DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been married to a wonderful man for the past 10 years. We have a beautiful child together.

While my marriage is wonderful, I have an issue with my mother and my mother-in-law. For the past 10 years, my mother has listened to me vent about my mother-in-law. I have overlooked a lot of inappropriate comments from my mother-in-law toward myself and my child. She has four kids of her own, whom she does not treat fairly. My mother has been my sounding board and my support, as a mother should be.

My issue is that now, my mother has decided she is going to be personal friends with my mother-in-law. They are currently planning a trip together.

I am upset about this, and I feel she should always support her daughter. Keep in mind, my mother has told people things when she has been sworn to secrecy. Her comments seem to “slip” into her conversations. I am concerned that information regarding myself and my child will be told.

GENTLE READER: Take this as an opportunity to have an extra ally.

Miss Manners suggests that you invite them over together as much as possible -- and certainly ahead of their trip. That way, you can partake in, or at least be privy to, any inside jokes and embarrassing stories, and reduce, or at least manage, the possibility of divulging secrets.

In the event of a slip-up, a stern warning uttered to your mother in a fun and friendly way (“Oh no, Mom, you don’t want to share that! You wouldn’t want Brenda to think that you didn’t bring me up right, would you?”) will serve as fair warning -- and assure her that two can play this game.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know that proper etiquette dictates that a friend, rather than a family member, throws a baby shower, but my sister is pregnant and her best friend lives in another city.

Although she has friends in our city, most are men, and I’m skeptical that any will think to be the one to host the shower. I believe many of these friends would be more than happy to host the shower, I just don’t think it will occur to them independently to volunteer.

Is it appropriate for me, as sister of the mother-to-be, to reach out to one of my sister’s friends and ask if they’d be interested in hosting a baby shower? I know my sister would like one, and it seems more appropriate for me to find a host than for her to have to ask someone herself.

GENTLE READER: No one should ever be coerced into being a host. However, given these extenuating circumstances, Miss Manners will allow you to enlist the help of one of your sister’s friends to serve as honorary host on one condition: The friend is not given the privilege of footing the bill -- or even half of it -- unless it is genuinely offered.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a profession where I meet with clients for an hour or more in a small conference room. I have severe asthma triggered by fragrances and smoke, especially cigarette smoke.

I send a polite welcoming letter to new clients, asking them not to use scented products before coming to see me. Some ignore my request, while others try, but they use so much fragrance regularly that their clothing still reeks of it, even if they did not apply it before coming to my office.

Today, I’m having a severe reaction to cigarette smoke that’s clinging to my clothing and hair after I met with potential clients who are heavy smokers. The only physical contact I had with them was shaking their hands, but hours later, I’m still wheezing and coughing, my eyes are burning, my nose is running, my throat is scratchy and I can still smell it. This can cascade into a serious asthmatic illness.

I don’t know a polite way to tell them I can’t accept them as my clients. I have a specialty that very few people in my profession have locally, and they consulted me for my particular expertise. I feel terrible telling them I cannot accept their case, but this is affecting my health and ability to work. How do I politely tell potential new clients that I cannot work with smokers or people who wear overpowering fragrances?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette has not yet devised a way to decline a potential client for smelling bad. This may be a failure of imagination, but it is immaterial as one can instead claim that their case is too difficult (it would require more commitment of time than you currently have), too simple (and could be handled by someone without your skills), or too something else.

These are merely examples; Miss Manners relies on your expertise in the field to find ones that will fit. It does give her pause that such non-explanations have been misused historically to turn people away for reasons that were less understandable (race, gender and politics, to name a few).

And it makes her wonder -- not only for the customer who is otherwise left without your services, but also for your business -- if there is not a solution involving a larger conference room, a better air filtration system, or an open window. Or telecommunication?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance of 15 years has a son who recently got married, and asked his dad and mother to sit together in the church during the wedding ceremony. I was asked to sit two rows behind them, with the mother’s boyfriend.

I did not agree with this. However, what is proper?

GENTLE READER: A 15-year engagement is unusual enough to distinguish it from the boyfriend your future stepson’s mother just met. But its very unusualness may mistakenly have led the son to conclude that you and he are unlikely to have any future, legal relationship.

Miss Manners would have had no objection to your asking your fiance to intervene, as long as you had been prepared for a polite no -- possibly defended as a need to have the many ceremony participants immediately accessible.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love my neighbors, and would like to solve a recurring problem with their guests, as it creates hard feelings and frustration on my side, and likely for my neighbors as well.

They live across the street, and we are located at the end of our street. When their guests come, they invariably park directly in front of the neighbors’ house, which puts their car at the entrance to my driveway, so I can neither pull in nor back out of my driveway. Sometimes there are two cars there.

Their driveway is large enough to allow six cars to park comfortably. There is plenty of space in front of my house to park, on my side of the street, but no one ever parks there. And there are plenty of places to park even if the two spaces in front of their house at the end of my driveway were not used.

What do you recommend as a solution? My neighbor has helped to direct people to park in other places, as have I. I’ve thought of creating signs that could be put out.

GENTLE READER: It is time for a polite demonstration. Next time the problem recurs, ring the doorbell and explain that you need to get out -- and cannot.

Your neighbors, and their guests, will then need to interrupt the festivities to extricate you. This is likely to be memorable enough that it will discourage future occurrences.

Miss Manners realizes you may need to invent an errand to make this credible: insisting on getting out and then having nowhere to go will also create lasting memories -- but not ones that will solve your problem.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When, if ever, is it permissible to cut one’s food into multiple smaller bites at the same time?

I find it much more efficient to cut an entree into several pieces at once, eat them individually with my fork, then cut some more.

This works well with a stack of pancakes or a waffle. Why not for bacon, fried eggs or a choice cut of meat, even a steak or prime rib?

I find it ineffective to tarry over a single bite, put down my knife, transfer my fork from my less-dominant hand, consume the sole piece, then “wash, rinse and repeat” multiple times during the course of my meal.

Must all food be singly and deliberately savored? I’m not racing to the finish, just trying to consume my food more easily and efficiently. Can you let things slide and cut me some slack, or must I be skewered?

GENTLE READER: Unless you cook your eggs for a very long time, they are likely to slide with or without Miss Manners’ permission. But for everything else, she will say that detaching two mouthfuls at a time is allowed. The rule is not so much that every single bite be detached in a separate operation, but rather that the result not be Lego-like mounds of hot dog, Brussels sprouts and polenta.

Dietitians and nutritionists will, like Miss Manners, remind you that, as a nation, our eating habits are a good deal too efficient already.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)