DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are American expats residing in France. Our home is bilingual: Our children speak to us in French, and we speak to them in English. It's now so automatic we don't even think about it.

Our neighbor's cousin visited us from the U.S., along with her daughter, who is our daughter's age.

While my daughter and the American girl were playing at our house, my daughter turned to me to ask me something -- I don't even recall what -- and I replied, upon which our young guest turned to me and asked (referring to my daughter), "What did she say?!"

I was taken aback and truthfully annoyed, so I replied, "I was talking to (my daughter)" and went to another room. Should I have handled it otherwise?

GENTLE READER: While you may not like the manner in which she asked, this young girl was presumably in France hoping to learn French. Asking for a translation was not unreasonable.

If the conversation was private, you should have taken pains to make it so. Or in a rare exception to the rule against holding private conversations in front of other people, replied back to your daughter in French to encourage the girl to learn. Then you could have said, nicely and with a smile, and in English, "We're hoping to encourage you to learn French and join the conversation."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I got married last month. As we were making our rounds to each table of guests, we noticed that one of our friends "no-call no-showed." While we were surprised, we assumed something came up and didn't give it much more thought.

Then, later, we got an email from this friend saying she was sorry she could not attend, but that we should not have expected her to come without her husband.

Miss Manners, we invited this friend and her husband to the wedding. When we didn't receive an RSVP by the deadline, we followed up to ask if they had received their invitation. Our friend told us that she would attend, but that her husband would be away for work and could not make it. So, we reserved a seat for her and gave her husband's seat to someone else.

Four days before the wedding, our friend had called and said that her husband's trip had been canceled, and she asked if he could still come to the wedding. We told her that we were sorry, but we had given his seat away and we had no extra room. She said she understood and that she would see us at the wedding.

Were we in the wrong here? We don't want to lose these friends, but we're not sure how to respond to this email.

GENTLE READER: "We're so sorry for the confusion, but we were under the impression from our last conversation that you would be attending. We would have so loved to see you and Horatio, but trust that we will get another chance soon."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was sent a photo of a very pregnant niece who was due in two days. The photo was shot over her head. I asked her mother if her daughter was having twins.

My sister said I was rude. I thought I was asking an honest question. Who is right?

GENTLE READER: Questions about pregnancy -- both if and how much -- are never a good idea. The penalty and embarrassment for guessing wrong, Miss Manners finds, is just too great a risk. It was still impolite of your sister/niece's mother (?) to point it out, but if she saved you from saying it directly to your niece/sister's daughter (?), then she was not wrong about the sentiment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a student, and have been for an agonizingly long time. Most of my friends are better off than I am, but have nearly always generously insisted on paying for me when we go out, waving it off as being "no trouble." They rarely want to do the things I suggest that are free or inexpensive.

While I have made up my mind to no longer go out unless I can pay for myself, something has happened that both increased my resolve and caused me to wonder about my obligations.

A few months ago, a friend of mine asked me to watch her dog and residence for her while she went out of town for a week. I've done this before for her and others, and she did offer to pay. I begged off this time because I had just returned home from a month of doing just that for two other families, but also because the last two times I have been to her house, all the guest linens were in want of a wash and her housekeeping in general is lacking (although I kept that to myself).

I've come to find out that she is very upset with me, thinking that because of the many times she has paid for me in the past, I owe her this sort of thing, and that I should probably be offering to do it for free. Moreover, she feels that because I am so often strapped for cash, I should be grabbing every job I can.

I have always thanked my friends, in person and with notes, for their generosity. I budget each year for birthday and Christmas gifts for them, and try to squeeze in an extra gift when I can, even if only homemade ones.

When I can pay for myself, I do. I have occasionally been fortunate enough to treat them to a movie and did so happily. I order from the lower or lower-middle of the menu.

In short, I try to reciprocate. I don't believe that I am obligated to be her dog sitter whenever she needs one, but maybe I am wrong. Should I be doing more?

GENTLE READER: Exactly how agonizingly long have you been a student? Never mind.

Miss Manners agrees that your friends' generosity -- however frequent -- hardly counts if it comes with demands attached. And certainly does not constitute you being an on-call dog sitter, house watcher, future au pair or indentured servant. She commends you for ceasing to accept such questionable charity.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My workplace holds somewhat frequent luncheons for various occasions -- appreciation events, semi-annual staff gatherings and others. I have several unusual food allergies and prefer not to ask others to accommodate them for catered events.

It doesn't seem proper to bring a bag lunch to eat at the event when everyone else is eating what was catered. So instead, I usually bring my own lunch to eat before or after the event, and join the event for social purposes only.

What is the proper way to indicate to others why I am not eating at the event? I sometimes say something like, "Oh, I have some odd food allergies so I ate before I came. I just wanted to come see everyone," but I'm not sure that is the best approach. What do you recommend?

GENTLE READER: Most people who ask about your abstinence are not much interested in the answer, Miss Manners assures you.

This is, after all, a company social event, a gathering that, despite its supposed "team-building" properties, is generally apt to be awkward and dull. (The non-dull parties can be very exciting, and are usually followed by even more exciting disciplinary, if not legal, proceedings.) It is enough to explain that you ate before the party, but wanted to see everyone. Unless you have run out of better topics for discussion with your co-workers while holding a warm beer, you should omit mention of your allergies.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a city renowned for its overinflated real estate values. Is there a proper response to a friend who asked for my home address when, based on the context of the conversation, it's clear that she intended to look it up on one of the many websites specializing in real estate information in order to discover its current estimated worth?

There is, of course, always the chance she might have been asking so she could send me a card or an invitation, but so far, none has been forthcoming.

This has actually happened more than once over the last year, and I have taken to providing it with an added (and truthful) note that "I carry a very large mortgage, by the way." So while they may find that these websites' home values imply that I'm wealthy, they would also be encouraged to infer that my net wealth does not approach that of the estimated home sale value on the website (which is true).

Am I being rude? It seems ruder to decline the request. And come the holidays I may receive cards from all of them, in which case I will realize the problem was me and my assumptions, not them or theirs.

GENTLE READER: Depending on how your friend intends to use the information she gleans from the web, she may be intending a future rudeness -- but it would be rude on your part to assume so in advance. Miss Manners therefore asks you to limit your answer to the immediate question, and avoid volunteering the interest rate on your mortgage, the assessed property taxes on your home or the balance of your 401(k).

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)