DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the right thing to say when an old acquaintance who used to be romantically interested in you tries to reconnect? I wasn't interested then (which I said back then), and I'm not interested now.

In this case, it's an acquaintance from over a decade ago. Only God knows how he tracked me down, since I no longer have the same last name, nor do we have any mutual acquaintances.

I did decline his social media request and blocked him. He has no professional reason to connect with me, though he did try to manufacture a lame one. I felt the motivation was suspect. I don't think it's appropriate to keep in touch with men who used to be interested in me. Especially since I'm married now.

That being said, what is the polite but firm wording for dealing with people like this, should I ever need to do more than click a decline/block button?

GENTLE READER: It's a strange world, where people explicitly propose themselves as friends, and modern love stories often feature the resumption of high school crushes by people who feel they have been battered by life.

Nipping such hopes politely is not easy. There is no graceful way to say, "I don't want to be in touch with you." If you offer lame excuses, you are bound to be caught, and if you are frank, you are hurtful.

Ghosting is much derided (and practiced), but in this case you would not be ending a relationship, only declining to re-establish a tenuous one. Ignoring the request allows your admirer the face-saving supposition that you were simply careless, and while clicking to decline is definitive, it is still less harsh than telling him outright to go away.

Miss Manners gathers that you feel he might persist to the point where you have to make that clear. In that case, you should re-classify his overtures as stalking and take appropriate measures.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Could you please tell me how to eat cooked peas? Specific instructions, please.

GENTLE READER: Chase them around the plate with your fork. You will not catch all of them, but learning to accept that should make your life easier in other respects.

Oh, all right. You can run them into other foods on your plate to which they might stick, such as mashed potatoes.

Just so you don't bring up, or follow, the old ditty ("I eat my peas with honey/ I've done it all my life/ It makes the peas taste funny/ But it keeps them on the knife"), which is wrong, and which Miss Manners is tired of hearing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When the mother of the family dies, who becomes her successor? Would it be her daughter or her daughter-in-law?

GENTLE READER: The one who is willing to take on the responsibility of maintaining harmony among all members of the family, and who is willing to cede precedence gracefully if the father ever marries again.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am at a loss. I got married last year, and not even two months after we had been married, I had a woman cross some major boundaries. This woman is not a relative on either side, and she only vaguely knows my husband's family.

She wheedles invitations to family events out of people who won't tell her no. During a potluck, she cornered me and said that she knew what the gender of our first baby was and that I would be pregnant in less than a month. I was incredibly unnerved by the interaction, considering this was only the second time I had met her and my husband and I had only been back from our honeymoon for less than six weeks. I am especially unhappy about a cat-and-mouse game she played about knowing but not telling the gender of our future baby. I only have two options when it comes to children, boy or girl. I can't give birth to a litter of kittens!

She also tells me each time she sees me that she loves my laugh. She might tell me three or more times at a single event. It makes me incredibly self-conscious, and I don't know how to address that she has mentioned it beyond what is polite or even normal. (I will acknowledge that I do have a unique and distinctive laugh and regularly get comments about it from new people. But most people mention it once or twice, then move on.)

My husband and I have now discovered that we are expecting. I am dreading telling his family simply because of this woman. How do I tell her that she has crossed boundaries and I don't want to discuss my pregnancy nor my laugh with her?

GENTLE READER: Aha! So she was right about the pregnancy! Miss Manners does not think that her peculiar behavior was warranted, just that you might give her credit for calling it correctly.

She should be treated as any other over-attentive acquaintance. "You are so kind to notice my laugh and to take an interest in our lives. But I am afraid that we are not in a position to discuss personal family matters or the particulars of the baby's birth at this time." What position you are in and what time it will take place is also none of her business.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems that more and more people are looking at their phones while sitting at a red traffic light. When the light turns green, they often don't notice immediately. Not wanting to sit at a green light (or a short left-turn green arrow) and miss my turn, how long is long enough to wait before giving the first car in line a polite toot on my car horn?

GENTLE READER: "Three Mississippi."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a woman who is friends with a lovely couple. This husband and wife never say a negative word about anyone. They are kind and considerate.

The problem is that both husband and wife have the odd habit of smacking the arm of whomever is sitting next to them when they are making a point. The wife actually smacks fairly hard at times, but the husband does it, too.

I have avoided sitting next to each of them at dinner parties and neighborhood get-togethers, but it can happen if you are standing next to one of them. And often, as I am unprepared, the smack, gentle or not, comes as a bit of a shock.

I realize this is a habit that both of these fine people have acquired, but it's extremely annoying, not to mention it sometimes hurts. What is the proper response that might get it to stop?

GENTLE READER: "Owwwwww-ah!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'd like to know the proper etiquette for who pays when dining out with houseguests.

My husband and I have one set of friends who insist they should pay for meals out when we visit. Their reasoning is that they don't consider themselves to be good cooks and therefore don't cook meals for us while staying in their home. Another set insists on treating us to dinner when staying overnight in our home because we're letting them stay at our house. I want to be a good houseguest so would like to know, who is right?

GENTLE READER: Whoever claims it. Miss Manners does not object to either host's interpretation of reciprocity, as long as reciprocity is reasonably achieved.

If you are the host and are making most of the meals, it is gracious to allow your guests to take you out for a night. If, as the guest, you are constantly being treated to restaurant dinners, you should insist on at least one of those outings being by your invitation. Alternatively, you may send your host a rather generous present by way of thanks instead. Cooking lessons come to mind.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend borrowed one of my nice black dresses for her father's funeral and has yet to return it. We don't see each other that often anymore due to schedules.

Is it rude to ask for it back? I wear it for church and other occasions as well. It's been a month, and I don't want to seem insensitive.

GENTLE READER: Surely, no schedule is too full that you cannot make arrangements to see her -- especially if her father has recently died. Miss Manners recommends that you try -- and lest it seem that you have ulterior motives, that you be upfront about retrieving the dress.

"I've been thinking about you and how honored I was that I could be of use during this tragic time by lending you the dress. I'm hoping that we could find a time to get together and talk when I could also pick it up. When would be good?"

And then just make sure that when you see her, it is the second or third thing you ask about, not the first.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)