DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 21-year-old woman who is very close with my 86-year-old grandmother, and I see her weekly. Sometimes when my friends come up in conversation, my grandmother will refer to the female ones as my “girlfriends.”

I refer to all my friends as “friends,” regardless of gender. I am also bisexual, which my grandmother knows and accepts, but she continues to refer to my female friends as “girlfriends,” even knowing the possibility that I could have a romantic girlfriend.

I have politely corrected her when she refers to a female friend as my girlfriend -- ”I’m not dating her, we’re just friends” -- but she continues to do it. She is in good shape, physically and mentally, and she holds progressive opinions, so it’s likely not a matter of an old dog not being able to learn new tricks.

Is this an ingrained generational difference, or could I persuade her differently?

GENTLE READER: No, and probably not.

The fact is that even now, many people, young and old, use “girlfriend” in either sense -- as the female in a friendship or in a romance. You are not going to win that one.

Miss Manners suggests that you try teaching your grandmother to refer to your romantic interests as “partners” -- and try learning not to be upset if she doesn’t.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the matter with young people expecting guests to travel to far-flung destinations for weddings that could easily be celebrated locally?

My grandson’s oldest and dearest friend is getting married on Long Island, New York. The groom’s younger brother planned a bachelor party in New Orleans.

As a groomsman, my grandson has the expense of flying to New Orleans, two nights’ hotel stay, food and drinks. Then there is the wedding: tux rental and a generous gift for his best friend.

The bachelor party could have been held on Long Island or even in Manhattan, which would have eliminated airfare and hotel stays.

Have young people any sense of values? None of these people come from affluent families. All working people. Can you knock some good common sense into them?

GENTLE READER: Shouldn’t your grandson try? Did he tell the bridegroom’s brother that he regretted that he could not attend the bachelor party? Did he talk to the other groomsmen, who may have felt the same way?

Wedding industry propaganda has succeeded in making many outrageous expenses seem not only desirable, but necessary. Many bridal couples go into serious debt for their weddings.

Miss Manners believes that they are receptive because weddings -- and to a lesser extent, proms, which are also subject to ridiculous costs -- are the only really festive occasions in their lives. Everything else being strictly casual -- even work, now -- their wedding is their only chance to dress up, to participate in rituals and, one must admit, to show off.

But if others refused to go along with it, and stopped spending their money and holiday time witnessing other people’s extravagant fantasies, sense might prevail.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I correct in my belief that, circa 1800, the initials engraved on a spoon would have been those of the wife’s married name?

GENTLE READER: More likely they would be her maiden initials, as those who could collect silver began doing so before marriage. Sometimes even before the prospect of marriage, but also during long engagements.

It strikes Miss Manners as all the more practical nowadays, when long engagements have returned, whether because of elaborate wedding planning or the interruption of having children.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I meet people I do not know, they ask me what I do for a living. Most often, when I reply what subject I teach, they say, “Oh, I always hated that in college.”

To which I want to reply, “And I am sure that I would hate what your life’s passion is, too. Please tell me what it is.” But I know that would just make matters even worse, as it would put them on the spot and make them apologize. Maybe that is what they should do, but not how it should come about.

Could you please give me a reply that tells them what they said was not very nice, but at the same time not make me an enemy for life?

GENTLE READER: ”I often hear that from people who are bad at ...” whatever it is that you teach.

If you had told Miss Manners your field, she could have helped you make it more specific. For example, “I often hear this from people who have trouble figuring out a 15 percent tip.” She asks only that you deliver it with a smile and a sympathetic tone.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my daughter got married, the wedding was quite small -- immediate family only, without a reception or party. The ceremony was at our house, and she left afterwards for the city where she and her husband live.

Shortly after, she sent out wedding announcements to her close friends and our friends/family. It was a simple announcement without any mention of gift registries. She was concerned that including that information would appear as though she were trolling for gifts.

She has heard from only a handful of people. Her comment was that she had hoped for some sort of congratulatory note or acknowledgment.

So what is the proper response to a wedding announcement? Is she wrong to have hurt feelings? I must admit, I am somewhat disappointed and hurt, also.

GENTLE READER: That is, unfortunately, a common disappointment. Miss Manners is afraid that it has gotten so that people react to receiving wedding invitations or announcements by wondering, “Do we have to buy a present?” rather than with pleasure at the happiness of others.

And if no present is required, they feel that there is nothing to be done. And so they do nothing, omitting the decency of wishing their friends well. Your daughter has informed friends that she was married -- and they have turned away without saying anything. That they will claim that they didn’t know they were supposed to do anything is no excuse.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my male co-workers recently asked me out for supper. I agreed, thinking we were going as friends. Over dinner, he confessed he has been admiring me and had wanted to ask me out for a long time, and that he would like me to consider being his girlfriend.

Miss Manners, he is a very nice guy, but I am not interested in him as a boyfriend. What is a polite way to reject a guy? I don’t want to hurt him at all.

GENTLE READER: This couldn’t be easier: “I don’t date anyone at work.” And hope that he doesn’t admire you enough to find another job.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In older films, one sees men shaking hands with women when they are introduced or when they meet casually.

How do you explain that now, men of all ages insist on kissing women on the cheek as a form of greeting? When and why did this custom develop?

GENTLE READER: Cheek kissing, previously relegated to intimate friends and relatives pre-World War II, started running rampant in the 1960s with the social revolution. Presumably, it was an attempt at ridding society of class distinctions. Unfortunately, those distinctions -- amongst acquaintances and in business situations -- only seem to apply to women, rarely men.

Miss Manners sincerely believes that a number of confusing and unwanted interactions could be avoided if we all agreed to keep our lips to ourselves, at least until some degree of intimacy is agreed upon. A second meeting would be a start.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For our wedding, my fiance and I chose to include not only family, but also friends and co-workers. We come from different cultures (South Asian and Russian), and in mine, individuals are not generally given a plus-one unless they are engaged or married.

This is something we were in agreement about when inviting individuals from both sides. Invitations were sent out several months ago (it will be a destination wedding for many), and the deadline is nearing.

Certain individuals from my work who originally RSVP’d as “yes,” and who were single at the time, are asking if they can bring a plus-one as they are in new relationships. Other co-workers were only given plus-ones if they were engaged, married or in domestic partnerships.

It puts me in an awkward place to say no. Additionally, our wedding is a formal, black-tie affair, and costs approximately $250 a plate. I don’t want to be rude or make someone upset that they cannot bring a date, but the additional costs associated make it difficult. (I am also not sure if I want strangers at the wedding.) There are other co-workers who are single and who are coming, who also were not given plus-ones.

How do we handle this without hurt feelings or being rude? Some of these co-workers have never been to a South Asian wedding, and want to share the experience with their significant others.

GENTLE READER: Not wanting to have strangers at your wedding does not have to be a parenthetical. As a rule, it far outweighs the one that involves you balking at the cost of having them.

That couples must be in a long-term and/or established relationship in order to be invited is perfectly reasonable. In fact, when it comes to secondary guests at your wedding (such as children and pets), Miss Manners allows you to make any criterion that you like -- as long as it is universal. And if that rule goes on to produce new engagements, by forcing your guests to socialize, your co-workers may then thank you -- or blame you -- for the push in that direction.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)