DEAR MISS MANNERS: You maintain that “Thanks for the invitation, but I think I’ll pass” might be one of the rudest things you have ever heard.

First: What a protected life you must lead! Second: What is a good alternative?

I live in a retirement community and receive frequent invitations to go places (sometimes months in advance) that I just do not want to attend. That doesn’t mean I want the person to “take a pass on extending future invitations,” as you’ve said, but I don’t want to attend that particular cultural event or movie. I usually respond with the exact thing you said was rude, though I do add “this time” to the end.

So my face is red -- I was unintentionally being rude. Now I’m in need of a better way to turn down a particular invitation.

In college, I was very close with a couple. After we graduated, we drifted apart, but I later discovered that one of them was enrolled in the same graduate program.

I got in touch and inquired about getting together. On two occasions, she agreed, but both times, she left a voice message for me at the last minute saying that she was unable to make it. She did not give a reason for canceling either time. I made another attempt, but she blew me off.

After that, I threw in the towel and gave up. I was more than a little hurt that she canceled at the last minute with no reason offered and that the attempts to get together were completely one-sided. I came to accept that we had grown apart, and that she had no interest in rekindling our friendship, not even for coffee.

Fast-forward 11 years, and I received an invitation to their wedding. The invitation brought up those old hurt feelings. My inclination is to trash the invitation and move on.

My partner says that I am being petty, and that I should at least offer congratulations and my regrets for not being able to attend. Such a response seems entirely fake to me. I suspect you may tell me that decorum dictates such a response, but under the circumstances, I am not sure that decorum should prevail. What is your view?

GENTLE READER: That your attempt to undercut Miss Manners is at the expense of your own interests. You don’t much like it when other people blow you off, but consider that in the name of retaliation, you are entitled to a free ... ahem ... pass?

To reiterate, Miss Manners has difficulty with the phrase “I’ll take a pass” -- whether it is accompanied by “this time” or not. (In fact, “this time” reinforces the subtext that one is not impressed by what is currently being offered, but holds out hope that something more appealing will come along in the future.) She does not, however, require attendance to every proffered event, or even invented excuses. Further, she does not defend treating rudeness (or unkindness) in kind.

What your partner suggests is the right thing to do. After all, even though you understandably did not like its timing, your former friend did at least let you know before the fact that she was not going to show up. You must do the same in return, resisting the urge to mirror the behavior you so disliked by doing it last minute -- or pettily.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in trouble. I made a mistake. I was deeply surprised to see that a colleague served Thanksgiving dinner to her guests using aluminum pans, paper plates, paper napkins and plastic flatware. I posted a reaction to the photos of her dinner.

She is now angry and calls me a hater. This has stuck in her craw, because she keeps texting me. I suggested to her, and to others, that the holidays should be the time when we clear out china closets and use our very best china, stemware, flatware, etc. to serve our guests.

I admit I am biased. Growing up, my mother used the best of everything she had for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. I follow her standard. It is a matter of hospitality, and demonstrates to your family and friends that you went over and above the usual because they are special.

Apparently, my mother’s standards are no more. I know I was wrong to criticize. Should I apologize?

GENTLE READER: Is that all your mother taught you about the meaning of Thanksgiving and Christmas? “Use the good china”?

Yes, you must apologize, publicly and profusely, for having publicly humiliated someone who showed hospitality. Even so, Miss Manners doubts that she, or anyone who saw your posting, will ever invite you again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After cutting and eating a steak, is it proper to pick up the bone and glean the rest of the meat? The meat next to the bone is really good.

GENTLE READER: And, like many of life’s sensual treats, is best enjoyed in privacy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve noticed that many people have taken to declining invitations with: ”I’ll take a pass.” Personally, I find this a bit off-putting. (These are sincere invitations; we’re not talking about inviting someone to help out with a move or attend a first-grader’s performance.)

When did it become acceptable to give this response, as opposed to, “I’m sorry, but I’ve got a previous engagement” or even “Thank you, but it’s not my cup of tea”?

I’m sure Miss Manners doesn’t approve of passive-aggressive behavior. But when confronted with the response “I’ll take a pass,” should I presume that it is I who first offended the party with the invitation?

Or am I being too sensitive? Considering today’s harried environment, should I feel thankful that the invitee took the time to respond at all?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you are being too insensitive. To treat the offer of hospitality as if it were a commercial proposition is insulting -- yesterday, today and tomorrow. Miss Manners suggests upgrading your guest list rather than lowering your expectations.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught to always remove my hat when entering someone’s house, a restaurant or the like. I am always surprised, if not annoyed, when I see grown men sitting in a nice restaurant with their baseball caps on, sometimes even backwards. Is the custom of removing one’s hat still valid, or has it fallen by the wayside?

GENTLE READER: It is still valid. However, some people’s manners have fallen by the wayside.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I greet people at the airport for an elite limousine company that drives very rich people and celebrities. I am expected to be cooperative and gracious.

The first situation I have trouble with is huggers. Occasionally a client insists on hugging me. I’m a gregarious person, and I understand that in some cases this could be cultural, but I just met these people and may never see them again. How does Miss Manners deflect unwanted hugs?

The second is unwanted or inappropriate touching. (Sexual touching has never happened, and that’s easier to reject. You’re allowed to be rude in that case.) Here’s an example. I’m female, and a man once complimented my curly hair. I responded with a thank-you, but throughout the 10 to 15 minutes we were together, he touched my hair repeatedly.

I moved to put the luggage between us, but he moved around it so he could comment on and touch my hair again. I’m still kicking myself for not being more assertive, but I can’t think what else I could have said or done.

GENTLE READER: Actually, rummaging in your hair is sexual, and while Miss Manners condones neither rudeness nor violence, she would look the other way if you’d whopped him with his own luggage.

Try fending off those perhaps more innocent, but still presumptuous, hugs by holding the client’s name placard in front of you and reaching out for a pleasant handshake. Anything more intrusive should be met with the firm request that the client not try to distract you while you are doing your job.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love going to the movies. I love watching films on the big screen, and I understand that attending a show with an audience is part of the fun of cinema.

I also find myself getting annoyed with other patrons in the movie theater who feel compelled to be loud or rowdy during the show. I don’t attend midnight movies or teenage horror flicks or anything, where that kind of thing would be expected.

Is there a polite way to ask someone to keep it down? I try a stern look, and on occasion I’ve moved seats. How much noise made by someone in a movie theater is too much noise? My mom tells me that I’m being sensitive and that I should just ignore the people around me, but I have a hard time doing that.

GENTLE READER: When you speak of the pleasure of sharing a movie with an audience, Miss Manners believes that you refer to the collective laughter or gasps indicating that everyone is having the same experience. What you are experiencing, instead, is the distraction by people who are having their own, unrelated fun, whether with one another or through their devices.

As you have noticed, that is not much fun for others present. Many people have noticed this, and it must be one of the reasons that movie theaters are declining.

Watching at home has made it possible to assemble others who want to observe the same standard -- whether rowdiness, silence or something in between.

Miss Manners doubts that your mother really wants to desensitize you to the need for considerate manners in public places. Rather, she seems to be warning you that the situation is hopeless, as you cannot take on a crowd, and the usher who used to deal with disturbances is nowhere in sight.

Miss Manners recommends a discussion with your mother, in which you both defend your sensitivity to public rudeness and, if you share her residence, request a movie-streaming account that will enable you to enjoy films with like-minded people.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)