DEAR MISS MANNERS: I frequently fly an airline that boards passengers in groups, numbered one through nine, and through two boarding lanes. The lanes are divided by plastic cones and ropes, even though the entrances to the lanes are not blocked. One boarding lane is for Groups 1 through 4, and the other lane is for Groups 5 through 9.

It would be most efficient for Group 1 and Group 5 to line up in their respective boarding lanes even before boarding starts, as those groups board first. Instead, by custom, all passengers wait in the gate area, which becomes crowded and chaotic.

Whenever I am in Group 1 or 5, would it be mannerly for me to go ahead and enter my group’s boarding lane, as long as nobody is blocking the entrance? Or may I suggest to other passengers in my group that we line up in our boarding lane? I don’t want to be a busybody, but surely this procedure would be less stressful for everyone than waiting in a chaotic crowd.

GENTLE READER: One would think. Miss Manners herself sees nothing wrong with attempting what you suggest, but warns you that it may be met with resistance, or worse. Those in charge of such things will likely caution you against it “for your own safety” -- in other words, protection from the passengers who did not think of it first.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I have been together for 20 years. During this time, his daughter, who lives out of state, will call and talk about herself for as many minutes as her father or I will listen. She never asks about our well-being or lives.

Additionally, there have been several times over the years where she has treated me very rudely (getting drunk while a houseguest; hanging up on me when I stated that I needed to get off the phone). However, there is never an apology, only a deflection.

I’ve gotten to the point where I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of her selfish behavior and total lack of interest in me or her father’s life. It feels like self-abuse to continue to listen to her, always on her terms.

I don’t expect her to change, but I would greatly appreciate your ideas on how to protect myself, as I need to be able to interact with her for my partner’s sake.

GENTLE READER: After 20 years in your situation, one could reasonably be considered a de facto parent, especially when it comes to offering advice.

Miss Manners is guessing, however, that that is not the case here. She therefore recommends that you listen politely when no other choice is offered -- and otherwise practice repeating the phrase, “Let me go get your father.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are the bridegroom’s parents responsible for?

GENTLE READER: The bridegroom. Specifically, that he shows up in the same or better condition than that in which the bride originally found him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one gracefully handle eating something that is over-sauced, over-dressed, or just plain messy?

Despite careful ordering and a concerted effort not to take too big of a bite, one still finds that a single napkin occasionally isn’t enough, especially where paper napkins are offered. I find myself on dates or out with friends with what seems like an enormous pile of ugly, soiled paper, and I never quite know what to do with it, or when enough is enough.

I usually try and offer a quick joke such as, “Wow, I guess they take ‘messy but good’ seriously here,” to indicate that I’m aware I have used a voluminous amount of napkins. Short of giving up and walking out soiled, or running to the washroom every five minutes, is there a better way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: It is striking to Miss Manners that many of her Gentle Readers’ food questions carry the implicit assumption that skipping a food will have dire consequences. In some cases it may, but often it does not.

She says this without any intention of belittling your question, which is perfectly valid, but to point out that your survival does not depend on ordering the ribs. At an informal dinner with friends, when they are making an equal mess, indulge, so long as you keep your dirty napkin pile as neat and compact as practical. On a first date or at a business meal, order the salad.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should one place money inside when giving a gift of a wallet or purse?

GENTLE READER: No. Even if Miss Manners did not already object to cash gifts, she notes that it is preferable to make a present look new, rather than lived-in. And to avoid leaving the recipient with the fear that he has picked your pocket.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a widower, dating a woman who is also widowed, for the past year. Our relationship is casual for the time being, but may grow into something more down the road. We only see each other about twice a month because of distance and family obligations.

She has been invited to her grandniece’s wedding and asked if I would be her plus-one. Now, I have never met the bride or her family. Am I under any obligation, as a plus-one, to give a gift to the bride and groom?

GENTLE READER: Presents are not, strictly speaking, mandatory, but when they are given, the general custom is: one invitation, one gift. Your date’s present is therefore sufficient to cover you both, although you might wish to ascertain -- discreetly -- if her attachment to you is sufficiently strong to motivate her to append your name on the card.

This is best done indirectly, by telling the lady that, as you do not yet know the bride or bridegroom, you would like to contribute to her present, relying on her knowledge of what the recipients would appreciate.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family has been arguing about this for quite a while now: Does the spork go on the left or the right of the plate, or neither? My brother and I agree that it goes on the top of the dish.

GENTLE READER: The spork (also known to Edward Lear fans as the runcible spoon) exists for situations in which more specialized utensils are inconvenient -- as, for example, when the serving establishment wishes to conserve plastic, or when the diner is balancing a plate of soupy pork and beans on her knees while keeping alert for passing bears.

It is therefore not often seen in a table setting. This does not deter Miss Manners, who decrees that the placement depends upon the company -- not the guests, in this case, but the other utensils being used.

If it is meant for dessert, it should be placed above the plate. But if it is the only utensil provided for the meal, it should go to the left, in place of the fork.

Her reasoning is twofold: First, a lone fork is more common than a lone spoon; and second, for those of us over the age of 3, the function of the fork is more important than that of the spoon. Miss Manners recognizes that this makes no allowance for all-liquid dinners, but she has to go, as she sees the bear coming.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When our daughter was born, seven years ago, my father-in-law gifted her with his mother’s lovely diamond engagement ring. At what age would it be appropriate for a young lady to wear such a piece of jewelry?

GENTLE READER: Your daughter’s response, Miss Manners would guess, is, “Now!” But not being 7, she disagrees.

Advanced jewelry (defined, for this purpose, as “anything other than a plastic tiara”) is reserved for serious, formal occasions, and there is a presumption that a child, charming though you may find her when she is licking icing off her fingers at the kitchen table, is not yet up to the task.

While that ban does relax as the child ages and the events become more weighty, an engagement ring has a specific significance. Your father-in-law presumably hoped she would someday wear it as her own wedding ring -- which, whether or not you share that hope, is an answer you can give to save yourself the heartache of hoping it will come home on your daughter rather than being lost behind a seat on the school bus.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am invited to a 50th birthday luncheon for a girlfriend, and the invite says, “no gifts, please.” What can I do instead?

GENTLE READER: Bring your most winning smile.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)