DEAR MISS MANNERS: A December tradition in my husband’s family was to make and consume oyster stew with canned, squiggly, yucky, nasty-tasting oysters. I thought we were past that, and I would not have to endure this for the next 40 years.

Now he has brought home canned oysters and clam chowder, which he will be serving on the 24th. He is so happy, and assumes I am, as well. Do I have to? What can I do? What should I say? Help!

GENTLE READER: Is it possible that you don’t like oysters? Miss Manners has that impression, but can hardly believe it. But if that is true, you are fortunate to be living now, and not a century ago, when oysters were standard fare for the rich and poor alike.

How nice that your husband is happy. As you do not indicate that he forces you to eat this, Miss Manners’ only suggestion is that the family move their custom to a month when oysters are in season so they can have fresh, squiggly, delicious-tasting ones.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every December, our family hosts a caroling party. We gather at our home and then roam our neighborhood, attempting to serenade our neighbors.

My husband and I always have a heated discussion about the propriety of ringing doorbells to encourage people to come out and listen. He thinks it’s rude, self-serving and intrusive to knock on doors.

I fear he might be right, but when we’ve tried not ringing doorbells, we find that people don’t realize we’re out there, as they don’t hear us through insulated windows and over the volume of the TV. (At least I think they don’t hear us ... Maybe they just don’t want to come out!)

I know that carolers of centuries past were essentially begging for booze and figgy pudding. I like to think we’re different -- just corny people who want a bit of an audience. Maybe you can tell us if I’m deluding myself. We’re planning to hit the streets soon.

GENTLE READER: Do you have time to slip a note under the targeted doors, announcing your plans in advance? Even if not, Miss Manners does not find your ringing doorbells objectionable. You are not selling anything, but offering a charming treat.

Still, advance notice would allow grateful listeners to prepare some mulled wine or hot chocolate -- and to look up the recipe for figgy pudding.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Trays such as Invisalign have become quite popular with older adults to correct teeth alignment. How best to remove them after entering a restaurant or preparing to dine at home? And how to replace them politely when a meal is completed?

GENTLE READER: Either the tray-wearer should head to the bathroom, or everyone else within sight will do so. Need Miss Manners point out that seeing a diner reach in and remove a tooth tray is unappetizing?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I share a name with a high-profile politician, and recently attended a cocktail party for my husband’s office. As I was being introduced to the wife of one of his colleagues, upon hearing my name, she wrinkled her nose and said, “Ugh! Oh nooooo, I haaaate that name. All I can think of when I hear that name is (politician).”

I stared in shock for a beat, then said, “Well, I guess we can’t be friends. Darn.” Then turned and walked away.

Other co-workers think this will eventually come back to bite my husband. He doesn’t care a whit. What should I have said?

GENTLE READER: What you said was not the issue. It was rather how you likely said it, and the abrupt turn afterwards, that may have future repercussions.

How lucky that you have a husband who found it charming. Miss Manners hopes that his loyalty -- or disinterest, as the case may be -- continues for any future career endeavors. She recommends, however, that neither of you consider politics.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and his future wife have decided to have their wedding and reception with “no children,” other than his and her nieces and nephews. We are a very large family, so this is tough, although we are coming to accept it.

Now, for the shower I am planning for them, they have said they want “women only.” Well, this cuts out all men and single male cousins. And some of the older women won’t be able to come, as their husbands are their drivers. Some of the new moms aren’t sure about attending, as who will watch the kids?

How much say does the bride-to-be have in the upcoming shower? It feels like my family is slowly being excluded. Or should I shut up and be happy that at least I’m invited to the wedding?

GENTLE READER: This bride would certainly have you think so. That she wants to exclude children is problematic, as the guests will see all those nieces and nephews and not necessarily check their bloodlines.

That she wants sole dictatorship over who comes to a shower that you are hosting (or, more likely, have been instructed to host) without practical consideration for her guests is equally officious. While not a tradition with which Miss Manners agrees, she supposes that the bride is presuming that “women only” is traditional for showers. But then, traditionally, showers are never given by family members -- or ones to be.

You might politely point out the many inconveniences these exclusions pose for her guests. Or, if that has no effect, perhaps the notion of receiving fewer presents will.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In planning for my mother’s 80th birthday celebration, I thought it would be nice for her husband, each of her children, her siblings and her best friend (of 75 years!) to wear corsages/boutonnieres.

Mother’s, of course, would be a little more grand than the others. Would this all be appropriate?

GENTLE READER: Only if your mother approves. While a well-meant gesture, pinning the key players with identifying foliage is redundant at best. Presumably, most of your guests -- and with any luck, your mother -- will know who they are. But if you and she would like it, Miss Manners will not stand in the way of anyone and her greenery.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s family lives on the east coast, and we live in the Midwest. I have spent the last few years working to overcome a phobia of flying, both to make it easier to see my in-laws and because it matters to me that we have the option to travel wherever we may wish. I’ve never avoided taking a flight, but it has been a challenging experience at times.

My mother-in-law is generally a wonderful person, but can fixate on certain topics. She hates to travel, and frequently shares stories about how travel was difficult or uncomfortable for her in the past, or shares worries about all of the things that could go wrong while traveling in the future.

This is not helpful to me as I work on overcoming my phobia, to say the least. I hesitate to tell her about my fear, because I have a suspicion that the phobia itself would become her next topic of fixation. Her worries also stress out my husband, but do not have such a long-lasting effect on him as they do on me.

Are there polite ways to ask her to stop sharing these stories and worries? How blunt should I be, with the goal of both avoiding extra worry and maintaining familial harmony?

GENTLE READER: Much like the harrowing tales of childbirth experiences relayed to expectant mothers, these stories should not be shared with anyone vulnerable.

However, as your mother-in-law does not seem able to resist, perhaps you could get her to stop by showing her the consequences of her fear-mongering. Miss Manners recommends something along the lines of, “Oh dear, you’re scaring me -- and I certainly don’t want to be frightened out of flying to visit you. We are so thankful that it has not yet prevented you from coming to see us.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who moved away years ago. Every year, she asks to return and stay with my family and me, at our chosen date, with her two very badly mannered children.

She has lots of old friends in town that she wants to see, and invites them for dinner at my house, generally treating my home as her hotel. And the kids are loud, draw on tables with permanent marker, and overall are bad houseguests.

Because I work from home, this is disruptive, and it’s a week my husband and I dread. Since she asks me to choose the date, it is difficult for us to get out of or decline the visit. Any suggestions for how to handle an unwelcome, self-invited guest?

GENTLE READER: Renovate your home. And acquire slow contractors.

If that proves impractical, Miss Manners suggests you simply say, “I am afraid this year is an especially busy one and we are unable to have you here. However, if you are in the area and staying with one of our other friends, we would love to get together for dinner or coffee. We’ll bring the markers.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)