DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it disrespectful to bring an ex-girlfriend to see her ex-boyfriend, in front of the current girlfriend, while the ex-boyfriend is in his last days of life?

GENTLE READER: One should comply with the wishes of the dying, if possible.

This often requires restraint on all sides, and possibly discomfort. It certainly requires knowing what those wishes are -- which is not evident from your question.

The ex-girlfriend does not have a right to a final visit, and so must make a request. If a visit is to occur, the current girlfriend could be gracious by excusing herself. Miss Manners is unclear of the identity of the person “bringing” the ex-girlfriend, and reminds him or her that this is not an area in which outside judgments about what is fitting will be welcome.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a question about sit-down social events, such as weddings or large dinner parties, when there is more than one table of guests. If, after everyone has finished eating, one member of a couple excuses themselves (e.g. restroom), does the other person have to wait until their spouse/partner returns to the table to also leave the table?

For example: Everyone has eaten and plates are cleared, some guests are still seated, drinking coffee and chatting, and others have excused themselves to dance or socialize. Does the spouse/partner left at the table have to wait until the other person returns?

GENTLE READER: Although couples are treated as a social unit for invitations and seating (when they should be separated), not everything can be synchronized. So long as you are not looking to make a getaway without saying goodbye -- or, in a restaurant setting, paying your share of the bill -- both members of a couple are free to excuse themselves at any point for a bathroom visit.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who asks numerous times to see me, but declines every situation I propose to make a visit happen.

I have offered to go to her, to have her come over, to bring her husband, to meet somewhere publicly -- and she declines every option. She always comes back in a few weeks to ask when we can meet, and the cycle continues.

How do I respond to her next request? I am confused by how much she approaches me to spend time together, only to decline every option I can think of to meet her.

GENTLE READER: Contrary to popular belief, the scourge of casual interactions is not “How is your day going?” but, “We should get together.” People have learned not to fall for the former -- realizing that they are not being asked for a detailed report -- but the latter still deceives.

That you have made numerous offers, and that all of them have been rejected, is a clue that your friend is not serious about getting together. Miss Manners has an easy solution, which is to respond in kind: “I’d love to; why don’t you suggest something?” This can be repeated over a course of years if necessary.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m not a firm believer in men holding doors open for women, as I’m perfectly capable of opening a door myself. I often open and hold doors for others because it seems the polite, not chivalrous, thing to do. That said, if a man insists on opening a door for me, rather than fighting for the handle, I allow social customs, archaic as they are, to dictate.

If he has opened the door on the way into a coffee shop where there is a line to the counter, it seems polite to then let him go ahead of me, since he forfeited his place in line by kindly holding the door for me. Then again, maybe he is expecting to lose his place in line to hold the door for me, and intending that I go first. What’s a feminist to do in this scenario?

GENTLE READER: Having heard from the gentlemen directly, Miss Manners can assure you that they were not expecting to give up their place in line; many report feeling taken advantage of.

Gesturing for them to go first will, she trusts, solve everyone’s problem. The gentleman will not feel punished for doing what he intended as a good deed. You will have taken an opportunity both to acknowledge, and to return, the gesture, while making the point that good manners can be practiced no matter what your gender. And the shop employees will be allowed to get on with pouring coffee, instead of breaking up fistfights in the line -- albeit among sluggish, low-caffeine combatants.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter and husband bought a house, where I go to babysit for them weekly. There is an area that smells badly of mold, and I worry for my health and that of the babies. I have mentioned it several times and the reply has been, “Mom, you are the only one who smells it.”

I have offered to have it tested and pay for repairs, but it has been six months and the issue remains unaddressed. Now I have bought a mold-testing kit. What is the protocol for taking samples and submitting them to the lab? Should I tell my daughter I’m doing it, or wait and see if the lab report confirms my worries that there is something harmful?

GENTLE READER: Neither approach is likely to end well. If you tell her, she will be offended. If you do not tell her, and the result comes back positive, you will have to confess that you did an invasive thing without her permission.

Miss Manners assumes that if you do not tell her, and the result comes back negative, you will be relieved rather than disappointed. But you do not expect this outcome. Having pointed out the smell, and even offered a solution, there is little more you can do. Your daughter is now a grown woman with responsibilities -- and children -- of her own, and you have no choice but to trust that she is managing those responsibilities, well, responsibly.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always understood that it is not polite to place a handbag or clutch on the dinner table. I’ve been told to put it behind my back on the chair, or in my lap under the napkin.

However, I am going to a black tie dinner dance soon, and I would like to carry a vintage bag that was left to me by an elderly relative. It is very beautiful, and very delicate. It is shaped like an animal, somewhat rounded and with a flat base to sit on a flat surface.

When I experimented with placing it on my lap, it rolled off. There is no chance that I will put it on the floor. I think I can just manage to trap it on my lap at dinner, but what do I do when dancing commences?

GENTLE READER: Place it on your chair and hope that you are in an honest crowd. If you suspect otherwise, you might hold it in your left hand, behind the shoulders of your dancing partner, trying not to bounce it against him as you dance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper thing to do with people who don’t send back greeting cards?

We sent out over 50 cards last year, and only got 15 or so back. I know they cost money and a lot of time and, like me, are getting old-fashioned really quick, but should I be offended? I imagine the proper thing to do is to send them out just for the joy of the season.

GENTLE READER: As you realize, sending paper cards is a declining habit, now that there are easier forms of informal communication. (And annoying ones, such as electronic cards, which take up time and space on your computer.)

So before your declare yourself offended, Miss Manners urges you to put aside the question of how your correspondents react. The real issue is whether they keep in touch in some form. Do they ever call? Do they write -- perhaps in some way that you do not check, in which case you should inform them that you do not use social media (or whatever)?

If they are never in touch, you should realize that this has been a perfunctory relationship, hardly worth salvaging. But if you do hear from them, even once a year, as you apparently used to, you could keep up the tie with whatever means you each prefer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How long a dress is appropriate for “evening dress”? I have researched online and have found conflicting answers.

GENTLE READER: Indeed. As you will find at any formal event.

Traditionally, there were two types of evening dresses: dinner dresses, which have sleeves and long, straight skirts, and ball dresses, which lack sleeves but have big, long skirts to swish around the dance floor. Either may reveal a shocking amount of bosom.

But a lot has happened since then, such as “le smoking,” which is a female adaptation of gentlemen’s evening clothes, and the short dress made so elaborate or revealing that it could not possibly pass for a day dress. Miss Manners concedes that either can pass.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)