DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to enclose a little note with a baby shower invitation asking that guests wrap gifts in clear paper -- or go green and not wrap them at all?

GENTLE READER: Wouldn't it be easier to skip the middle man and just grab the presents out of your guests' hands as soon as they are purchased?

Miss Manners is not impervious to saving the environment, just dismayed at the utter lack of mystery -- and completely transactional nature -- the art of present-giving has become. Not wrapping the gift gives the effect that it just fell off the truck -- and clear wrap serves no real purpose either way; it's just lazy. Surely there are recyclable materials that your guests could use, but that is not yours to suggest. Reusing or recycling the paper whenever possible is the best, most polite recourse.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young woman living at home with my parents due to health issues, and am unemployed. It is common for new acquaintances to ask me, "What do you do?"

While I do not mind sharing some of this information if the person seems receptive, generally speaking, it seems inappropriate to mention medical woes to a perfect stranger, who is most likely just making polite conversation. And if I am meeting many new people at a party, it feels especially awkward to have mentioned to everyone in the room that I am not well.

However, simply saying some version of, "I'm unemployed and I live with my parents" (no matter how graciously I try to word it) often leads to awkward pauses or even winds the conversation down to its demise, as they often appear unsure how to respond. Turning the question back to them only works if we have not already covered them.

Am I missing a better way to answer the question and put the inquirer at ease, without accidentally stepping into TMI territory?

GENTLE READER: Yes, because Miss Manners notices that you are interpreting "doing" as meaning only paid employment. If you reply something like, "I am tackling Proust at the moment, and I find the theme of involuntary memory to be fascinating ...," you will be off and running. Or they will be.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've always been told that a guest shouldn't wear a white dress to a wedding so you don't look like you're trying to compete with the bride, and you shouldn't wear a red dress so you don't look like you're trying to take attention away from the bride.

Do these rules still apply when the wedding is between two gentlemen?

GENTLE READER: Do you really want to be the one to explain to Great Aunt Anastasia that you are not the bride? Or, for that matter, to the bridegrooms that you are not seeking attention?

Best to stick to convention. Miss Manners reminds you that it is the purpose of having a wedding in the first place.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the etiquette around a stranger in a public place trying to speak to you when you are obviously in a conversation on your phone? This has happened to me several times lately.

To be clear, it is not an emergency situation they are approaching me about. They are usually either trying to sell something or asking for directions. There is no "excuse me" first; they just start talking.

In one case, a woman yelled a question at me from several yards away. They have no way of knowing how serious or formal the conversation I'm having is.

Is this behavior rude? And what is the proper way to respond? Does it make a difference if it is someone obviously trying to sell you something? Does it make a difference if I am walking and the other person is in a car and pulled over to talk to me?

Am I obligated to stop the person I'm on the phone with, no matter the circumstances or what they are talking about, in order to address the person who approached me, even just to tell them that I am on the phone (which was already obvious)?

GENTLE READER: Given the deluge of complaints Miss Manners receives about people who are on the telephone when they should be helping a customer, paying for their groceries or listening to their doctor, it may be surprising to hear her agree that it is rude to interrupt someone when they are on the telephone. Assuming, of course, that the interrupter is not in one of the aforementioned situations.

The correct response depends upon the distance. For someone immediately at hand, excuse yourself to the person on the telephone and then explain to the interrupter that you are on the phone and would be happy to answer them when your call is completed. How long that moment lasts will depend on whether the interrupter is selling something or asking for directions. If the caller is sufficiently far away that you can plausibly claim to be unaware that the yelling is directed at you, assume it is not -- that the yelling is a normal part of the street noise -- and shelter your exposed ear or walk to a more secluded spot.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a circle of friends who have dinner/heavy apps then play cards together. We take turns hosting -- except one couple who never reciprocates, but enjoys the hospitality of the rest of us. As a result, some hosts have stopped inviting them. What to do?

GENTLE READER: The answer will depend upon your own position in this merry-go-round. If you are the host who no longer invites the misguided couple, you may continue not to do so. You may not counsel the others on their own invitation lists.

Similarly, if you are one of the hosts who still wishes to include the erring couple, you may keep doing so -- so long as you do not criticize those who do not.

If you are the freeloaders, Miss Manners would prefer that you reciprocate. If you choose not to, then you will have to accept without recriminations what invitations you still receive.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our minister's adult daughter died in an accident, and several members of my extended family, who regularly attend services at our church, went to the funeral. I did not because I had to work.

I received a thank-you card, saying how much the flowers I sent meant to the minister's young grandchildren (her deceased daughter's children). I had not sent flowers, but thought that perhaps my parents or siblings had sent them for the group, but they had not.

The next Sunday, I attended church and the minister stopped me and profusely thanked me for the flowers again, stating specifics of ways the children had played with and enjoyed the flowers, even though the family had requested no flowers be sent. She stated that because her grandchildren like my children so much, it made the flowers even more special. 

I feel so guilty about not confessing but don't want to hurt this extremely nice woman's feelings or make her feel foolish, or to disillusion her grandchildren.

Should I say anything? Should I just be quiet and send some flowers for real? Should I do both?

GENTLE READER: Manners problems, left unattended, fester like fruit; they do not mellow like wine. Ignoring the problem made it worse, and the harm is not yet made right: So long as the minister and her family think it was you, you are responsible for their unknowingly committing the rudeness of not thanking the true benefactor.

As you were unable to attend the funeral, the proper course at the time would have been to write a condolence letter. This might have prevented the initial confusion, but even if it did not, it would have made it easier to fix the problem by demonstrating that you did care, even though you did something different than she thought.

When the minister thanked you, you could have said how sorry you are for her loss and say that you hope your letter was of some comfort to the family. This would buy time to run home and check if anyone in your own family added your name when sending the flowers. You could still have posted the condolence letter on the drive home (assuming you had stationery in the glove compartment).

Having failed to take the easy way out, you must post the condolence letter now, and follow it up with an explanatory call to the minister. Ignore the timing and hope the minister does, too.

If this sounds too difficult, Miss Manners asks what you intend to do when the real benefactor asks the minister about the flowers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my little one's first birthday party, relatives made a statement to my husband about there being no alcohol present. I didn't hear the comment and couldn't tell you the tone in which the statement was made, but does it matter? Is this appropriate?

GENTLE READER: It is rude to comment on what a host has (or has not) provided to guests, be they adults, toddlers or teetotalers. If Miss Manners is instead being asked to be shocked at the suggestion that having alcohol present would in some way harm the young revelers (assuming, as seems self-evident, that no one was suggesting you spike the formula), she declines.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)