DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am at a loss. I got married last year, and not even two months after we had been married, I had a woman cross some major boundaries. This woman is not a relative on either side, and she only vaguely knows my husband's family.

She wheedles invitations to family events out of people who won't tell her no. During a potluck, she cornered me and said that she knew what the gender of our first baby was and that I would be pregnant in less than a month. I was incredibly unnerved by the interaction, considering this was only the second time I had met her and my husband and I had only been back from our honeymoon for less than six weeks. I am especially unhappy about a cat-and-mouse game she played about knowing but not telling the gender of our future baby. I only have two options when it comes to children, boy or girl. I can't give birth to a litter of kittens!

She also tells me each time she sees me that she loves my laugh. She might tell me three or more times at a single event. It makes me incredibly self-conscious, and I don't know how to address that she has mentioned it beyond what is polite or even normal. (I will acknowledge that I do have a unique and distinctive laugh and regularly get comments about it from new people. But most people mention it once or twice, then move on.)

My husband and I have now discovered that we are expecting. I am dreading telling his family simply because of this woman. How do I tell her that she has crossed boundaries and I don't want to discuss my pregnancy nor my laugh with her?

GENTLE READER: Aha! So she was right about the pregnancy! Miss Manners does not think that her peculiar behavior was warranted, just that you might give her credit for calling it correctly.

She should be treated as any other over-attentive acquaintance. "You are so kind to notice my laugh and to take an interest in our lives. But I am afraid that we are not in a position to discuss personal family matters or the particulars of the baby's birth at this time." What position you are in and what time it will take place is also none of her business.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems that more and more people are looking at their phones while sitting at a red traffic light. When the light turns green, they often don't notice immediately. Not wanting to sit at a green light (or a short left-turn green arrow) and miss my turn, how long is long enough to wait before giving the first car in line a polite toot on my car horn?

GENTLE READER: "Three Mississippi."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a woman who is friends with a lovely couple. This husband and wife never say a negative word about anyone. They are kind and considerate.

The problem is that both husband and wife have the odd habit of smacking the arm of whomever is sitting next to them when they are making a point. The wife actually smacks fairly hard at times, but the husband does it, too.

I have avoided sitting next to each of them at dinner parties and neighborhood get-togethers, but it can happen if you are standing next to one of them. And often, as I am unprepared, the smack, gentle or not, comes as a bit of a shock.

I realize this is a habit that both of these fine people have acquired, but it's extremely annoying, not to mention it sometimes hurts. What is the proper response that might get it to stop?

GENTLE READER: "Owwwwww-ah!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'd like to know the proper etiquette for who pays when dining out with houseguests.

My husband and I have one set of friends who insist they should pay for meals out when we visit. Their reasoning is that they don't consider themselves to be good cooks and therefore don't cook meals for us while staying in their home. Another set insists on treating us to dinner when staying overnight in our home because we're letting them stay at our house. I want to be a good houseguest so would like to know, who is right?

GENTLE READER: Whoever claims it. Miss Manners does not object to either host's interpretation of reciprocity, as long as reciprocity is reasonably achieved.

If you are the host and are making most of the meals, it is gracious to allow your guests to take you out for a night. If, as the guest, you are constantly being treated to restaurant dinners, you should insist on at least one of those outings being by your invitation. Alternatively, you may send your host a rather generous present by way of thanks instead. Cooking lessons come to mind.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend borrowed one of my nice black dresses for her father's funeral and has yet to return it. We don't see each other that often anymore due to schedules.

Is it rude to ask for it back? I wear it for church and other occasions as well. It's been a month, and I don't want to seem insensitive.

GENTLE READER: Surely, no schedule is too full that you cannot make arrangements to see her -- especially if her father has recently died. Miss Manners recommends that you try -- and lest it seem that you have ulterior motives, that you be upfront about retrieving the dress.

"I've been thinking about you and how honored I was that I could be of use during this tragic time by lending you the dress. I'm hoping that we could find a time to get together and talk when I could also pick it up. When would be good?"

And then just make sure that when you see her, it is the second or third thing you ask about, not the first.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I joined a committee at work that meets quarterly to decide where our company's charitable contributions will go. A group (usually six people) meets off-site at a restaurant, has lunch that the company pays for, and then meets.

At the first meeting I attended, I placed my order and, like most everybody else, it was a burger or other sandwich and fries. The food came, and after everybody got their plates I started to eat.

Within moments, I heard a throat-clearing noise that got louder quickly. I then noticed nobody was eating. A co-worker had sent her food back and we were supposed to wait until her food came back before we ate, as she said it would be rude to eat in front of her while she had nothing to eat.

So while her food would be fresh and hot when it came back, my burger and fries, and everyone else's food, would be lukewarm at best. Later, another co-worker told me not to worry about it too much, as at about every meal when they go out, this lady finds something minor wrong with her meal, sends it back, and expects everybody not to eat until after she has her remade meal.

What is the proper etiquette? Wait until the fellow diner gets their food and risk my food being cold/unappetizing because of the wait, or go ahead and eat while my food is hot and have the fellow diner eat while we are finishing up our meal and possibly be eating when everybody else is finished?

GENTLE READER: A solution that comes to mind is to do work -- and this is still work, in spite of the topic -- in the office. But Miss Manners realizes this is nowadays considered too radical an idea.

Since you were the only one eating, she infers that the more experienced co-worker who told you "not to worry" was advising you to get used to tepid food, not to having your manners corrected while you ate. This is not a dinner party where it is rude to eat before everyone has been served, unless the habitually critical lady had, as she should have, asked everyone to go ahead.

Since the person in question has herself pushed the boundaries of politeness, Miss Manners will provide an alternative solution. Salads and bread are exempt from the ban on starting before others. This does not apply to main course salads, but Miss Manners is willing to overlook that point if you are willing to eat greens instead and order your hamburger and fries to go.

The inevitable throat-clearing could then be answered with a question expressing concern for the lady's health. If she is so rude as to say that you should wait for her, you may explain that the rule does not apply to salad.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it polite for me to give a gift to a friend in front of a hopeful new friend? These two friends are each spouses to gentlemen my husband works with.

GENTLE READER: As a general rule, Miss Manners would say "no" -- unless the present is in connection with an event for which the new person would not qualify (i.e., your friend's birthday) and is delivered discreetly.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)