DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I hosted a meet-and-greet for three local politicians. We spent considerable time planning the event, asking friends and neighbors to attend, and buying some light refreshments and beverages. We had about 25 people attend, and we were extremely pleased with the outcome.

I had several people contact me afterwards, saying that they were glad they attended and appreciated getting to hear these politicians. I did not hear from any of the candidates with a thank-you. I am surprised and disappointed that none of them bothered to text, email or call either of us. Where is common courtesy these days?

GENTLE READER: And where is political expediency? Do these politicians really think they have no further need of enthusiastic voters willing to work on their behalf?

Miss Manners supposes that they could claim to be too busy to perform a simple courtesy. But small gestures, such as remembering people’s names, listening to their concerns, and certainly thanking them for their support, are a large part of effective campaigning. And the business of an elected official is to pay attention to his or her constituents. So busyness would not be a wise excuse.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend invited me on a trip to see her second home. This involved her buying my airfare and paying for meals, as she knew upfront that I did not have the financial means to pay for the trip. She said from the beginning not to worry; she would take care of everything.

A few months later, she is on this line about how ungrateful I am because I didn’t send her a thank-you note, I didn’t buy her a gift, and I didn’t even offer to pay her back.

I thanked her profusely, verbally, time and time again. I can’t afford the type of gift she expects. I did send her a written thank-you note, late though it was. Why offer to do something you know you can’t afford? Am I right to feel that I am debt-free to this woman, under these circumstances?

GENTLE READER: Don’t worry; she probably feels free of you.

Miss Manners agrees that your hostess should not have lectured you about how a polite guest behaves. But then, why didn’t you behave like a polite guest? Apparently you only wrote her a letter of thanks when she pointed out its absence. And you could have sent her an inexpensive, but thoughtful, present.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My understanding is that my fiancee and I should send out thank-you notes as soon as possible after our wedding. However, some people have (very kindly) already sent us wedding presents.

My fiancee thinks we should send our thank-you notes now; I think we should wait until after the wedding, so we can talk not only about their gift, but also make references to having enjoyed seeing them at the wedding.

GENTLE READER: You are fortunate enough to be marrying a proper lady who knows what to do. Miss Manners congratulates you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Because some of our friends are moving to another state, we thought a small/medium-sized going-away gathering would be nice. We offered, and they accepted. We then offered for our friends to invite a few more people from their careers whom we don’t know.

We got a list of 18 additional people they would like to invite! We were expecting to host about 12 to 14 people, total. Their request adds significant effort and cost, as well as not fitting in the venue (our house).

How do we let them know this wasn’t our intention and ask them to scale back? We thought maybe they could contribute to the cost, but really, there isn’t space. Help!

GENTLE READER: There is no polite way to walk back your offer without taking partial blame for its misinterpretation. “Oh dear, I am afraid that I didn’t think it through, and that our party might be uncomfortable and overcrowded with so many people. Would it be possible to trim the list a bit? Maybe just good friends from work that you also see outside of it?”

If this is met with resistance, Miss Manners suggests that you pray for good weather -- or sturdy tents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a minister who performs many marriage ceremonies. Usually, the couples will invite me to a rehearsal dinner, either verbally or via other informal means, such as text or email. Most people around here aren’t particularly fancy, and an informal invitation to a casual dinner suits us just fine.

The problem is that they almost never mention if my wife is also invited. I don’t think it’s an intentional slight; rather, I think they are assuming that by inviting me, they are inviting my wife de facto. And when I show up to the rehearsal alone, I’m almost always asked by the bride, “Where’s Charlene? I was hoping she’d join us afterwards for dinner.”

My wife says she is not offended, and has no druthers on whether she attends or not, but she will not attend unless she is certain the invitation includes her. While I must attend the rehearsal, I would rather not attend the dinner afterwards if my wife isn’t with me.

Should we just assume that the invitation is meant for both of us? Or is there a tactful way to find out if my wife is invited?

GENTLE READER: Your wife is right to be hesitant. A rehearsal and a rehearsal dinner are two very different things: One is your work, and the other social. It would be odd for your wife to accompany you to work under the assumption that she might be asked to the party afterwards -- especially if she is not.

If these dinner invitations are impromptu, there is little you can do. If, however, they are issued in advance, but omit the explicit inclusion of your wife, you may add as you accept: “Charlene sends her best wishes to you both.” Miss Manners feels fairly certain that an extension of the invitation will follow.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends with Bri for over 25 years. We became especially close as she fought, and won, a battle with breast cancer.

She and her husband have enjoyed great financial success. I’m happy for them, but our friendship has begun to suffer, sparked by Bri’s flaunting her money.

I am newly retired and have a comfortable income, but am on a budget. Bri buys very expensive clothing and especially purses, spending thousands on just one. She shops constantly, a new item every time I see her. I would never spend $5,000 for a purse.

She makes snarky remarks about my being cheap. I ignore this, but then she embarrassed me in front of her daughter-in-law by offering me a job, smirking, saying that I had financial problems.

I was shocked, as I’d never said that, nor is it true! I responded that I wouldn’t have retired if I didn’t have the money to do so. I have a very comfortable retirement income, but that’s none of her business!

The time has come to end this relationship, so I’ve decided to pass on Bri’s future invitations to socialize. How do I proceed?

GENTLE READER: Politely decline the invitations without excuse. And then ignore the inevitable rumors she spreads about the reasons why.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are limited on the amount of guests we can invite to my daughter’s wedding, since the venue is tight. One friend responded “yes” to both the engagement party and bridal shower, but pulled a no-show to one and canceled last minute to the other.

I don’t feel obligated to include her at the wedding, but my daughter is worried since she has already received a save-the-date. Should she get an invite?

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, Miss Manners has to agree with your daughter. A save-the-date is an obligation on the part of its sender to follow up with an invitation.

Responding in the affirmative is an obligation for the guest to attend, and as that part of the contract has been repeatedly violated, Miss Manners will permit you to amend yours.

After the invitation is sent, contact your friend, expressing extreme concern that two emergencies in close proximity must have been difficult on her and hope that her troubles will be over in time for you to see her at the wedding. If she does not confirm, you will convey regret to her and secretly rejoice in discreetly opening another spot for a presumably more grateful and reliable guest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the only girl in my family, with three brothers. My mom asked me if I would give her a retirement party next year.

I’m happy to do it, but financially, I cannot shoulder all the responsibilities on my own. I politely solicited assistance from my brothers, to no avail. Is it tacky to ask mom for financial assistance with her own party?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but it was equally unseemly for her to demand one. Tell your mother that you would love to host it in her home, but require her assistance in getting the menu just right. And, Miss Manners recommends, in nagging your brothers to help.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)