DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went to a bar with my husband to enjoy a cocktail and play some billiards. When we started to play pool, a toddler came over to our table and began playing with the cues, balls, quarters, etc.

We kept politely asking him to quit. After about 10 minutes of this, his father finally came over from across the bar, placed the toddler on a barstool and told him to stay there and watch us play pool.

The father went back to his table and sat down with his back to us. The child got off the barstool and began playing with things again at our table. I went over to the toddler’s father and mother and told them I was concerned for the child’s safety. However, by this point I was very upset and red-faced because I was so angry, and it came across as rude. The parents gave me a dirty look, took the child and didn’t say anything or bother to apologize.

I was astonished that parents would think it’s OK for a toddler to be in a bar, first of all, and second, to be unattended. Do you think I was rude to say something?

GENTLE READER: No, and citing safety is the right way to disguise your annoyance at the nuisance. But it must be said in a tone of concern, and you admit to doing it rudely.

Without commenting on a child’s presence in a bar, Miss Manners acknowledges that there are social settings in which a well-behaved child may have a degree of freedom to roam -- for example, an outdoor event where families are picnicking.

In such cases, it is the child’s responsibility not to torture the flora, the fauna or the other customers; it is the parents’ responsibility to ensure that the child lives up to these requirements. The latter requires constant line-of-sight contact, or very nearly so. In a less child-friendly setting -- the bar -- the acceptable distance from parental authority contracts, as does the range of acceptable child behavior.

People in your own position are free to return children who have clearly crossed these lines, if they can manage to do so without sounding like monsters who hate children.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece is getting married next week. Several of the people invited responded to her invitation with a guest: “Mrs. Blank and guest.”

The bride found out that some people were not bringing the guest they’d planned, so she deleted the guest and said “you can’t bring anyone.” The bride wants to dictate who people bring.

GENTLE READER: The struggle between inattentive hosts, inconsiderate guests and indescribable brides continues.

Miss Manners must disagree with your implication that only an unreasonable host would exercise any control over her guest list. But she agrees that there are limits. Invitations are properly issued to specific people: not to an unnamed date, houseguest or therapist. It is for this reason that Miss Manners so dislikes “plus one” invitations.

She cannot, however, assail the logic that once a hostess has posted such an invitation, she has ceded her authority to fill the seat. And there is no justification for the rudeness of rescinding an invitation once proffered.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our cardiology group practice is planning a holiday party for our employees. The proposal is to have a DJ and dance floor. However, the employees’ spouses are not invited.

It seems wrong to me to encourage dancing among co-workers without their spouses present. Am I just old-fashioned? Is this common? I have never been invited to a party with dancing without including spouses.

GENTLE READER: Old-fashioned? Or not paying attention to what is going on in the world right now?

At any time, it would be inhospitable to have an after-hours party -- Miss Manners assumes that you do not plan to dance in the emergency room during the lunch hour -- without inviting spouses and partners. In a period of super-awareness of sexual harassment in the workplace, it would be reckless and foolhardy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been under the impression that it is considered in bad taste to bring one’s own infant along when attending a baby shower as a guest, as attention would be diverted from the guest of honor to the infant. I have no problem with that and, frankly, look forward to a little time with only adults.

But what about “gender reveal” parties? I’m not a fan of these parties as a whole, but my close friend is hosting one, so I will attend in support of her growing family. Should I bring my own baby along, or leave him with his grandparents for a few hours?

GENTLE READER: As the friends of expectant mothers may be likely to be young mothers themselves, there is no reason that Miss Manners can see for a general rule banning babies from either showers or gender reveal parties (and she agrees with you about the silliness of the latter). Surely the hostess and guest of honor should decide, keeping in mind whether the guests would be happier not having to find babysitters or getting away for an adult party.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law lives alone. Each year since her first grandchild was born, she has sent out holiday cards with photos of the children. They go to her friends, colleagues and clients, most of whom we don’t know.

She did not consult me or my sister-in-law on this, and I found it odd to receive a card in the mail with a photo of my child on it. Shouldn’t holiday cards represent the people who live in your household?

I would note that I doubt I will take this up with her, as I don’t wish to make things unpleasant, but I would appreciate an etiquette ruling all the same.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette rules are based on moral considerations, one of which is kindness. Therefore, a rule forbidding a grandmother to send out cards picturing her grandchildren is inconceivable to Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When you receive an invitation to a birthday party and it states that dinner will be $25, are you obligated to buy a gift?

GENTLE READER: As a sponsor of this event, you are one of the hosts. If you want to give yourself a present, Miss Manners has no objection.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This past Thanksgiving, at the home of the same close friends with whom I have spent the last several Thanksgivings, the host and I began a political discussion between dinner and dessert.

We are at opposite ends of the spectrum, but the discussion was civil. The hostess informed me that other guests were uncomfortable with our discussion. She directed her comments solely to me, not to both her husband and me.

She took me to task in front of the entire party about how it was not good to discuss politics when people do not agree, but her comments also included a long story recounting how representatives of my political side had been rude to her during the recent election. She said point-blank that she did not want her Thanksgiving to be about politics, so the subject of conversation should be changed.

I was so upset by this ungracious treatment that I discreetly left the party a few minutes later. The next day, she called to say she was sorry that I felt the need to leave, but that she has the right to set the subject of conversation in her home. She offered no apology for embarrassing me, but she reiterated that politics were not an appropriate topic of conversation.

I grew up in a politically divided household; my father was a Democrat and my mother was a Republican. There were frequent political discussions, often passionate, but always civil and respectful. My hometown was also a small state capital, so political discussions were always a part of any social gathering.

Have we reached a point in this country where politics can only be discussed with people who share the same views? At parties, must we forego passionate discussions about politics, the arts, religion -- basically all ideas -- and dwell solely on the humdrum gossipy events of people’s daily lives?

Needless to say, I will not attend any future parties at this friend’s home (assuming I’m invited), but should I avoid discussing anything that can be remotely considered controversial when I am at social events?

GENTLE READER: If you and your host were able to discuss your political differences in a calm and civil manner, Miss Manners would consider it a public service.

Mind you, she is aware of the social ban on controversial topics. But that specifically has to do with those who are unable to do so in a respectful manner, which may now include a vast majority of the population.

There is no such exception in the rule against embarrassing one’s guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I am having guests for afternoon tea, do I use little plates, with the teacups set on top of them, or do I use little plates plus the teacups set on their matching saucers?

GENTLE READER: The cups and saucers are correctly placed on top of the little plates, sometimes with a tiny napkin in between saucer and plate. This is especially convenient for any of your guests who have three hands with which to hold the filled food plate and the saucer while drinking from the teacup.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)