DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am engaged to a wonderful man, and we are in the midst of planning our wedding. Two years ago, after we had been together for a year and a half, my fiance’s good friends got married. I knew the couple and had gotten together with them on multiple occasions, but my then-boyfriend was not given a plus-one.

Shortly after invitations went out, they emailed him to let him know that I was specifically not invited (no regrets were included). He attended the entire four-day event, which caused some problems in our relationship (which have since been worked out). It appears that almost every other guest had a plus-one, and they said that there were no budget restrictions.

Since then, the friends and my fiance have drifted apart, and I have only seen them once or twice (when they were very friendly, if not a little awkward).

I understand that a plus-one is the couple’s decision, but I am concerned about how to act in planning our own wedding. My fiance is adamant that they be invited, and I have agreed, but I don’t necessarily want them to play a big role or be seated close to us. He feels that they have been good friends for a long time, and deserve the appropriate respect.

What is the etiquette protocol here? Our wedding is on the larger side.

GENTLE READER: Well, then, avoid them. It would be more polite than the great pains they took to avoid you.

Miss Manners is confused, as no doubt are you, by why this couple so clearly did not want you at their wedding. The subsequent drifting apart of the relationship seems to corroborate this. Apparently, your fiance just wants to honor the history of the relationship.

In the interest of marital harmony, Miss Manners suggests that you be the bigger person and give this couple whatever title and seating your fiance requests. After politely greeting them, you may interact minimally.

Or, confuse them by being overly effusive. Either way, make sure that your behavior cannot be faulted -- and perhaps they will see in you what they have previously been missing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do I say to someone (age 67) who has an interesting, but unsuccessful, way of nose-blowing?

Instead of using the thumbs to hold the tissue under the nostrils, they are out in the universe, ready to fly. Sometimes, the tissue is held over the face in a “namaste” position.

As a result, depending on the force used, the unsightly matter exiting the nostrils often lands on the upper chest hairs or shirt because the tissue is loosely covering the nose, doing NOTHING HELPFUL.

Unfortunately, my facial expression, and the words I chose, did not help fix the problem.

GENTLE READER: No doubt. Miss Manners suggests that you offer a handkerchief. They come in all sorts of helpful sizes. Large, for example. This sacrifice may help fix both problems: containing unsightly matter and maintaining a cordial relationship with this gentleman.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have four children. We try to treat them consistently, if not equally, when it comes to gifts.

But my in-laws have started being sporadic with gifts. They will shower one child with presents and do nothing for another. The kids’ birthdays are close together, so the difference is pretty glaring.

We told them both that what they wanted to do for birthdays was up to them, and we aren’t asking for gifts, but we do ask that whatever they do be generally consistent across the children. They said they don’t have to do anything, and we should just appreciate whatever they do. They said they were offended that we even brought it up.

Are my husband and I being unreasonable to ask that if close family decide to get a birthday gift for one child, they should plan to get a birthday gift for siblings, too, when their special days roll around? It just seems mean to do for one and not another.

GENTLE READER: As your reasonable request was unreasonably ignored, Miss Manners presumes you are wondering what to do next.

Explain to your relatives that you would appreciate it if they stop giving the children presents at all. When asked why, tell the truth: that the inequality is causing the children to think that the grandparents favor one over the other.

Meanwhile, it is time to provide the children with an important life lesson. Explain to them that your in-laws may be forgetful about gifts and the children should be grateful for anything they receive.

Think of it as a way of teaching your children to be charitable about the bad behavior of others. You need not add that you disapprove of your in-laws’ behavior. Children are liable to repeat such things.

But if they are unsubtle in some ways, they are quick in others. They will know how you feel about your in-laws’ forgetfulness without being told.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to try to write neatly in handwritten cards. I really did. However, recipients always had a difficult time reading my writing, and the problem only got worse with age. I’ve taken to typing up my message and printing it on plain paper, which I paste into a blank card. I sign my name by hand.

It seems to me that being able to read my words of condolence or thanks is more important than seeing the ink on the page. I am sending a personal message in a physical card, and not just shooting off an email or sending a pre-printed greeting. But I have to ask: Am I likely to offend someone?

GENTLE READER: You are likely to offend someone -- people are easily offended these days -- but that in itself is not an indication that you have done anything wrong.

Miss Manners has no objection to your solution, although she does disagree with your premise: The purpose of a letter of thanks or condolence is clear even if the words are not, and the preference for handwriting is that it demonstrates patience and attention on the part of the writer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often eat out alone, and order a few appetizers or “small plates” dishes. When they are served, how much is polite to transfer onto my main plate?

If more than one item has been delivered to my table, I’ll often serve three or four bites of each onto my main plate at the same time. After finishing that serving, I’ll refill my plate from the serving dishes.

Is this correct, and if not, how should I be serving the food? Also, when I place my knife across the corner of my plate, while eating with my fork, for example, should the serrated side be facing outward or toward me?

GENTLE READER: The proliferation of plates in restaurants does indeed produce a conundrum for the diner. In the case of actual serving plates (larger dishes holding food for more than one diner), the custom is to transfer a complete serving.

Miss Manners recommends applying the same rule to side dishes and appetizer plates served with the main meal. In addition to the etiquette: The table is undoubtedly too small to hold all those dishes anyway; the waiter -- who has been told to rush you through the meal to make room for the next customer -- will appear, to his boss, to be doing his job; and the dishwasher will get to go home earlier.

And the cutting edge of your knife goes toward the plate as an indication that you do not plan to use it on anything except your food.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I, along with one friend, are taking a trip. We have already paid for and split the three-bedroom house three ways.

Since we have a bedroom no one will be using, my husband wants to invite two other people, but says they cannot afford to pay. He says since we have already paid, “What’s the difference?” and thinks our friend would be OK shouldering the cost for these two additional guests.

I said the cost should be divided by five, reducing the costs our friend already paid. I also was raised with an “If you can’t afford it, you don’t get it” attitude, and don’t want to pay for these two additional people. He says I’m selfish not to do so, and I should help those who can’t pay. Who is right?

GENTLE READER: You are both wrong, a formulation Miss Manners uses intentionally, even though she understands that both answers contain some justice and logic.

Your husband is wrong to think that he can change the terms of the arrangement with the original friend without consulting him or her. He can then make his argument about sunk cost to the paying friend, who is free to accept or decline.

It might help to point out that an equally logical formulation would have had you and your husband paying half of the cost for one bedroom, rather than two-thirds. Your husband will first, however, have to convince you that there is a place for charity in private life.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)