DEAR MISS MANNERS: If you are invited to someone’s home for drinks and appetizers, how do you know when it is time for you to leave?

GENTLE READER: Before dinner is served or the hosts go to bed. As Miss Manners fears that seeing such activities is an indication you have already overstayed, she recommends keeping a discreet eye on the other guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter, a Protestant, is engaged to be married to a Roman Catholic. One of her bridesmaids is now backing out of being an attendant because the marriage violates her conscience. The bridesmaid’s husband is also not supporting this interfaith marriage due to his strong religious beliefs.

However, in the same letter where the bridesmaid sorrowfully declined fulfilling her commitment to be a bridesmaid, they ask if they may still be permitted to attend the wedding. The harsh judgment exhibited by this lifelong friend has grieved my daughter, and she doesn’t especially want the couple to attend. How should we respond to them?

GENTLE READER: Protest is the ax of the body politic: It is sometimes necessary to fight entrenched injustice, but people who wield it should watch out for unguarded fingers and toes.

Your daughter’s bridesmaid is free to protest against the Catholic Church, but she cannot, in this particular case, do so without also implicitly questioning your daughter’s judgment in wanting to honor her fiance’s faith. As that is a serious insult, your daughter is right to drop her from the guest list.

The bridesmaid will no doubt say that that was not her intention, but Miss Manners’ patience with the frankly illogical has, of late, been under strain. Religious objections are quickly becoming a national sport.

Such objections can be made with good or bad motives, but let us not pretend that the motive is neutral. Your daughter should send her bridesmaid a written note saying how sorry she is that the bridesmaid is unable to overlook her objections to the church this once. And, that being the case, she should add that it would be best for all if the bridesmaid did not attend. This will avoid conflict with family, guests -- and at least one priest -- whose faith is deeply held.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there still a measurement that’s considered “proper” for how close a stamp is placed to the top and the right side of an envelope? I seem to remember that years ago, correct placement was considered proper etiquette.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette governs behavior among people, a fact obscured by the public’s -- though not etiquette’s -- obsession with the disposition of the silverware.

As the stamp is now more likely to interact with a machine at the post office than a clerk, it need only be in reasonable reach of that machine.

But as the recipient of the letter may see it before it lands in the trash, Miss Manners counsels that the stamp not be placed so as to draw unwanted attention on its way out. It should be far enough from the edges that it will not detach, and even enough that it does not suggest the poster was in no condition to be writing letters.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a girl who has fallen head-over-heels in love with a man around twice her age. As might be expected, my enormous, religious, rather stuffy family finds him objectionable. I understand this sentiment and harbor no ill will towards them, but I have been living with him for two years and am considering marriage.

Without the support of my family, I am not in a position to afford a wedding, nor do I have enough people in my life without them for a proper wedding party and such. I am considering elopement, but I want to do it in the most gracious way possible, and maybe invite a few close friends. I don’t imagine my family would bring me joy on this day, and I don’t know if I want to invite them. Besides, I could not afford a wedding large enough to accommodate all of them. And I’m no longer religious, which may offend some.

What would your advice be on dealing with the inevitable hurt feelings that would arise from excluding my family from my wedding? Should I forego the elopement altogether, suck it up and have a wedding with my family?

And how ought I alert my extended family about the marriage if I elope? Is it even possible to politely state: “I am now married, you were only excluded for budgetary reasons, and I don’t want a gift from you; here is a nice picture of us”?

I’m still not even sure if I’m married to the idea of tying the knot. All the potential for hurt feelings seems like more trouble than it might be worth!

GENTLE READER: Wait a minute. Did you just reveal ambiguity about the marriage itself? Miss Manners is not your therapist, but she knows enough to say that the answer to that is: Then don’t. Not unless you are sure.

However, she is your etiquette adviser, and will address the question of how to elope tactfully.

Elopements are characterized by secrecy and defiance of restraints, and you have both elements. But they also suggest a passionate abandonment of expectations, whether it is by lovers desperate to be married, or by a wife equally desperate to exchange her husband for her lover.

You needn’t arrange a nocturnal flight via a ladder at your bedroom window (which would be weird, as it is apparently also your fiance’s bedroom). But what will help inspire sympathy is the charm of romantic recklessness.

What you have suggested instead would be merely a very small wedding, with friends, but no relatives. So yes, the relatives would be bound to feel the insult of being excluded on top of the injury of having their disapproval defied.

Instead, why don’t you run to City Hall or whatever, with only one or two close friends, if any? Afterwards, confess to your family that you and Clarence just couldn’t bear not to be married and couldn’t wait. Ardent love stories tend to soften hearts.

And save the celebration for later, when you can invite everyone and they have come to realize that objections are now futile.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When two acquaintances passed away, neither had a published obituary anywhere. Not on social media, not at any funeral home website, not in a newspaper, nor any information sent by mail. It made me sad that the story of their lives would go unmarked, but it also made it impossible to send flowers to any service or make a donation of their choosing.

Has this become too expensive? Or are obituaries just an old-fashioned custom?

GENTLE READER: Death rituals are changing, but what Miss Manners mostly sees is the opposite of your experience: celebratory parties; collections of flowers, balloons and teddy bears; even the re-staging of a favorite activity of the deceased, such as a sporting event.

She sympathized back when it was felt that the standard clergy-directed tradition was not personal enough. Speakers were added who could speak about the person’s life, with varying success. Some are skillful in evoking examples of important qualities and charming foibles. Others prefer to talk about how much their late friend admired them.

But all this began to turn into entertainment, and now often evolves into celebrations where mourning is supposed to be banished in favor of appreciation. Light memories are part of grieving, but they are not sufficient, especially when the loss is fresh.

Miss Manners doesn’t wonder that the bereaved are confused, and may not be up to orchestrating such events. However, ritual is of great importance and comfort when dealing with overwhelming emotion. Without a focus point, there is no outlet to express grief or offer sympathy.

What is needed is a combination of the personal, where the individual’s contributions and qualities are recognized, and the traditional, in which the inevitable tragedy of death is acknowledged. There may be amusing moments, but the occasion must be recognized as serious and difficult.

What is unbearable is the thought that someone can leave life without a trace.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an adult who is not on any social media. My theory is, if you love me, you’ll call me. I don’t feel the need to see what everyone is doing 24 hours a day.

With that being said, I have friends who feel they have to check their phones during dinner ”with the girls.”

I sat the other night with three grown women continually checking their phones, showing me pictures of people I don’t know or care about. I go to dinner with friends to be with them, not their phones.

Apparently it showed on my face, because one of the girls called me the next day to see if I was OK. I did not say anything; I know I should. I realize that they feel social media is important to keeping up with people, but there is a place and time.

GENTLE READER: One friend did call you when she saw that you were upset. Of course you should have told her -- instead of Miss Manners -- why. You should tell all of them.

It is not insulting to say, “Well, I really would like to be with you. Can we have a no-phones meal where we can talk without interruptions?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)