time and did a good, relaxing job.

When it came time to pay, my mother tipped both women. (She paid for us both this time, but we usually each pay for our own.) We both know you are not supposed to tip a salon owner, since they don’t have to turn over a percentage, but here’s the trouble: How in the world do you pay at the cashier’s desk, which the owner was handling, and explain that “This $5 is for Rose. No, nothing for you.”

There is something of a language barrier, also. How should we handle this if it crops up again?

GENTLE READER: Ask for change. No, not in the behavior, although that would be helpful, too -- just not, Miss Manners warns, polite.

If you ask the owner to break a $20 bill, you may then give the tip to Rose in person before making a hasty exit. Since the owner is already in such a hurry, perhaps she will not notice that you did not return.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m getting married at my family’s cabin. It’s on a small, private lake that we enjoy with neighbors, some right next door and others down the private gravel road we all also share.

There will be about 30 guests, which, even with our best carpooling efforts, will result in added vehicle and foot traffic. I’m not expecting us to be an especially rowdy bunch, but some added noise from a larger party visiting our cabin seems inevitable.

Should I alert our neighbors about the upcoming wedding? I feel odd sending them a note saying “We’re having a wedding and you’re not invited; please don’t mind the traffic,” but on the other hand, I would rather they know in advance and so might forgive the little inconvenience of added cars and people during an already full weekend.

Should I write them a note? If so, how should it be worded? Some of the neighbors my family knows quite well, but many of them are virtual strangers.

GENTLE READER: If you are able to add, “Please come over for a drink later at the reception” to the note, it would go a long way toward securing your neighbors’ indulgence and good will.

Otherwise, Miss Manners agrees that alerting them to an event that will only cause annoyance is ungracious. If inviting them is not feasible, she suggests that you leave it alone and ask for forgiveness afterward -- perhaps by sending around leftover wedding cake and Champagne.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have three children who grew up as close friends to a neighbor of their age. She was (and is) treated as my third daughter, included in trips, etc. At the time, we were not well off financially, but she shared in what we had.

Many years have passed, and she is married with two children. She and her husband both work, but they are not as prosperous as one or two of my children. She and her family are still included in our family vacations, some of which are chosen based on the financial strain it will put on them to travel.

In the past, I have paid their hotel bill, but it led to an almost knock-down-drag-out fight with her husband, who looked on my gesture as charity.

As I explained to him, some of us are more fortunate than others in the financial area, through no fault or skill of either. What is the point of having money if I can’t spend it (in reasonable amounts) so that I can enjoy things with friends and family?

Her son is graduating high school and will be going away to college, primarily on scholarship. I want to send him more than a token cash gift. How do I do that without entering into a discussion that will cause hurt feelings? Can I gift him directly and ask him not to tell his parents? Seems rather underhanded and deceitful.

Do I have a frank discussion with the parents before sending him something? Any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Assuring his father that it was not his fault that he is poor does not appear to have gone over well.

Putting aside the question of whether or not this should have come as a surprise, it should have been a warning. That you have money, and are willing to share it, does not exempt you from considering others’ feelings. If being the recipient of your generosity makes them uncomfortable, Miss Manners urges you to moderate your giving -- not find better ways to push your generosity on them. And do not send cash as a present to their son.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 57-year-old, never-married woman who dines out occasionally with married couples. What is the proper way to handle splitting the bill?

This seems to have become a bone of contention, and I would love your thoughts on what is correct. I am sure I’m not the only single female in this position.

GENTLE READER: It is unclear to Miss Manners who is, so to speak, chewing on this particular bone.

The time when most restaurants were reluctant to split bills has, mercifully, come and gone. And surely you could ask your co-diners, “How would you like to split this? One-third, two-thirds?” You could also proffer your share in cash, but these days, having cash may be the most surprising option.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If a woman has made a luncheon engagement with a gentleman and she is late, how long should the gentleman wait before he leaves the restaurant? My reply, when asked by someone, was “at least 30 minutes.” Is this correct, or is there a time limit?

GENTLE READER: Although there was never a specific time limit, the question has been complicated by the advent of continuous communication. Half an hour to 45 minutes without any contact is a reasonable upper limit. But if the lady calls, apologizes profusely -- and explains that she is caught in traffic but expects to be there in 46 minutes (according to her GPS) -- the gentleman is expected to accept the apology gracefully.

He can use the intervening time to contemplate whether the behavior is likely to be repeated if a subsequent invitation is proffered, and the lunch itself to judge whether it is worth the wait.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I invited my 19-year-old niece on a trip to Colorado with my husband and our two daughters, aged 11 and 9. We are renting a house for 11 days with two bedrooms and a sofa bed.

I am not sure whether it is rude to have my niece sleep on the sofa bed the entire time, or to offer her the bedroom that I was planning to have my daughters use. My niece is a full-time student and does not have any money of her own.

Should I ask my brother, her father, to contribute to the costs of her food and entertainment while on the trip? Or since I invited her, should all the costs be my responsibility?

GENTLE READER: In common with cooking and airplane travel, etiquette is often easier when it is less spontaneous. (Miss Manners does not mean to disparage spontaneity; she merely observes that it sometimes results in extra trips to the grocery store, or home to collect the passport.)

The correct time to raise the sleeping arrangements is when the invitation is issued: “Dear niece, we are going to Colorado and we would love to have you join us if you are available. The conditions are somewhat primitive -- you would be on the couch -- but we would enjoy your company and think we will all have a wonderful time.”

If you have already made the invitation, then you will have to reissue it, saying that you’ve now discovered more about the house, namely the lack of sufficient bedrooms. Since you are the host, you are stuck with the cost, but, as you are not providing a bed, this seems fair. Your niece will no doubt reciprocate at some point, if not by paying for a family meal out, or sharing in the groceries, then by making herself charming and useful.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you think of the following phone message I received from a friend? “Hi, too busy to talk. Just wanted to let you know I got some good news.”

It made me wonder what she would have said if I’d been there to pick up the phone: ”Sorry, can’t talk. Please answer later when I’m less busy”?

GENTLE READER: In that case, Miss Manners gives you permission to ask, “Did you call me at an inconvenient time?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)