DEAR MISS MANNERS: For 50-plus years, I went to work in jeans and T-shirts. Typically, the only winter coat I could afford was a nice insulated sweatshirt.

But a few years ago, at age 67, I landed my dream job. It pays well, too. It is amusing that, even though my work ethic and abilities did not change one whit, people view me entirely differently because of the title, the secretary and the clothes.

Miss Manners, how would you recommend I answer questions like, “What a lovely dress; what is it made of?” or, “Where did you get those fabulous shoes?”

The truthful answers are “cashmere” and “They are custom-made.” I would prefer to deflect these questions, but brushing them off seems patronizing.

How do people who are accustomed to being well-off gracefully handle such questions?

GENTLE READER: Not every question has to be answered, and not every answer has to be relevant. Miss Manners can suggest a variety of remarks to make -- ”I’m glad you like it,” “Thank you; it’s really soft,” “They’re comfortable, too” -- before you change the subject to the day’s business.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When the British eat soup, they spoon away from themselves. Why do Americans spoon towards themselves?

GENTLE READER: They don’t. At least, polite Americans do not.

Lest you think that Miss Manners endorses British table manners for Americans, let her assure you to the contrary. In that matter of switching the fork to the right hand, the American method is the more traditional one, imported when it was still practiced in Europe, but later abandoned there in the interest of speed.

But no one of sense, American or British, would think it wise to push hot liquid in one’s own direction.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend in another country who I correspond with regularly via email. We talk of life and love and her children and personal dilemmas, and do our best to lean on each other (as all strong women should!) from a distance.

However, as our relationship carries on and new situations arise, she (a devout Christian) has increased her inclusion of religious thoughts and ideals, as well as Bible passages and, if I’m honest, quite a bit of pious preaching. While I love and respect her devotion, I find myself increasingly uncomfortable, and my responses are obviously glossing over her religious topics by a mile.

Can I ask her to refrain from the religious chat? How do I broach the subject without damaging our lovely correspondence?

GENTLE READER: That the usual method of turning away from discussion of religion would be difficult here, Miss Manners can see. Declaring your religious views personal might seem odd to someone with whom you discuss love, family, and whatever else you mean by “personal dilemmas.”

You can still do it if you put it on yourself: “I find I’m not really able to talk about religion.” But as your friend evidently considers it relevant to all aspects of her life, it would be easier just to fail to respond on that subject while you continue to address other matters.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I frequently encounter an even worse cousin of the “humble brag.”

At the three or four charity fundraising galas I attend each year, the organizations give out awards to recognize dedication, hard work and, most often, essential and generous financial support for the work we all believe in. No problem there.

The problem stems from the way in which the honorees begin their acceptance speeches. Almost to a man, they announce that they are “humbled” by the award. Now, also in attendance are many recipients of the charity work: people who have intimate knowledge of what it actually means to be “humbled.” There could be teenage single mothers kicked out of their homes by their parents, high school students from poor families attending excellent private schools on scholarship, recovering addicts, or persons with serious mental health issues.

In addition, serving the dinner are friends who also work for and believe in the charity, but who cannot afford to attend, and so supplement their incomes as waiters and waitresses. They are therefore literally waiting hand and foot on their fellow volunteers, the people who run the charities, and the honorees.

The award recipients are handed an engraved sculpture, and are then photographed and given standing ovations. That is the very opposite of being humbled; it is being exalted.

Can you advise your readers in similar situations to find a more accurate and gracious way of expressing any feelings that they are not worthy of being so honored -- other than by claiming to an audience of people who have felt the keen sting of being humbled that they, too, have now been humbled? It may only be semantics, but isn’t semantics an important part of etiquette?

GENTLE READER: Indeed. Miss Manners has always been one to oppose analyzing conventional phrases literally, but frankly, this one grates on her, too.

Yet she understands why people keep saying it. They are trying to show that despite being praised, they have not gotten too full of themselves.

A better way to do this would be to express gratitude -- first for the recognition, but then for the mission of the charity and for the many other people who contribute to it. Believable humility is acknowledging that you are one of many.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When did it become correct to use “Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe”? I am seeing it a lot. I was taught that it is always “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.”

If it is necessary to include the wife’s given name, it would appear as “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe (Jane),” correct? Am I just seriously out of date, or is including both names still incorrect?

GENTLE READER: This is a response -- and an awkward one -- to the system’s being out of date. We are in a period of transition about how to address a couple, and it has lasted much too long and provoked endless squabbles. So Miss Manners wishes people would stop improvising.

When the idea is to recognize both individuals, a correct alternative, which works whether or not the pair are married or share a surname, is to use two lines: Ms. Jane Doe/Mr. John Doe.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As you know, there’s a new form of paid accommodations, a blur between staying with friends and staying in a commercial hotel. We had an experience with “home hospitality” that was worse than staying with a fussy old relative. There were so many rules given verbally, yet critical parts were left out!

We were shown which bathroom to use, but told that all the towels on the towel bars were for “show,” and that we could use a hook behind the door (which kept our towels damp). We were unsure about the matching “show” towel on the vanity counter -- use or not?

The dining table was clearly off-limits, but the kitchen breakfast bar was also elaborately set up, and we were pointed to a small stack of paper plates for self-serve coffee and muffins. Stand-up eating? The examples could go on.

When giving a review after the stay, I’m comfortable reporting an objective comment. But when it is a clash in personal hospitality styles, what’s the kind thing to do? Alert others, or “when in Rome ...”?

GENTLE READER: No one in Rome said that you had to stand to eat your breakfast.

And for whom are the towels showing off, if not the guests?

Miss Manners approves, and even encourages, leaving reviews that warn prospective customers against a poor business. You should understand that this is not a quasi social situation, which requires kindness and tolerance, but a business transaction. If the owners did not want frank feedback, they should not have solicited it by offering up their house.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A fellow worker at my job was trying to convince me that we should stop taking credit card numbers over the phone for security reasons. It’s quite possible that she is right, but I had to point out that I would need to talk to our boss before changing the way I do my job.

She was passionate about the issue, and kept trying to get me to agree with her without any reservations. The manners issue was that she kept calling me by my first name as a way to try to convince me of her opinion.

This has happened to me before, and it drives me crazy. I feel like a zoo animal with people tapping on the glass to get my attention. The worst is when it is done by customer service representatives who I have never even met.

Can I just say, “Please stop saying my name”? Am I oversensitive, or is there a consensus on this?

GENTLE READER: Why don’t you find out? Next time you find your name being overused, politely ask the person theirs -- both first and last. Then proceed to use it, honorific followed by surname, just as frequently as the other person does. Miss Manners assures you that your question about being overly sensitive will be answered definitively -- even if it is different each time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)