DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've found that I loathe staying in other people's homes. While it has become a fad to rent or be a guest in someone's home, it doesn't appeal to me. Even B&Bs give me the willies.

Even worse are visits to family when they extend invitations to stay in their home. I just don't feel comfortable. If I stay over, I always feel tense, no matter how gracious the host or hostess. In the worst cases, the accommodations are not something I would ever willingly choose, like a single bed or sleeper sofa.

The problem arises when I try to politely avoid these invitations. I usually use the excuse that I don't want to inconvenience them, but some people refuse to take that response.

Is there a more polite way to tell people I need my own space when it comes time for my nightly routine and bedding down without offending them?

GENTLE READER: "I'd love to see you, but I'm a terrible houseguest. Trust me."

They won't, of course. Politeness requires them to protest.

At that point, Miss Manners suggests saying, "Would anyone be bothered by loud noises in the night? Or sleepwalking?" (Note to lie detectors: This does not state that the person speaking shouts or sleepwalks.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have the good fortune to have a couple of wonderful friends who hosted the most wonderful baby shower for me. The shower was gorgeous and they handled absolutely everything. I cannot thank them enough and am trying to figure out how to adequately thank them in addition to a heartfelt card thanking them for their generosity. Treating them to lunch or a bottle of wine doesn't seem to do justice.

GENTLE READER: Well, you could name the child after them.

Short of that, an effusive letter and perhaps a thoughtfully chosen little present should do it -- along with the resolve, Miss Manners hastens to add, to seize the opportunity to do something for them when an occasion presents itself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I just received an invitation to an out-of-state wedding, and it reads, "Semi-Formal Attire -- Black, White or Black & White Required."

My husband doesn't own a black suit. We are traveling halfway across the country and staying at a hotel. We are already spending a great deal to attend this wedding. Not to mention buying a gift, too.

Do we need to buy a black or white suit just for this day? Would it be inappropriate to wear black pants with a white shirt and a black tweed jacket? And how about the tie, does it need to be black or white too?

GENTLE READER: What your friends are giving, in connection with the wedding ceremony, is a costume party, in which guests are instructed to dress as if they were attending a funeral.

As no one quite knows what "semi-formal" means, Miss Manners approves your suggestion, leaving the choice of black or white tie up to your husband.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am married and live in the same city as my parents. They are both retired and have eagerly embraced email -- sometimes too much. Since my parents claim that my wife and I “never answer the phone,” they send us emails, lots and lots of emails.

The issue is two-fold. First, they seem to send us emails as they think of ANYTHING. It’s almost like stream-of-consciousness. We get several from both Mom and Dad every day.

That is related to the second piece of the issue. Mom and Dad overlap emails on the same topic. They live in the same house, but it feels like they do not coordinate at all on their messages!

We include both of them when trying to coordinate any activities. My wife and I have told them more than once that our own daily activities prevent us from answering their emails right away. We are well aware that they have more free time than we do, but they don’t seem to get it. We love my parents, but answering this many emails is frustrating.

Help. Is there any way to ask them nicely to coordinate on their emails so we’re not spending time replying to so many?

GENTLE READER: Here is a phrase Miss Manners does not often say: Why don’t you suggest they start their own blog? Or at least you treat their emails as such.

The beauty about correspondence is that its frequency is up to both parties. You do not have to answer every email. If you slow down your responses, Miss Manners feels sure that even if your parents don’t slow down theirs to match the pace, they will at least afford you the opportunity to say, “Oh I didn’t think we needed to respond. Dad told us the same news yesterday, so I thought you were just posting.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a business that serves walk-in clients. Unfortunately, the powers that be tend to cut staff when they think we may be less busy.

I’m for saving the company money; however, they often guess wrong because of a variety of reasons, including not asking the staff their thoughts. Wait times get long due to the lack of staff.

I’ve been told to apologize for people’s wait. I am sorry they have to wait for their needs to be met, but I don’t feel I should be expected to apologize. It’s not my fault we don’t have enough staff. I try to be as accommodating as possible. I’ll fetch some water and snacks for bored children. But I just can’t get the words “I’m sorry” out of my mouth when it isn’t my fault.

GENTLE READER: Patrons are far more likely to be more sympathetic -- and recognize that it is the company’s fault and not yours -- if you are cognizant of their annoyance and apologize on the company’s behalf. As a bonus, the company might be more apt to listen and change their policies with consumer support and sympathy behind you.

Miss Manners therefore suggests that you think of the apology as one for a company that won’t listen to you. But then you must also resist rolling your eyes or using air quotes when issuing it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At events I'm often coerced into having my picture taken with others. Inevitably those next to me reach out to hug me for the photo, I'm sure expecting me to hug them in return.

I don't want to hug or be hugged, but this has somehow become the norm for photos, as if we're all some bonded tribe that must show our brotherhood for the camera. And if I'm wearing a suit, the jacket is raised up and makes for a terrible shot.

My theory is that the practice is an outgrowth of the festive "party pics" of the '80s where the subject was keen to show how much fun she/he was having and how much love was shared. I know; I was once one of them.

Regardless, I would like to stand and have my picture taken if I must, without being hugged by the stranger next to me. May I say, "Thanks but no hugging, please?"

GENTLE READER: Or worse. Some public figures have gotten themselves in trouble by thinking that picture-taking is an excuse to get to know their subjects better.

Photographers should take the lead here and learn to distinguish between getting people closer for a better shot and forcing people to touch. If this is not established beforehand or the subjects do not pay attention, Miss Manners advocates for the well-timed yelp of surprise. This alerts everyone that there is a problem and allows for an opportunity to announce the aforementioned no hugging policy to all.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other day, I apologized for being in someone's way at the grocery store. He smiled and said that he, himself, had been hung over before.

I think I smiled wanly and avoided eye contact when I had to navigate past him on the same shopping trip. It was an off-putting encounter -- should I have done anything else?

GENTLE READER: Responded to the accusation with, "Have you? What's it like?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I call my brother once or twice a month, he can never talk to me without interrupting to scold, correct or coach his child (age 10) -- not once, but multiple times in a 10-minute call.

When I ask for a better time to call, brother will offer no guidance. I think it is disrespectful to me as a caller and to his child as the supposed benefactor of his interventions.

My brother likes to say, "Welcome to my life," "I'm multitasking" or some other blow-off if I ask for a little concentration to our call at hand. The alternative seems to be not to call. He would probably not notice if I stopped calling him.

GENTLE READER: Next time you call, ask to speak to your nephew directly and see if the boy manages any better. You will likely get a more entertaining account of the family's goings-on and a less interrupted call.

If this backfires, however, and you find yourself at the end of an abandoned phone, Miss Manners recommends letter-writing. What it lacks in immediacy, it gains in maintaining train of thought.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)