DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a comic book writer who has long enjoyed interacting on social media with my fans and other like-minded folks about the various superhero and science fiction movies and TV shows that are proliferating the pop culture landscape.

We come to you to rule upon the issue of “spoilers.” With the advent of DVRs, not to mention the various priorities and choices that today’s audience has, sadly, there is no longer an agreed-upon “next day over the water-cooler” type of camaraderie.

Audience members who experience the entertainment first are expected to sit on their hands until everyone has had a chance to see it. The mob has sort of informally agreed upon a week’s time to wait to discuss things, but that seems to me to fly in the face of the immediacy of social media interaction.

As a writer, I chafe at the imperfect solution of prefacing every enthusiasm with a long bar of “spoiler space” or typing the crass “SPOILER” billboard warning across what may only be intended to be a brief (albeit, admittedly, public) discussion amongst pals.

Since there are no established rules for TV and movie spoiler etiquette, any opinion on this matter by an individual is usually dismissed as subjective, which, of course, it is. How are folks supposed to account for the entire audience to be caught up without hearing from the churlish that an innocent post ruined their enjoyment?

An entire cadre of pop culture nerds eagerly awaits your response.

GENTLE READER: SPOILER: Not everyone will like Miss Manners’ answer.

She sees nothing wrong with what you deem a crass warning. By headlining public conversation with it, up-to-date fans will be able to talk freely -- and those who are delayed will have been forewarned.

Miss Manners is aware that people who spoil movie endings have been beaten up -- quite literally -- and those they have wronged deem this retaliation justified. Purposefully ruining others’ enjoyment of popular entertainment is unkind, but justifying violence as a means of counteracting it betrays a society that is clearly lacking in priorities.

In the age of immediate gratification, there seems to be no satisfactory waiting period, so Miss Manners recommends the aforementioned alerts. But she already stated that, didn’t she? See? She even spoiled her own ending.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I vacation every year in a beautiful rented condo, which we have opened to our children and one close friend.

Two separate friends have invited themselves to our condo for a week, stating they know we have room. We did not commit to either party, but I know it will come up again.

Is their request rude, or am I reading too much into it? How do I gracefully tell them this is not an option?

GENTLE READER: Inviting oneself when one is not family or explicitly given an open invitation is, Miss Manners assures you, rude. “I’m afraid that unfortunately, we do not, in fact, have room. But we would love to see you if you are in town. I am happy to recommend some nearby hotels or rentals that have similar rates to ours.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was engaged, but it didn’t work out. Now he wants back every ring he gave me: a promise ring, an engagement ring (1 carat) and a double birthstone ring (his birthstone and mine) that he bought me for Christmas.

Later he bought me a laptop, even though I told him I could wait because it was too expensive. He said, “Don’t worry.” Same for when he bought me a phone. When I said I could do with the less expensive one, he said, “Don’t worry about it.”

Months later, I wanted a vehicle towards which I had $800 saved. The one I wanted had a $2K down payment. When I told him I couldn’t afford it, he said, “Do you want it?” I said “yes,” so he paid the down payment.

Now that we’ve separated, he wants it all back, or for me to pay him back.

If someone in good faith gives a gift with no expectations, should the one that received the gifts give them back or pay for them?

GENTLE READER: Your ex-fiance is being harsh in demanding the repatriation of all presents, but this does not, Miss Manners fears, end the matter. They were not given with “no expectations”: He expected you to marry him, though not, let us hope, as a direct result of his largesse. That is why an obviously explicit present -- an engagement ring (of whatever carat) -- should always be returned.

Precisely to avoid this situation, ladies, even affianced ones, do well to avoid taking too much loot before the wedding. Otherwise, their own motives in accepting presents may be questioned, a situation that a reasonable lady would find embarrassing.

Returning everything may be the only way to clear your reputation, if doing so is a concern.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I dine at a restaurant that doesn’t provide a separate butter knife, I don’t know what to do after I use my dinner knife to cut my meat, and then want to butter a roll. The knife has pieces of meat or sauce on it, which I don’t want on my roll.

GENTLE READER: While even restaurants that claim to know better may not be up to the requirements of polite dining, even basic establishments are anesthetized to customers dropping silverware on the floor. Miss Manners is not suggesting that you do so, merely that a request for another knife will not raise any eyebrows (although it may cause your waiter to surreptitiously glance in the direction of your feet). Although the resulting utensil is unlikely to be butter-specific, it should serve your purpose.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the difference between dinner and supper?

GENTLE READER: Historically, dinner was the largest meal, served at midday. A lighter meal, supper, followed, at what we now call dinnertime. As the midday meal declined in importance, the term “dinner” began to be applied at, or after, dark.

Today, the only distinction that remains is in the calorie count: Miss Manners takes a light lunch when she is going out to dinner, but yearns for a late-night snack when it turns out to be merely a supper.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For various reasons, both practical and philosophical, we do not host large birthday parties for our children each year, instead choosing to do so every three or four years. The other years, we have quieter family celebrations. We have a large number of children, the planning of these events causes stress, and we want to teach our children moderation, manage their expectations and prevent spoiling them to excess.

This works well for our family, and I do not have opinions on whether others should do the same. However, it does seem to be popular in our area for parents to throw large, blowout celebrations for their children every year, inviting half the class or neighborhood, or more.

My children often get invited to these events and so are beneficiaries of the hosts’ generosity -- often the same hosts for many years running. It feels as if we are taking advantage of everyone’s largesse. But it does seem silly to keep my children from attending because we don’t do the same, when everyone else in their social group is attending.

I know dinner parties and other smaller events have an etiquette expectation that the guests reciprocate and take turns offering hospitality. Is this the same for children’s birthday parties? Should I be hosting more frequent events to show good manners? Or is teaching my children to attend these events with grace, gratitude and good manners my only responsibility in this situation?

GENTLE READER: Back when we were engaged in a cold war, the English language had to borrow a term from one of our allies -- ”detente” -- to describe the moderating of what would otherwise have been an all-out arms race. Vocabulary may change, but not necessarily the problems: Must you, in an age of expanding birthday parties for children, expand your own hosting -- contributing further to what Miss Manners will now dub the Cupcake Race?

Yes. And no. Reciprocity need not be exactly one to one: You are partially fulfilling your obligations with the larger parties you already throw every few years. The score can then be evened out with less burdensome invitations -- for example, inviting those hosts to more than your share of play dates.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was told at an early age that one should correspond in blue ink, including RSVPs, unless it pertains to death or a funeral. Black ink is reserved for condolences, etc. Does the color of the ink matter?

GENTLE READER: While black ink is used for condolence notes, it is also acceptable for everyday correspondence. Miss Manners can hear the sigh of relief from pen and ink manufacturers everywhere, given the abundance of black markers on the shelves.

Before they celebrate by stocking up on a wider range of colors, she hastens to remind everyone of the general agreement that darker colors -- black, blue, but also gray -- are understood to convey seriousness, something that is assumed to be lacking from the correspondence of small children, over-excited teenagers, and others who search out inks with embedded glitter.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)