DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a restaurant, a waitress asked me three times if I wanted dessert. This is not the only time this has happened. One waitress asked me four times. I replied firmly but politely, "No, thank you," but I find myself sorely tempted to make a rude reply.

I know that they are trained to "up-sell" and, of course, the bigger the tab, the bigger the tip. Other than telling them off, or reporting to the manager, how does one get the point across that no means no?

GENTLE READER: When grocery store checkout clerks exhibit similar behavior, they presumably have no financial interest in your preferring paper over plastic.

Miss Manners suspects that these waitresses, having so often repeated that rote question to different patrons, may simply not have been listening. This does not excuse poor service, but it does lessen the severity of the infraction, negligence being more passive than coercing you to purchase something you do not want.

The correct response is, "No, thank you," "No, thank you," "No, thank you," and "Please give me the check."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family has moved to a new area, and several kind acquaintances through church have gone out of their way to be friendly, inviting us to lunches, dinners and coffee dates.

I usually ask the inviting friends if we could meet at my house instead, because I have two young toddlers, and our house is baby-proofed with gates on stairs, latches on doors and cabinet locks; we have baby-appropriate furniture like cribs and high chairs, plus a ready supply of diapers, bottles, potties and changes of clothes. I don't mind preparing the food for the grown-up visit, and it's easier for me when the children are in a kid-safe environment.

Shall I offer a thank-you card and a reciprocal invitation, since the other friend initiated the visit to begin with? If the other friend offers another invitation, shall I accept and hope my kids don't break something valuable or dangerous? Should I just drop out of society until my kids are old enough to be gracious guests? My kids are not bad, but they are young, and accidents happen.

GENTLE READER: Thank-you notes and reciprocal invitations are for parties actually given, ignoring any prior arm wrestling that occurred over hosting duties. It is therefore up to your guests to thank you, and to reciprocate.

If they are amenable to your again co-opting the role of hostess, Miss Manners has no objection. But at some point you may wish to give your children the experience of learning how to behave as guests, if not only to give your dishwasher a rest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper type of gift to buy for expecting parents? Something for the baby (i.e., crib, stroller, clothes, etc.) or something for the parents?

GENTLE READER: Either is acceptable, although the gift everyone would most enjoy -- namely, sleep -- is unfortunately not for sale.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am nearly 72 years old, and am finally engaged to be married, with a beautiful diamond ring. (I have had many relationships with men, but never one who gave me a ring and wanted marriage, as this man does.)

I have literally waited a lifetime for this, but I am not the type that wears much jewelry, and when I have ever worn rings in the past, I always wore them on my right hand. I know I am supposed to wear this one on my left hand, but I just can't get comfortable with it there. There is no logical reason for this (other than I like looking at it and I seem to see it more on the right hand), as the ring fits well on both fingers, but while I have tried wearing it on the left, I keep taking it off and putting it on my right hand.

And then I feel guilty about it, and put it back on the left. How important is it to wear your engagement ring (and eventually your wedding ring) on the left hand?

GENTLE READER: Important to whom? Miss Manners cannot imagine who would have a stake in this issue other than you and your fiance, and he less than you, because it is your hand.

Yet outsiders do seem to take an unwarranted interest in other people's marital rings. They have spread the notions that an engagement without a ring does not count, and that one without a large diamond hardly does. And that if rings are not worn on the left hand -- even though in other societies, the right hand is customary -- deception is intended.

Should any such person have the nerve to question you, you could simply say that it is your preference. Or you could ask if they suppose you are hoping to attract other suitors.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a crafty person. I like to sew my own clothes, make my own jewelry and create my own accessories. I am frequently complimented by people on my creations, and my usual response is to say "Thank you! I made it myself!" Is this fishing for compliments?

GENTLE READER: But you already caught that fish. Miss Manners assures you that your reaction only alerts complimenters that they have made a lucky strike.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I attended a Super Bowl party hosted by some friends. In addition to opening up their home, they did most of the cooking.

We took over several items and a cash contribution to help pay for the food costs. My wife was late to the event, and I took over all the food myself; this included two bottles of whipping cream.

Later I found out my wife had only intended that I take one bottle over. So, several days later, I informed my friend that we had only intended to take one bottle of cream and would it be OK to pick up the second bottle. My wife strongly disagreed with this. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That you should have listened to your wife. It is not charming to inform a host that you grudge him a bottle of cream.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live next door to a small grocery that I visit several times a week. All of the cashiers recognize me. A few of them ask questions or make insights that feel intrusive, along the lines of, "You've really had a sweet tooth lately," or "Looks like you were having a party in your back yard the other day, did you have fun?"

I don't want to be unkind, but sometimes it feels like these strangers know more about my day-to-day life than my close friends and family do. Is there a polite way to shut down these conversations?

GENTLE READER: Of course these people, and many others with whom you deal, can easily deduce information about your life. That is unavoidable. What you find objectionable is the failure to recognize that this is, in a sense, privileged information, not an invitation to a discussion.

But their intrusion is understandable in a society holding the belief that friendliness -- not just politeness -- is universally desirable, regardless of whether it is attached to actual friendship. There is also widespread failure to understand privacy and its requirement that some things should pass unremarked: It would be intrusive for even a friend to remark on how many sweets you eat or whether you had a party to which the friend was not invited.

Certainly you do not want to be so unkind and rude as to tell your grocers to mind their own business. Instead of taking up their conversation openers, you need only smile and then parry with one of your own. Miss Manners trusts that they will not consider "The tomatoes look wonderful -- are they from around here?" an intrusive question.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted a Super Bowl party and have been upset ever since.

My husband and I spent days planning, shopping, prepping and making a buffet dinner for about 20 people. Our teenage daughter set a lovely table using our good china and crystal. Most of our guests respected our request to "Please, just show up."

However, a few came in with dishes in ugly grocery store containers, or Tupperware, or plates they would not be too upset to leave behind -- and set all that on the buffet table. None of that stuff fit with our menu and most remained uneaten, but I had to wait till everybody left to throw it all away, therefore not being able to serve dessert the way I had planned.

I am BEGGING you to reiterate to your readers that, when invited to a hosted dinner party, they MUST NOT bring supplies.

How should I put my foot down politely here? I enjoy this annual party a lot, and people love coming. However, I am at the point that I don't want to do it anymore.

GENTLE READER: Goodness knows that Miss Manners has been trying for years to teach people not to try to cater their friends' parties unless specifically told that these will be cooperative meals. If guests feel that they must bring something, it should be chocolates or flowers, not part of the meal itself.

Would it work to warn them that no contribution cancels the need to reciprocate hospitality? Probably not. But you may grab their dishes away from them and say, "Thank you, we'll look forward to enjoying this tomorrow. As I told you, today's dinner is all prepared."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)