MISS MANNERS: We were phoned and asked to a friend’s 70th birthday party, with details to follow. I had the date on my calendar, but didn’t receive a confirming email. So I called a friend to check the date, and she said, “Didn’t you get the email? I will send it to you,” which she did. It included a very nice invite with a dinner menu hosted by a chef.

Well! I have since received another email from the host with an invitation for another evening, which is nothing like the first one. Apparently we were not supposed to be invited to the chef-hosted evening.

I declined the second invitation, and let the host know I was confused. He has since called me twice, asking us to please come to the first dinner, saying he will make it work. We are now feeling very awkward, as we were never to be invited to the first party. My husband doesn’t want to go at all now. What is one to do?

GENTLE READER: Like your on-again, off-again host, Miss Manners senses your understandable annoyance.

Having once invited you, your host should have “made it work” when he counted the chairs and came up short -- rather than waiting for you to query him. He then compounded his mistake by telling you how difficult it was to include you in the first event. (He thought he was demonstrating the lengths he would go to make amends. You and Miss Manners heard that he would prefer you not attend.)

What to do? Your husband is correct that you should not attend an event at which you are not welcome. But your host has demonstrated remorse. Assuming you wish to continue the friendship, it is time to forgive his clumsiness -- and perhaps to say that you would really rather attend the second event.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does a gracious host deal with invited guests who arrive in really sweaty clothes (which you know, because you greeted them with a hug), arrive in excessively wet or dirty shoes, say they have bladder control problems, or are at least 400 pounds overweight?

All of these things have happened to me more than once, with different guests. These issues have led to stains on furniture or carpets that cannot be cleaned.

Must we smile as they take a seat wherever they choose, or do you have suggestions for handling these issues so we don’t have to replace the furniture every few years?

GENTLE READER: You may have missed the belated recognition by society that obesity, and the problems associated with it, should not be treated, as was too often done in the past, as a moral failing.

But Miss Manners does condemn extremism in any form, and that includes guests who do not make reasonable efforts to mitigate the impact of their conditions on their host -- or, in the case of the sweaty guests, their host’s upholstery. For the overweight guest, this means not sitting on the antique wooden chair with spindly legs; for the host, this means having suitable alternatives and, if necessary, suggesting that your guest might be more comfortable sitting here than on “that old thing.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our weekly garbage collectors frequently allow stray pieces of trash to blow out of the can or recycling bin as it is being emptied into the truck. On windy days, there are pieces of trash blowing around our neighborhood, through the streets and into people’s yards.

In some cases, I can clearly identify some pieces as mine, as they are brightly colored wrappers from ethnic foods I purchase online which are not available locally.

I clean whatever garbage I find in the street, but what is the protocol when I see what is clearly my trash in a neighbor’s yard near their home? I feel odd going into their yard and approaching their house, sometimes going into their bushes to pick up a wrapper I can see poking out, but I also feel odd leaving my trash there. I put my trash in the can at the curb, so what is my role in cleaning it up from a neighbor’s yard?

GENTLE READER: Technically, the garbage became the collector’s responsibility once pickup occurred, but Miss Manners sees your problem.

It is both charming and neighborly of you to skip down the block chasing your colorful wrappers, but you are right to fear that incidental trespassing may be misunderstood: Police have a legal right to cross jurisdictional lines in pursuit of a suspect; trash collectors, official or otherwise, do not.

The solution is to raise the issue with the garbage collectors’ bosses. Ideally, you can do this in a neighborhood group or town hall where you will, simultaneously, be publicly declaring your concern for your neighbors’ clean lawns. After that, when the next big wind occurs, shut the blinds.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boss and I eat lunch regularly at a nearby restaurant. We are there often enough that we know the staff pretty well.

One time, my boss said she’d made reservations there for a holiday lunch, in part so we could tip our favorite staff. The following day, she asked if I could cover the lunch, and I agreed.

Then on the way she asked if I could cover the holiday tips (in cash). I had no cash on me, so I declined. Then at lunch, the staff gifted us a bottle of wine and an appetizer.

When it came time to pay the bill, I did so and then my boss took the receipt from me to review. I was stunned. It appeared she was verifying that I was tipping appropriately. I’m not sure how I should have responded, as I’ve never had anything like that happen before. It’s likely something similar might occur in the future and I would like to be prepared.

GENTLE READER: A more generous (and more practical) assumption about your boss’s behavior would have been that she was checking to see how much she owed you.

A quick response of, “Oh, we can settle up tomorrow,” would have made for an easier follow-up.

As you missed that opportunity, Miss Manners recognizes that only two choices remain, and they are not mutually exclusive: asking for repayment -- which may be awkward -- and not scheduling lunches with your boss unless they are paid for by the company.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend who is constantly sharing repetitive photos on social media of her children and grandchildren. Nothing wrong with this. But how can we, as honest and genuine friends, continue to “like” the same photos and give the same accolades, over and over again, without being disingenuous?

I am rarely on Facebook, so when I miss an opportunity to praise this friend’s children’s accomplishments, she texts the information to me, so I feel obliged to comment ... again.

It’s getting tiring and, frankly, I’m feeling dishonest. I have a feeling that I’m asking a question that many honest and caring folks who use social media would appreciate an answer to.

Let me add that I am not in the least jealous or envious of this friend. I am genuinely grateful for all the good that is happening in her family. It’s the constant repetition of the need for praise that’s getting to me.

GENTLE READER: Do you remember when “sharing” was considered an act of friendship?

Neither does Miss Manners. Somehow it turned into nonstop bragging. If you paid the attention that is asked to the narrations others post of their lives, you would not have time to live your own life.

Small wonder, then, that people are starting to disconnect themselves. Many, especially among the young, do not answer telephone calls. An increasing number of people are limiting or quitting social media.

So your friend would not be justified in taking it personally if you confessed to her, apologetically, that you are weaning yourself from your devices, even to the extent that you cannot keep up with the flood of text messages. Just be sure that when you actually see her, you ask to look at pictures of her grandchildren.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My parents and I went to see an independent film that promotes a political agenda with which I don’t agree. The auteur had set up a table outside the theater and was giving away free T-shirts. Subsequently, my parents offered me one if I wanted it. When I declined, I think they felt a little insulted.

If they had given me this T-shirt as a gift, I would have thanked them, taken it, and promptly put it in the donation bin when I got home. I felt free to decline because they specified “if you want one.” Should I have treated this like a gift and just taken it?

GENTLE READER: The surface answer is that there was no insult in your declining such an offer. But they are your parents, and Miss Manners probably doesn’t need to tell you that there is a lot going on here beneath the surface.

Here is her guess at what is lurking below:

Your parents are aware that your political views differ from theirs, and hoped that the movie might help change your mind.

You agreed to go to oblige them, and perhaps to gain some insights into their thinking.

They hoped it had worked to the extent that you would wear evidence of having changed to their views. This was a probe, rather than a gift.

But it didn’t work, so they were disappointed.

Miss Manners suggests that you tell them simply that you found the film interesting, and let it go at that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)