DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper response when someone says thank you for doing something that they should have done themselves? For example, when we divided chores, my spouse agreed to take the trash to the curb once a week for the city collection.

However, he is always running late in the mornings, and if I don't take it out, we would not make it to work on time. Putting it out the night before does not work because of animals getting in the trash (city collects bags instead of emptying trash cans).

So, admitting that there is a whole different question about chore distribution and negotiation, when my spouse says "Thank you," do I really have to say, "You're welcome"? "My pleasure" doesn't feel right either.

GENTLE READER: "Oh, I'm sure you would do the same for me. Which reminds me, I might not get a chance to get to the laundry I was going to do tonight. Do you mind doing it this once? Thank you, that's very dear of you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do we say when people wish us a nice day? My husband and I lived in Paradise, California. As everyone knows, our town was destroyed. We lost our house, our community. We are not having a nice day.

GENTLE READER: No, nor a good morning or good evening or even a goodbye, if people should wish you that. Now that you have told Miss Manners, she extends sympathy instead, and the hope that you will see better days.

But you will help no one, including yourselves, by taking offense from others who unknowingly direct conventional phrases at you without the least intention of minimizing your tragedy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I recently found out we are having a baby. All of his family lives in another state, and due to work schedules, we will not be able to see them before the baby is born or for a while after.

Is it inappropriate to send a photo announcement to family members and friends in another state after the baby is born? I don't really post on social media, but I don't want his family to feel left out. I also don't want them to feel like we don't want to come visit and so are just "phoning it in."

GENTLE READER: Please tell Miss Manners that you are not asking whether a paper announcement is less acceptable than a social media posting.

But phoning it in is exactly the correct thing to do to the family and intimate friends. It is, in fact, the prescribed activity for a new father while the mother and baby are sleeping it off.

Announcements are for those who are presumed to be interested in the news, but are not on tenterhooks waiting to hear. Electronic ones are acceptable, although less charming than mailed ones, and individually addressed ones nicer than generalized postings.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When we go to my wife's sister's house in Florida for two weeks in the winter, she thinks I should spend all my free time inside in front of the TV with them. That is their main entertainment most days.

My wife has no problem doing this. She is not happy that last year I spent so little time with them in front of the TV. To me, if you are with family, then let's do family stuff: games, coffee, talk time etc. Can't do much talking when the TV is going.

They have a great screened-in porch with a pool that is heated. A great view of stuff going on. Great seating with nice chairs and table. I do lots of reading on the porch. I love reading and do 30 books a year, so it isn't something I just do there.

Should I waste great warm weather eight hours a day in front of the TV or just an hour or two?

GENTLE READER: If this were about youngsters passing their lives staring at screens, Miss Manners would say that it was imperative to call in the adults. How sad that this is about adults.

You have presumably tried prying your relatives away with suggestions of games or other family activities. So all Miss Manners can hope to do is to rescue you.

With your hostess putting in full days watching television, the household is probably not running entirely smoothly. As a long-term guest and relative, it would be kind of you to offer to help. Many such offers, such as running errands and gardening, would take you out into the sunshine.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother is getting married this year for the fifth time. How much do I spend on a gift?

GENTLE READER: Traditionally, presents are given only for first weddings, but try telling that to serial bridal couples.

Of course, there is nothing against doing so anyway if one is so inclined. If you are, Miss Manners can only admire your optimism. However, there have never been any rules about how much to spend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often have business colleagues stay with me in my home when they are in town for meetings. Sometimes there are multiple people, such as when the main colleague brings a student, assistant or technician.

These people may be romantically involved with each other, but I don't know them well enough to be aware of it. Sometimes there seems to be some borderline relationship and/or I'm just not clear about it.

I have two spare bedrooms, and of course I don't care if they share a room or if they want two separate ones. I just don't know how to show them to their room(s) without assuming one way or another. "Here are two spare rooms, do as you will" isn't really appropriate, nor is dancing around a simple question. I'd appreciate some words to use that will neither make me seem like a prude nor embarrass unattached colleagues.

GENTLE READER: Give them the two rooms, and stay out of the hallway.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I married my husband last May, however I have yet to change my last name. At first I used our honeymoon and the need for my passport to match my ID as a reason. Then we bought a house and I didn't want to delay our closing due to our documents not matching my name.

Now my husband keeps asking me when I am going to change my name, and I have run out of excuses. This has caused me to do some self-reflection, coming to the conclusion that I am afraid to give up my last name. I am in my early 30s and have established myself firmly in both politics and my career in the metroplex where we live. I don't want to switch my middle name for my maiden name because my sister picked out my middle name.

What is the proper etiquette for marriage in your 30s and changing your last name? Is it OK to keep both last names? Should the last names be hyphenated?

GENTLE READER: What you call yourself is entirely up to you -- not Miss Manners. What etiquette does care about is that you not chastise or lecture others for getting it wrong.

However, tact and sensitivity when presenting your decision to your husband (and sympathy for your children, if they have to juggle multi-hyphenated names) are always appreciated.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My parents frequently host longtime friends and neighbors for dessert and a chat after dinner and a movie night. Dessert is frequently cake or pie.

My mother often slices the dessert in advance of the event. I personally would prefer to see the dessert being cut, as it offers the illusion of freshness. I commented that I think she should wait until the guests have arrived before cutting so they may offer input on how big of a slice they would prefer.

She replied that since the guests are seated in the other room and the dessert is not presented as a whole, it does not matter. She added that restaurants do not usually display the entire cake before bringing you a slice.

Our friends and neighbors host my parents for the same event on alternate weeks. I asked my mother whether they wait to cut the dessert. My mother replied, yes, and that it takes almost 10 minutes. Time considerations aside, when is the correct time to cut the cake?

GENTLE READER: Before it is eaten and after it cools. Miss Manners agrees with you about seeing a cake in all its majesty and avoiding waste. But she does find it tedious to hear guests ask for "half of that", "no, half of that", "no, smaller", "no, smaller than that" until the desired crumb is achieved.

There is something about bringing out slices that makes one imagine a decoration disaster in the kitchen, or that leftovers are being served. Miss Manners suggests cupcakes or individual desserts as a compromise.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)