DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had a 70th birthday and a career that left me with a closet full of beautiful clothing. I watch my figure, and I love fashion and basically all the feminine things.

However, we are living in a society that is completely contradictory to all of the above. When I go to a nice hotel or restaurant with my husband, or just go to church, I see men and women with blue jeans, T-shirts, capris and even halters -- not to mention the people who shop in pajamas. Suits and dresses seem to be a thing of the past.

So, do I abandon all my nice clothing and put on jeans and sweats, wearing only long pants, a top, flat shoes, and insulated coats for everything else?

I am not self-centered. I am very generous and benevolent, give to many charities, have taken good care of many people, and have worked in a soup kitchen for several years.

GENTLE READER: Even if you had not worked in a soup kitchen, Miss Manners would consider you to be allowed to take an interest in your appearance.

That self-presentation may involve a dollop of vanity should not obscure its being chiefly about respect. Self-respect, to begin with, but also respect for others.

Anti-tourism, now rife even in places that depend economically on tourism, exists in part because the dress you describe is interpreted as disrespectful of the place being visited.

This look is to be lamented, not imitated. By all means, dress nicely: for yourself, your husband, and any onlookers whose ideas may be elevated by your example.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What should I do when I dine out at a restaurant I’ve been to before, and the server brings me whichever beverage I ordered last time? What if I want a different drink?

It’s as if the server is saying, “I’m an excellent server, because I memorized your beverage preference.” So I’d hate to crush their accomplishment. But sometimes I like to mix it up.

How should I politely request a different beverage? Or should I grin and suck it up ... through a straw?

GENTLE READER: A kinder way to interpret this is that the server is flattering you by remembering your previous order. So while Miss Manners does not expect you to down the wrong drink, she would like you to acknowledge this:

“How kind of you to remember. But you know, I’m in a different mood today, and I’d like to have one of your wonderful Pisco sours.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A dear friend has invited me to her wedding, which is followed by a “no host” reception. The morning after, she has invited me to a “no host” breakfast. I am completely unfamiliar with this term; can Miss Manners enlighten me?

GENTLE READER: It means that your friend is not intending to be hospitable. You may join her at the reception and/or breakfast if you like, but don’t expect to be offered anything to eat or drink; for that, you must pay your own way.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is a paraplegic and uses a wheelchair. When we became engaged, friends, family, colleagues and even acquaintances thought absolutely nothing of asking me whether he was sexually capable and able to father children.

Not wanting any bit of that conversation, I would normally reply with “How would I possibly know?” and then change the subject immediately.

I thought that these sort of inquiries would end when we were married and I became pregnant, but now the same people are asking me how my child was conceived, and if artificial means were required.

My husband is good mannered and laughs off these sort of offensive questions, but I’m afraid that I’m much more irritated. I need a proper line of defense from Miss Manners before I really blow my top.

GENTLE READER: No, no, Miss Manners would have you take an opposite tone -- that of a patient parent having a difficult conversation with a curious young child:

“Well, it’s like this: When two people love each other and want to be close ...” Then you can trail off with, “Wait -- I don’t know you well enough to be having this conversation. Surely there must be someone in your family who will explain to you how babies are made.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a physician’s office. The physician was ill several years ago and the patients could not help but notice. The physician does not discuss this illness with people.

When patients ask me directly, “How is Dr. So-and-So? Did he have illness XYZ?” I am at a loss as how to respond. I usually say, “Oh, he’s fine,” or “I’m not sure about XYZ,” and try to divert the conversation back to why they are here.

I feel uncomfortable lying, as I do know the answers to these questions. If I say something like, “You will have to ask Dr. So-and-So,” or “I’m not at liberty to discuss this with you,” it may come across as rude or like the illness is more dire than it may be. Do you have any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: “You’ll be happy to hear that all medical information in this office is kept confidential. I’ll tell him you were kind enough to be concerned, but you needn’t worry.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am uncertain how to handle the matter of a wedding registry. I don’t like the idea of a registry, but friends and family have told me that they consider not having one to be a thinly veiled cash grab, which seems even more distasteful. What would be the best way to avoid causing offense?

GENTLE READER: Really? Your relatives and friends are unable to imagine that you are not trying to extract something from them, so that if you don’t demand goods, you must be hitting them up for cash?

And that it is more unseemly not to beg than to hand over your shopping list?

Miss Manners is aware that there are indeed people who think that way, but she urges you not to succumb to them. They will just come up with other cynical judgments. Not liking the idea of a registry is an excellent reason for not having one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attend a very liberal college, and many of my classmates are passionate about decreasing the taboo surrounding mental illness. While I support this cause in spirit, I’m bothered by some of its symptoms.

Specifically, many of my peers apologize preemptively for future slights. Typically, a classmate will say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry if I’m rude to you today; I’m dealing with a depressive episode.”

I recognize that nobody is perfect, and would certainly forgive someone who apologized after being gruff. But a preemptive apology often leaves me uncertain that my peer is even planning to try to regulate his or her behavior. I also feel that any regret is insincere: Because the apologizer has yet to hurt me, I don’t think he or she can possibly acknowledge the pain I (might) feel.

Am I right to be put off, or should I catch up to the times? Is there an appropriate way to express my displeasure with such an apology without seeming to judge a friend’s struggles with mental health?

GENTLE READER: “I am so sorry. How lucky, at least, that you know in advance when you’re going to offend. I’m not sure that I am able to do that, so please forgive me if I accidentally take offense.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have dedicated myself to getting back into the habit of sending regular birthday cards to members of both my family and my husband’s family. This is a habit I was committed to years ago and slowly let dwindle away.

In my planning, I’m making a list, by month, of all birthdays to include. This list has the obvious mothers, fathers and all siblings. Who else is it appropriate to include, or inappropriate not to, beyond immediate family?

We have one niece who is still quite young, so she is going on the list. We also have grown nieces and nephews on both sides and, with the exception of one, we hardly see any of them or know what is going on in their lives. And, to add more confusion, my sister-in-law married a man who has two grown sons whom we’ve met once, maybe twice, and they also fall into the nephew category.

I truly want to get back into the habit of sending birthday wishes on a regular basis, but the last thing I want to do is offend family members by leaving someone out who should be included.

GENTLE READER: Host a family reunion. It seems the most efficient means of getting to know one’s family members -- so that a card has some actual significance when it is sent.

If that is not practical, Miss Manners suggests that you create a letter or email chain where everyone can send their own and extended family’s birth dates. If you are truly dedicated to the project, the number of cards may be extensive. But it may soon drop off as interest and reciprocation begin to wane. At which point, you may save your postage and sensibly start editing the list.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)