DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a flight where there were small children in business class, the business people did not appreciate the wiggling, screaming, crying, kicking of seats and overall disruption. The business people were trying to either rest or work. In their opinion, they purchased a premium ticket to avoid the calamities of flying coach.

After one business class passenger talked to another passenger parent about his disruptive child in first class, the parent retorted, "I purchased a ticket just like you did. My kid has every right to be here. My kid is a kid and can't help it."

Mr. Businessman snorted back at the parent, "How would you like it if I brought my grandfather, who has dementia, and seated him next to YOU in business class? He also yells, screams, soils his pants and drools. He can't help it, either. I'll also lay Grandpa in the middle of the aisle and change his diaper just like you do with your kid. I bet you wouldn't think it cute."

It got ugly, and the airline staff came to calm the situation. I did not engage in either side of the argument, remaining wide-eyed and silent, but I could see points as to why each side thought themselves correct.

I've always thought that business class was the equivalent of the "grown-up" table at Thanksgiving -- that one had to earn through proper manners and decorum the right to sit there. My personal belief is that if one is not conscious of the decorum expected in first/business class, they have no "business" being there, no matter what the age of the passenger may be.

Others believe that they paid a premium for additional space in business class and it does not matter if their child, mentally challenged companion, whatever, disrupts others. Others say to suck it up, as it's public transport.

Miss Manners, please help society with some guidelines on expected decorum in first class. What should we tolerate? We realize that we are flying at 40,000 feet in a tube with no escape hatch. We realize that some people paid a premium for extra space in business class for their wiggly young ones, and some people paid a premium for a business class seat for peace and quiet. Co-existing for these two polarities is getting on passengers' raw nerves.

GENTLE READER: Very little is succeeding in not doing that nowadays. People have gone so far as to bring their emotional support rodents to deal with the stress of it all. Miss Manners cannot help but be amused by the image of irate business class passengers seated next to actual rats, rather than imagined ones. They might start to appreciate human children.

It is public transport: There is nothing prohibitive about who sits in which class except for the cost itself. And while it is to be hoped that no diapers will be changed outside of the restrooms, your examples provide evidence that rudeness knows no age limits.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a four-hour train trip, I showed my husband some silly birthday cards I had purchased for my close women friends. These cards featured oddly dressed people -- elderly women wearing an excess of makeup and jewelry, a group of women showing cleavage and toasting the recipient of the card with very large drinks -- no nudity, no violence, no simulated sexual acts, no epithets.

The messages were "Age is just a number," "Come celebrate with your girls," "Now we put our faces on with a spackle knife." We were looking at them and giggling, NOT loudly, and discussing which to send to whom.

An elderly woman who was seated behind us with a young man who looked to be in his late teens or early 20s said, in a VERY loud voice: "I just can't believe the sort of offensive greeting cards that are being sold nowadays! I can't even imagine what sort of tasteless person would actually send such things!"

We realized that the woman must have been peering between the very narrow space between the seats or over the very high tops of the seats and eavesdropping on us.

I put the cards back into the bag and we ended that discussion, but we remained uncomfortable throughout the rest of our journey, especially since the woman glared at us every time we got up to use the restroom. Should we have apologized? I felt her own behavior was, itself, quite rude.

GENTLE READER: For what, exactly, Miss Manners wonders, would you apologize?

The temptation must have been great to say audibly to your husband, "These are so much fun. Can you believe that some people have no sense of humor?" But you did right to ignore what was said by an eaves-and-eye-dropper in a way she hoped would shield her from consequences. Take comfort in the fact that by acting as if you had not heard, her rudeness likely brought her no pleasure.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I pulled into a parking spot in a beach parking lot where a family was loading up their truck and one of the doors near the spot was open. The man pushed their unoccupied baby stroller into the spot in an attempt to prevent me from parking there. He told me that I should have parked somewhere else, since the lot was fairly empty. I feel it would have been more polite for him to have closed the door to allow me to park. How should this have been handled?

GENTLE READER: Assuming there was much to be loaded into the truck (strollers, beach toys, towels, stray children) and that maneuvering room was needed in which to do it, the proper course would have been to explain the predicament and politely ask you to re-park.

Miss Manners acknowledges that this would be less efficient than ordering you off, but it is more polite. She trusts that you moved, anyway, as there is little to be gained in fighting with a frazzled father.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a restaurant, a waitress asked me three times if I wanted dessert. This is not the only time this has happened. One waitress asked me four times. I replied firmly but politely, "No, thank you," but I find myself sorely tempted to make a rude reply.

I know that they are trained to "up-sell" and, of course, the bigger the tab, the bigger the tip. Other than telling them off, or reporting to the manager, how does one get the point across that no means no?

GENTLE READER: When grocery store checkout clerks exhibit similar behavior, they presumably have no financial interest in your preferring paper over plastic.

Miss Manners suspects that these waitresses, having so often repeated that rote question to different patrons, may simply not have been listening. This does not excuse poor service, but it does lessen the severity of the infraction, negligence being more passive than coercing you to purchase something you do not want.

The correct response is, "No, thank you," "No, thank you," "No, thank you," and "Please give me the check."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family has moved to a new area, and several kind acquaintances through church have gone out of their way to be friendly, inviting us to lunches, dinners and coffee dates.

I usually ask the inviting friends if we could meet at my house instead, because I have two young toddlers, and our house is baby-proofed with gates on stairs, latches on doors and cabinet locks; we have baby-appropriate furniture like cribs and high chairs, plus a ready supply of diapers, bottles, potties and changes of clothes. I don't mind preparing the food for the grown-up visit, and it's easier for me when the children are in a kid-safe environment.

Shall I offer a thank-you card and a reciprocal invitation, since the other friend initiated the visit to begin with? If the other friend offers another invitation, shall I accept and hope my kids don't break something valuable or dangerous? Should I just drop out of society until my kids are old enough to be gracious guests? My kids are not bad, but they are young, and accidents happen.

GENTLE READER: Thank-you notes and reciprocal invitations are for parties actually given, ignoring any prior arm wrestling that occurred over hosting duties. It is therefore up to your guests to thank you, and to reciprocate.

If they are amenable to your again co-opting the role of hostess, Miss Manners has no objection. But at some point you may wish to give your children the experience of learning how to behave as guests, if not only to give your dishwasher a rest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper type of gift to buy for expecting parents? Something for the baby (i.e., crib, stroller, clothes, etc.) or something for the parents?

GENTLE READER: Either is acceptable, although the gift everyone would most enjoy -- namely, sleep -- is unfortunately not for sale.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)