DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family has been arguing about this for quite a while now: Does the spork go on the left or the right of the plate, or neither? My brother and I agree that it goes on the top of the dish.

GENTLE READER: The spork (also known to Edward Lear fans as the runcible spoon) exists for situations in which more specialized utensils are inconvenient -- as, for example, when the serving establishment wishes to conserve plastic, or when the diner is balancing a plate of soupy pork and beans on her knees while keeping alert for passing bears.

It is therefore not often seen in a table setting. This does not deter Miss Manners, who decrees that the placement depends upon the company -- not the guests, in this case, but the other utensils being used.

If it is meant for dessert, it should be placed above the plate. But if it is the only utensil provided for the meal, it should go to the left, in place of the fork.

Her reasoning is twofold: First, a lone fork is more common than a lone spoon; and second, for those of us over the age of 3, the function of the fork is more important than that of the spoon. Miss Manners recognizes that this makes no allowance for all-liquid dinners, but she has to go, as she sees the bear coming.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When our daughter was born, seven years ago, my father-in-law gifted her with his mother’s lovely diamond engagement ring. At what age would it be appropriate for a young lady to wear such a piece of jewelry?

GENTLE READER: Your daughter’s response, Miss Manners would guess, is, “Now!” But not being 7, she disagrees.

Advanced jewelry (defined, for this purpose, as “anything other than a plastic tiara”) is reserved for serious, formal occasions, and there is a presumption that a child, charming though you may find her when she is licking icing off her fingers at the kitchen table, is not yet up to the task.

While that ban does relax as the child ages and the events become more weighty, an engagement ring has a specific significance. Your father-in-law presumably hoped she would someday wear it as her own wedding ring -- which, whether or not you share that hope, is an answer you can give to save yourself the heartache of hoping it will come home on your daughter rather than being lost behind a seat on the school bus.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am invited to a 50th birthday luncheon for a girlfriend, and the invite says, “no gifts, please.” What can I do instead?

GENTLE READER: Bring your most winning smile.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my husband’s request, I agreed to ask friends to make a contribution, in his name, to a drama scholarship fund. Due to the amount raised in his name, he was given the opportunity to act in a short one-act play, written by a well-known playwright and starring a well-known actor, in our city.

I’ve told him he should send thank-you notes (or emails) to each of the friends who contributed. He answered that saying “thank you” to them personally was enough. I know a note would be appreciated, so I ended up writing emails myself. Do you think he should send thank-you notes?

GENTLE READER: He’ll get back to these people, you may be sure. Just wait until the show he is in is scheduled, and he goes after his benefactors to buy tickets.

Some may feel that he treated their contributions in an offhand manner. But even if not, Miss Manners would think that your husband would relish the opportunity to stoke their enthusiasm with a letter of gratitude for what he may describe as an exciting play.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When we invited our neighbors over for a cookout, one neighbor took an ear of corn and spun it around on top of a stick of butter that was in the butter dish on the table. I have never seen anything like this in my life.

Even my kids were shocked. Although it looks to be very efficient, this cannot be acceptable etiquette, can it?

GENTLE READER: To mess around in communal dishes? No. Your children are right to be shocked. Miss Manners joins their “Ewwww!”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Has the wedding invitation to a single person with the heading “and guest” completely gone by the wayside? This used to be included on the wedding invitations I received; I notice in the recent past it has not.

I understand bridal couples are trying to save, but this seems to be at the expense of the guest’s comfort. As a widow, of course I go to social occasions alone when I have to, but it’s much more fun if I can bring someone.

I feel like it’s just another punishment for not being part of a (married) couple. I’m alone, but not dead.

GENTLE READER: And just a wee bit defensive?

It was never an etiquette-sanctioned custom to deputize wedding guests to invite their own guests. “And guest” is an inherently rude phrase, as it means that no attempt has been made to find out the person’s name.

Married and engaged partners were always included, but perhaps, as society began to recognize stable couples who were neither, hosts gave up trying to figure out who qualified. Or perhaps they yielded to pressure from people like you, who viewed weddings as opportunities for fun that would not be provided by socializing with the couple’s friends and relatives.

It is not about punishing you. Nor is it necessarily about money. It may be about not wanting strangers at such a personal occasion.

Miss Manners urges you to regard your friends’ weddings as opportunities to meet the people they care about. Before “and guest” existed, weddings were famous for putting eligible people together and thus promoting more weddings.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It is common in my social and workplace circles to gift bottles of wine -- for hosting dinners, for celebrating birthdays, and for conveying thanks or congratulations.

My fiance does not drink at all, and I barely ever do -- a cocktail now and then, but I just don’t have a taste for wine. None of these friends and colleagues have ever seen me drinking wine. I don’t make a show out of it, but I am not secretive, either; when asked, I’ll say I just don’t really like wine, and in fact don’t drink much at all. I even have a cute line that seems to be a hit: “I prefer to eat my calories instead of drink them. Now please pass the cake!”

When I receive a gifted bottle of wine, I of course thank the giver, then set it aside to discreetly regift to someone who will actually enjoy it. I know this is what I must do forever and always, and I also know the giver is simply following convention and trying to be thoughtful (even though they’re actually being a little thoughtless).

But does Miss Manners have any suggestions for ways I can prevent this gift-mismatch? These are not situations where it is appropriate to even expect a gift, so it’s not like I can send around a wish list or registry (and I know Miss Manners doesn’t like that, anyway). How can I get it into my friends’ and co-workers’ heads that I don’t like wine?

GENTLE READER: Instead of that remark about cake, you could say that you prefer your calories in chocolates. However, people seem to have forgotten that candy and flowers are� equally conventional presents, and bottles of wine have come to be used as automatic admission tickets to social events. In Europe, this is considered insulting, as if the guest didn’t expect the host to provide a drinkable wine.

But as you point out, the intent is benign, and no real thinking is done. So you probably will have to keep passing those bottles on, like the proverbial Christmas fruitcake, hoping that they will eventually find appreciative throats.

Miss Manners shares your dislike of the custom, although not of wine.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a bridal shower for my daughter’s friend, given by her mother. The couple is having a small destination wedding, to which we are not invited. The invitation asks for “gift cards only.”

I know there are several things that are rude in this situation, but my problem is about responding to rudeness with rudeness.

I feel that it would be a personal snub to the bride to skip the event just because it’s tacky. I’m sure that if I told my friends I was not attending for those reasons, they would look at me like I was the rude one.

GENTLE READER: And you would be. Why would you want to be rude, when you find rudeness offensive?

Miss Manners does not require you to attend this shakedown -- oops, shower. You need only decline politely. It is not necessary for you to supply any reasons: just “I’m so sorry, but I won’t be able to attend,” along with your best wishes to the bride. But it is necessary to restrain yourself from broadcasting the real reason to anyone else.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)