DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son-in-law showed up the other day with a T-shirt that said, “Suits suck.” This is a grown man. His wife wears a suit when required, as do other members of our family.

It’s really not a big deal, as this was just a casual get-together, but still seemed tasteless and maybe even slightly confrontational.

Should I be put off by this, and should I have said something? Where does it fit in the whole manners world?

GENTLE READER: Your son-in-law is not alone in being confused about the manners surrounding the posting of someone else’s words -- whether in the form of bumper stickers, T-shirt slogans, or things taped to office doors.

Miss Manners chooses to believe that your son-in-law did not intend to be rude -- in which case his defense must be that they were not his words, but those of the shirt manufacturer. His action in wearing the shirt was, he could claim, to share the joke.

As better-known people have discovered, no one, from the human resources department to the closest relative, believes this excuse, and with good reason. Etiquette sees no important difference between words printed on your chest and those coming out of your mouth -- a point worth making to your daughter, if not directly to your son-in-law.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in the process of being offered a position at a company where the team sometimes has lunch out together. It is my desire to attend, in order to socialize and be included. If I do not regularly go, I fear I would risk not being considered an equal member of the team.

But I have many food sensitivities, and therefore am unable to order meals at restaurants. I am happy to bring my own food, but that may be frowned upon by the restaurant. Perhaps at a fast-food establishment, it could be permissible.

Please advise how I might handle this situation. Ordering food at the restaurant and dealing with the physical consequences, including missing work as a result, is not a viable option.

GENTLE READER: Attending without eating -- or ordering something simple, such as a beverage or a plain salad -- to participate in the social aspect is perfectly acceptable. The difficulty is doing so without attracting unwanted attention from new co-workers who, like your boss, but without her leverage, will think of you as probational.

No matter how much provisional goodwill your co-workers bring to the table, it is safest to assume that the details of your food sensitivities will not fascinate them. (This is true even if they find their own food sensitivities exquisitely interesting.)

Find an opportunity before the meal -- but, Miss Manners hastens to add, after you get the job -- to tell a few key co-workers that you have some boring food allergies, but even though you won’t be eating, you are so looking forward to spending time with them. If you are fortunate, those few will spread the word, sparing you tiresome probing during the meal.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father has always been a bully, using money as a way to manipulate us kids and get his way. He is controlling and pushy and does not take “no” well.

He is insisting that I have my wedding at our family’s ranch. The issue is that I was with an ex when I stated that was my dream.

My fiance’s family is not wealthy, and getting to the ranch would require them to take time off work and drive 12 hours -- with children under 2 and grandmothers in their 90s.

My fiance is not opposed to the ranch wedding, but we agree that it would be a logistical nightmare for the guests. I also hate getting bullied, and feel that as a woman in her 30s, I need to set boundaries or this will permeate our marriage.

When I bring this up, my father gets enraged and throws a fit. He has gone so far as to go back on his promise to help pay for the wedding and told me he wouldn’t pay unless I have it at the ranch.

I’m at the point where if he pulls this crap, then I am thinking about having a small backyard wedding and he won’t be invited. My fiance is furious at him for not acting with integrity, and I don’t want to escalate this. I just want to enjoy the process of planning a once-in-a-lifetime ceremony and reception with those I love. I want this to be a reflection of my and my fiance’s ideals, not my father’s. Help!

GENTLE READER: Why do you need help making this decision? Your father will only pay for a wedding at his ranch, and you don’t want it there for good reasons.

As you complain about your father using money to manipulate you, there is an easy way make him stop: Refuse to take his money. Start by declining the money for the ranch wedding, and having the wedding you want that you can afford.

Surely you didn’t think that Miss Manners could bully and manipulate your father into handing over the money for that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was given a beautiful olive dish. It has two built-in smaller vessels, which I think are for toothpicks and discarded pits. Is this right? If so, is the smaller of the two built-in compartments for the toothpicks or the pits?

While we’re at it, how does one discard an olive pit from the mouth to the appropriate chamber of the olive dish?

GENTLE READER: The rule is that a pit goes out of the mouth the same way it goes in, but it refers to situations where whatever you need to discard came in by hand or by utensil. Miss Manners can hardly expect you to impale the pit back on the toothpick. So you might consider using the larger compartment for tiny olive forks. Miss Manners is not peddling silver. Although such do exist, you can also find ones that are not more costly than toothpicks.

Both compartments could be used to hold forks and pits, or the pit can be scraped off into one and the fork deposited in the other.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I hosted a meet-and-greet for three local politicians. We spent considerable time planning the event, asking friends and neighbors to attend, and buying some light refreshments and beverages. We had about 25 people attend, and we were extremely pleased with the outcome.

I had several people contact me afterwards, saying that they were glad they attended and appreciated getting to hear these politicians. I did not hear from any of the candidates with a thank-you. I am surprised and disappointed that none of them bothered to text, email or call either of us. Where is common courtesy these days?

GENTLE READER: And where is political expediency? Do these politicians really think they have no further need of enthusiastic voters willing to work on their behalf?

Miss Manners supposes that they could claim to be too busy to perform a simple courtesy. But small gestures, such as remembering people’s names, listening to their concerns, and certainly thanking them for their support, are a large part of effective campaigning. And the business of an elected official is to pay attention to his or her constituents. So busyness would not be a wise excuse.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend invited me on a trip to see her second home. This involved her buying my airfare and paying for meals, as she knew upfront that I did not have the financial means to pay for the trip. She said from the beginning not to worry; she would take care of everything.

A few months later, she is on this line about how ungrateful I am because I didn’t send her a thank-you note, I didn’t buy her a gift, and I didn’t even offer to pay her back.

I thanked her profusely, verbally, time and time again. I can’t afford the type of gift she expects. I did send her a written thank-you note, late though it was. Why offer to do something you know you can’t afford? Am I right to feel that I am debt-free to this woman, under these circumstances?

GENTLE READER: Don’t worry; she probably feels free of you.

Miss Manners agrees that your hostess should not have lectured you about how a polite guest behaves. But then, why didn’t you behave like a polite guest? Apparently you only wrote her a letter of thanks when she pointed out its absence. And you could have sent her an inexpensive, but thoughtful, present.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My understanding is that my fiancee and I should send out thank-you notes as soon as possible after our wedding. However, some people have (very kindly) already sent us wedding presents.

My fiancee thinks we should send our thank-you notes now; I think we should wait until after the wedding, so we can talk not only about their gift, but also make references to having enjoyed seeing them at the wedding.

GENTLE READER: You are fortunate enough to be marrying a proper lady who knows what to do. Miss Manners congratulates you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)