DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have one of those camera doorbells on my front door. Consequently, I can see the comings and goings of a good friend of mine who walks my dogs a few times a week while I'm at work (she has a key to my house; the camera detects motion and begins to record and sends a live feed to my phone).

The trouble is that she doesn't always walk my dogs. I know this because the doorbell camera doesn't show her doing so. She comes over but just hangs out. Sometimes she does homework, using my printer and Wi-Fi for assignments, and sometimes she does laundry (I've freely offered these things to her).

I am paying her to walk my dogs when she does come over, as she's going through a rough patch financially. I trust her in my home; I just think she gets a little lazy and I feel taken advantage of.

I know it sounds sheepish, but I don't know how to say anything to her about this. I don't want her to think I'm spying on her with the camera, but I also don't want to pay her to come over for an hour for her own purposes.

GENTLE READER: The term "early adopter" is, to Miss Manners' thinking, a triumph of marketing over common sense. We used to use less flattering terms to describe people who buy things they know are not going to work. But it does provide an important outlet for etiquette: No one is surprised when told that a new, expensive gadget is unreliable.

Your doorbell camera may be the perfection of safety, convenience and reliability, but your friend does not know this. You can therefore express to her your frustration with your new gadget: It must be broken because it did not capture her walking the dogs all last week -- and you're confident that she must have.

Having said this, it is time to beat a hasty retreat -- to a different topic or a different room -- as the purpose is to warn your friend what you know, not to put her on the spot for a defense. Etiquette calls this technique "the dog ate my video."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my daughter was married, they invited close family and their good friends -- well, some good friends. A few of my daughter's friends work with the ex-wife. They received no card or gift from this trio. She feels they have been manipulated by the "X."

1. Should she not send a thank-you note to them?

2. Should she just send a thank-you card, thanking them for attending and celebrating?

3. Should she send a card thanking them for attending -- with a P.S.: "I fear your card/gift was lost" or something of that nature? She does not value the friendship of these three ladies, and shame on them for their lack of class and manners. What should she do? 

GENTLE READER: 4. Enjoy her honeymoon and spend her time thinking of more pleasant things. Miss Manners is as perplexed by what you consider the three ladies to have done wrong as she is by your proposed solutions. Etiquette does not require that guests give gifts, nor does it require a host to thank a guest for attending. And it certainly prohibits soliciting gifts.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Baked Alaska is vexing me ... it seems to want every sort of utensil because of all its textures.

Would the older way have been ice cream forks and perhaps dessert knives? Surely there were not actually baked Alaska spoons. What might a poor hostess with less than a full intimidating set of flatware use instead?

GENTLE READER: Baked Alaska spoons! What a good idea. And how curious that they were not invented, as that dessert was first made in the 19th century, just when the vogue for specialized silverware was raging.

Fortunately, it can be eaten anyway. Do you have ice cream forks (round bowls with wide tines)? Probably not, as that Victorian proliferation of tools so terrified diners everywhere that it has all but disappeared.

But you presumably have forks and oval spoons, which are the standard dessert service for treats that involve both something crumbly that can be cut with the side of the fork, and something gooey.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A dear friend of my family wanted to have a baby shower for me (I'm the pregnant one) and my wife. I like the idea of my wife and I celebrating our impending motherhood with a small group of friends and family, but we are both absolutely opposed to registries or even events where gifts are expected.

We are very well able to supply all our needs ourselves, and we don't want anybody to feel obligated to bring anything. If some bring gifts and others don't, I'm worried that those without gifts will feel embarrassed.

What should I tell the friend who would like to throw us the party about how to word the invitation? Also, what does one do at such a party? The baby shower activities we've read about seem a little silly.

GENTLE READER: That Miss Manners shares your feeling does not change the fact that presents and silly games are the chief characteristics of baby showers. Therefore, what you should tell your hospitable friend is how much you appreciate the offer, but that you would truly rather not have a shower, and hope to see her and your other friends for visits to meet the new baby.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I run a health care office, and I've just been solicited by a former patient to fund her further education on GoFundMe. I know this is now a "thing" to ask for money on the internet, but I am uncomfortable with this and don't want to set a precedent. She is a very sweet young woman and I support her goals, but I really don't care to participate. She lives locally and I do not wish to antagonize her, so what would be a good response to this sort of thing? I also don't want to ignore her email, which would be rude.

GENTLE READER: Is your in-box not overflowing with letters from enterprising people from all over the world, who announce that they hope they find you well and then ask for money? Do you feel rude if you delete these without replying?

Miss Manners assures you that there are only two acceptable responses to solicitations for money: 1. Ignore. Or 2. Give.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette regarding tours of your house to visitors who have never been there?

For close family members and friends, it seems obvious. But more casual guests for a dinner party or the like pose a quandary. "Would you like to see the rest of the house?" seems an obvious assumption that you will get a "yes." For some reason, it seems rude not to offer, and doing so seems like an attempt to elicit compliments.

For the record, our house is not spectacular; nobody's going to be giving tours of it when we're dead. If someone doesn't ask to see the "rest of the house" should I just let it go?

GENTLE READER: Where did you get the idea that a house tour is mandatory for all guests, on request or without? Miss Manners can think of many reasons why it is a bad idea:

It smacks of showing off.

It uproots people from sitting comfortably and makes them march around, trying not to slosh their drinks on your bedspread.

It invites nosiness and pushes even polite people to comment on your style of living -- charmingly to you, but perhaps more freely to others later.

No doubt you have exquisite taste, and you may want to show your intimate friends and relatives your new house. If you lived in Monticello, you could consider yourself obliged to allow the public limited access. But to open it to everyone is to invite judgment.

The old rule against commenting on other people's possessions has been unfortunately overwhelmed by the era of posting in the hope of "likes." And you may have noticed that those who are posting don't always like what that brings in.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I always write thank-you notes, though I rarely receive them. The act of gratitude is something that I enjoy and that brings me joy.

However, I've occasionally been chided because I prefer to write in pencil. I might make spelling or grammar mistakes, and I like to be able to correct them without making ugly marks scratching it out in pen. Is it rude to write a thank-you note in pencil? What about other casual notes/letters?

GENTLE READER: Allow Miss Manners to introduce you to a wonderful modern invention: tiny rolls of tape or bottles of liquid that whitewash mistakes made in ink.

Your correspondents should not be criticizing your letters for whatever reason, but perhaps it is because they treasure them and want to make sure that they will be able to re-read them in future years.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are the rules on tipping a proprietor of a business?

When I was served by the owner of a restaurant, I asked him what was the rule on his accepting tips (I had heard that you are not expected to tip the owner). Everyone I was with was very surprised and said you always tip for service. The owner said he gives all of his tips to his other staff.

GENTLE READER: The rule is that the owners are not tipped, and many owners are doing everything they can to repeal it.

But Miss Manners notes that this particular owner has tactfully acknowledged that without discouraging you from making a contribution. Having asked, you were obliged to do so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)