DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friends and I frequently have dinners where we take turns cooking. One of the members of our circle will cherry-pick and take the "best" parts of a shared dish.

The other night, I made a casserole, and she took just the baked cheesy top layer and left the bottom portion. If someone makes a beef or shrimp stir-fry, she will invariably pick out just the beef or shrimp and leave the veggies. This may sometimes leave others with less complete portions or servings for their own plates.

Is there a polite way I can bring this up? We're all very close friends, but she can be sensitive to criticism, and I don't want to say something that might hurt her feelings if I'm the one that's being overly sensitive.

GENTLE READER: Stop asking your guests to serve themselves. Arrange their plates in the kitchen -- or at a buffet table nearby if they want to make requests for light meat or dark. But this comes with a warning: No fair complaining in the kitchen about any food your guests leave untouched.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were invited to his cousin's wedding in a town 670 miles from our home. I was not even aware of the existence of this cousin prior to receiving the invitation, but we will be attending the wedding since my husband feels it is important.

Imagine my surprise then when I also received an invitation to the cousin's bridal shower. Since I had no desire to travel 670 miles in order to deliver a gift to a complete stranger, I RSVP'd my regrets regarding the shower.

Weeks later, I learned that my mother-in-law took it upon herself to send a gift to the bridal shower and signed my name to the card! What am I to make of this?

I have no idea what the gift even contained. I feel very awkward knowing a stranger, distantly related only through marriage, received a gift (possibly of questionable taste), which she attributes to me. When I finally do meet this mystery bride at her impending nuptials, am I to acknowledge the shower present, sent without my knowledge? If she brings it up, what am I to say? Should I tell my mother-in-law I wish she hadn't done that?

GENTLE READER: A mother-in-law giving you credit for a present you didn't have to buy? A distant relative having the audacity to include you in her wedding? Miss Manners is scrambling to find a true offense here.

Families and in-laws are fractured enough without looking for a fight. If you truly fear a tasteless present, you may tell the bride when you see her, "My mother-in-law was kind enough to sign our names to the present she brought for the shower. I am so sorry that I could not attend." But do not apologize for the present itself. For all you know, the bride could have registered for that saucy thing herself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Three years ago, I received an alarming and hurtful email from a friend of my mother's, blatantly stating her poor opinion of me. I do not have a good relationship with my mother, through whom this woman clearly gained her unfavorable view of me. I have never addressed the email, and simply avoided this friend of my mother's.

A week ago, I was married, having a small wedding with close family and friends. I did not invite the above-mentioned friend of my mother's, but nonetheless received a congratulatory card with cash, along with an apology letter from her.

I'm a bit put off that she would bother to send me anything, not the least an apology letter for me to receive upon my wedding three years after the insult. Is it good manners to respond to such unwelcome congratulations, and if so, must I address the apology?

I do not have any ill feelings toward her, but I do not have any friendly feelings either. I'm confused as to why she feels the need to ever contact me. I view the whole ordeal as rather bothersome and simply don't wish to be involved with her further.

GENTLE READER: Not wanting to spend more time on the matter is understandable, but if that is truly your goal, then you are going to have to spend a little more time now to avoid spending a great deal of time later.

Allow Miss Manners to demonstrate:

Option 1: Ignore the letter completely. Besides the rudeness of your doing so, your mother's friend, who is trying to check things off her "to do" list -- as well as assuage a guilty conscience -- will now have justification for putting you in the wrong when she reached out. She will complain to your mother, who will feel compelled to defend her friend -- and will have further evidence of your unreasonableness, irresponsibility, inhumanity -- take your pick. You will now have two women tormenting you instead of one.

Option 2: Send the cash back either with or without an angry note. The result will be roughly the same.

You have already considered, and dismissed, option 3 -- which is writing a thank-you note -- presumably on the theory that one letter will lead to more. But that need not be the case. A brief thank-you note assuring her that you had long since forgotten the incident and appreciate her gift and her warm regards is the quickest way out. The tone should be strictly neutral -- not overly friendly but also not unfriendly. This solution has the added benefit that it will flummox your mother. Assuming the cash is modest, you may return it if you wish. Returning gifts is generally an insult, and you don't want to start that again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught that one invites directly and without strings: "Would you like to go to the movies Saturday night?"

A friend will start off with, "What are you doing this weekend?" He is waiting for me to declare, which is an indirect way of finding out if I am available first. What is the correct way to issue an invitation?

GENTLE READER: That's what declaring Hair Wash Night is for. Should the particulars turn out to be interesting, you can always declare willingness to postpone the shampoo.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While on vacation at a theme park in Florida, I was shocked to see a mother enter the not-empty men's room shouting for her son. There was no reply.

When I suggested/requested she leave, given it was a men's room which was being used by numerous gentlemen, I was informed that she had every right to be there, and she resumed shouting for someone who was not in the facility.

I have no doubt about what the reaction would be to my entering a women's restroom even if looking for my daughter. Instead, I would politely ask a woman entering/exiting to see if my daughter (using her name) was "OK." In this day and age, I cannot imagine putting a child in any scenario where their location is in question.

Was I correct in my request? Am I wrong in my view about how to handle locating my child?

GENTLE READER: Whether or not someone was singing "It's a Small World (After All)" in your ear while this was occurring, the reminder is relevant. The mother was rude, but it would have been preferable to focus on how to help rather than how to criticize.

You could have asked the child's name and said you would be happy to go look yourself to save her any embarrassment. Miss Manners hopes that this is what would happen if you were found hovering outside a women's room holding a pink backpack, a coloring book, a child's sweater and coat -- and a worried look.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, I moved four hours away from my immediate family. We have distant cousins that live near me, but I haven't seen these cousins since I was very small, so I'm not close to them. My brother knows them better than I do.

He thought it was a good idea to give these cousins my number without my permission. If he had asked, I wouldn't have said no, but I would have liked to have been asked before he did it. I approached him politely and asked that he let me know before he gave my number out again. He said that family trumps courtesy and that I shouldn't care if he gives my number to anyone as long as it's family.

Is he right? Or is he being disrespectful to me?

GENTLE READER: Your brother's assumption -- that you would make no objection to sharing your number with your cousins -- was reasonable and therefore not disrespectful. Sharing a phone number with a family member is not the same as making it public.

But before your brother says, "I told you so," Miss Manners amends that that does not make him right to have done so. It seems strange that people erupt in anger when companies inadvertently expose private data while they are themselves busy smearing the most intimate details of their lives over every reachable electronic surface. But etiquette sees neither contradiction nor hypocrisy in this: Your right to expose yourself does not grant anyone else the right to do so. Having now learned your preference, your brother should have apologized for his mistake and agreed not to repeat it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)