DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 13 weeks pregnant, and really annoyed with my husband’s family members for constantly asking me how I feel and if I’m showing yet. I’m at the point where I am getting angry enough to try to avoid them.

I guess it’s because when I do describe how I’m feeling, they don’t listen -- almost like the question is just something that needs to be asked, and they don’t know how to react to a description of sickness.

I feel like telling them that I’m not going to answer that question anymore. I know those words are blunt, but how should I tell my husband’s mother, sister, aunts, dad, etc. to stop asking questions?

GENTLE READER: Now, now. Of all the indignities people routinely direct toward pregnant ladies, “How are you?” is not the worst. It is not even a particularly nosy question, but merely a conventional pleasantry.

There is no need to be snippy to your baby’s close relatives. However, Miss Manners will allow you to give a frank answer, such as “nauseous” or “cranky” (one word; no graphic descriptions) provided that you do it with an impishly apologetic smile. They will not be likely to press you for details. And in all fairness, you would not want them to offer folk remedies or remind you that your discomfort is worth the end result.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are looking forward to settling into our new, small community, and meeting our neighbors. We received a community-wide email from a neighbor we have yet to meet, informing us of a party they will be having, to which we are not invited (not surprised, not expected). The email was alerting us to the fact that multiple watercraft would be mooring in the community waterway, and additional cars would likely be creating traffic congestion on the street -- and “Thanks in advance for your understanding.”

How should we best respond? We do not object to a neighbor entertaining guests, but how do we convey our desire that our privacy and property be respected as they enjoy their guests in a polite, civil manner? We realize we will be living with the neighbors longer than the party, so this may be our best opportunity to develop good relations for the present and future.

GENTLE READER: Then Miss Manners suggests that you not assume that your neighbors would give uncivil, disrespectful parties unless you instructed them otherwise. You should respond by wishing them a pleasant evening.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who lost her husband. I am sending her a thank-you note, and am not sure how to address her on the envelope.

GENTLE READER: Please reassure Miss Manners that you meant a letter of condolence, not a thank-you note. Otherwise, she would not like to hear the backstory.

A widow does not change her mode of address, and changing it for her is unpleasant, as well as wrong. If she was Mrs. Ethan Winkle before the death, she still is. If she was always Ms. Harriet Ruff-Winkle, she still is.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother has a mediocre job where he makes minimal money, but he goes to work every day and tries to provide for his family. His girlfriend, who is also the mother of his 7-year-old, stays home.

She was a stay-at-home mom caring for the child, but the child has been in school for two years, and she still sits at home while he struggles to cover the basic bills.

I noticed through social media that she goes out; I noticed she has the newest phone; I noticed she posts about shopping. It is hard to watch him struggle while she does nothing. He mentions it, but she always brushes that off at family gatherings.

My husband and I support our niece by giving her gifts that will help them and offering to pay for activities, but it is very frustrating to help an able-bodied person who could easily work.

She always has an excuse. She says she wants to spend time as a family when they are all together in the evening, and on weekends she does not want to miss her daughter’s activities. There are many jobs she could work from home. She says she has trouble finding a job, and when suggestions are offered, she denies them.

It is so hard to watch my brother struggle. Any thoughts besides what we are already doing?

GENTLE READER: Undoubtedly, your brother is aware of the problem and has shared your same thoughts -- or decided that he is resigned to, or even happy with, the situation. He and his child’s mother do not need helpful admonishments or recommendations, no matter how well-intended.

Miss Manners is afraid that doing more than what you have will result in additional unneeded tension for him at home. When and if he decides that the situation is intolerable, he may well ask for your support -- and perhaps even help with caring for his daughter. Your priority now is to make sure that if it comes to that, you are someone he will still want to ask.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two months after my daughter got married, she and her husband were told that two weeks before their wedding, her husband’s brother eloped. Not wanting to take away from their day was, understandably, the reason for waiting to tell them. At the same time, they were also told that this couple was expecting.

Now they are having a celebration of their (nearly 11-month) marriage. Do we give a gift as if we are invited to a wedding, or a one-year-anniversary type gift?

GENTLE READER: How would you know the difference? Would the second be made of paper?

This couple has much to celebrate. Miss Manners commends their discretion (although it sounds like there might have been other reasons for it besides your daughter) and the fact that they are not exploiting three different events for presents -- merely combining them into one.

For that, Miss Manners is inclined to be generous. She recommends you give them something that would be useful for their many recent life changes. A bassinet that also makes coffee and cleans the house comes to mind.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When we get together with friends or neighbors for relatively informal dinners, I do not expect any help with post-dinner clearing of dishes or cleanup. I do appreciate when it is offered, but I turn it down. I have people over to enjoy their company, so I prefer to join them for conversation, and clean up after they leave.

However, when invited to others’ homes, there seems to be a silent expectation of helping the hosts clear the table, putting away leftovers, AND doing dishes/loading the dishwasher. I do always help clear the table and consolidate items at or in the sink.

But then there is sometimes body language or slamming of dishes into the dishwasher. This seems directed at me, the woman of the couple.

What is the correct etiquette? I always send thank-you notes for the hospitality of the meal and the hosts’ company. But the unspoken expectation of doing the cleanup, too, is confusing me and is kind of irking.

I understood guests to be visitors, not extra chore hands. If so, I have plenty of other chores I can assign my guests when they visit me. I can always use a bathroom scrubbing, for instance. Please educate me here.

GENTLE READER: Well, that escalated quickly -- from wanting to enjoy your guests to putting them on toilet duty.

Miss Manners sympathizes. She has found herself abandoned at dinner parties while all of the guests are in the kitchen doing the very things that you describe.

Offering to do so should not be expected, but it may be considerate at informal suppers, as long as a quorum is maintained at the table for conversation.

Your solution is to be the first to go home. That is actually a useful service to provide hosts, as people often tend to hang around after the parties’ expiration dates, especially when they are not moved from the dining room back into the living room.

But as these are friends and neighbors you see often, you could also gently remind them that you do all your own cleaning. When they offer to help you, Miss Manners suggests telling them, as you told her, that you much prefer sitting around with them. And you could add, “Besides, we all have our own ways of organizing things, and I wouldn’t want to interfere in someone else’s kitchen.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been invited to the wedding of a relative who has registered only with very expensive stores. We’re older working people on a tight budget.

I was already stressing because we won’t be able to attend. We can’t afford airfare, hotels and missing work. Now I’m worried about the gift. Is it incorrect to send a gift from a store that isn’t on the registry?

GENTLE READER: As much as bridal magazines and department stores insist otherwise, registries are not mandatory. Even more shocking: Presents are not, either, particularly when one does not attend the wedding. Miss Manners is happy to inform you, therefore, that you do not have to send a present at all. If you are feeling generous, however, a small token -- of your choosing -- will not be frowned upon. Or it will, but you may politely ignore that part.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)